By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor Question: What is the best way to get out of bed in the morning? Reese, political science major: I get my roommate to pour eye drops below my eyes at such an angle that, when I rise from my slumber, the solution drips into my mouth. The taste will immediately prompt me to rinse my mouth out, thus preventing me from falling back to sleep. It preps me for the taste of tears that I experience throughout the day. If I do choose to go back to sleep, I’ve told my roommate to put hot…
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By: Petra Chase, Features Editor and Mason Mattu, Humour Editor As SFU’s independent student newspaper, The Peak is committed to highlighting the concerns of our local community. This week, our team decided to settle a decades-long rivalry between Bob and…
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By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor Recently, aboard a flight from Istanbul to Vancouver, I had the utter pleasure of perusing through a very extensive in-flight entertainment catalogue. Before you transatlantic raw doggers bother me about watching a movie — what else…
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By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor When I was in grade school, I used to do a lot of musical theatre. You may think, lots of shows means lots of flowers from your family, no? No. You’re wrong. You know the…
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By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor “The next station is: Main Street-Science World. Doors will open on the right,” the SkyTrain’s voice-from-above announced as I rose from my seat. As I slid the strap of my tote bag onto my right…
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By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor and resident nepo baby I sit on a very warm bench, That feeling is amplified, By the pain of my team asking me for water to pass (not a balllll). The basketball coach is actually…
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By: Maya Barillas Mohan, Peakie-in-Residence and Mason Mattu, Humour Editor Dear Peakie, Yesterday, while taking a bike ride next to Stanley Park, I ran into my mom. We aren’t on speaking terms after she tried to rent out my room…
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By: Aiden Krysciak, PR coordinator for president Joy Johnson The following is a letter from the desk of SFU president Joy Johnson, delivered to The Peak by her majesty’s propaganda ministry — we mean PR team. Strung out, I was,…
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By: Mason Mattu, Section Editor Content warning: mentions of residential school denialism, transphobia, child sexual abuse, pedophilia, and racism. Correction notice: A previous version of this article incorrectly referred to an attendee of the event as a protester. On March…
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By: Mason Mattu, Section Editor Does SFU have a pool in convocation mall? Or a parking lot that allows cars to park inside the pool? Those are the kinds of images that Aidan Ramage, a student at the SFU Beedie…
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