Marissa Ouyang
Horoscopes March 24–30
March 24, 2025By: Phone Min Thant, Staff Writer Aries March 21–April 19 Feeling guilty about only going to two out of 11 weeks of classes? It’s alright; there are just a few more classes to miss — you’re nearly getting there. Good job, babes! You even escaped having to deal with people coughing and sneezing in lecture halls, so yay for you!! Reward yourself by going to the library to study (rant about your life to your friends) and to a café to write your essays (buy an overpriced cup of coffee). Also, happy birthday y’all. We are publishing this horoscope during…
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Horoscopes February 17–23
February 17, 2025By: C Icart, Humour Editor Aries March 21–April 19 “It’s private, but no.” The stars think you should spend more time telling nosy people to mind their business, and then still answer their questions. Taurus April 20–May 20 “Um, Shabana.…
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Horoscopes January 13–19
January 13, 2025By: Phone Min Thant, Staff Writer Aries March 21–April 19 This week, you will wake up all motivated to go to the one required lower division course you have ignored for two whole years. Then, as you wash your face,…
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Horoscopes January 6–12
January 9, 2025By: C Icart, Humour Editor Aries March 21–April 19 I was gossiping with the stars about you, and they said that you’re stubborn, so you’ll probably think you’re invincible all year. Close your damn incognito Google flights tab. The Boeings…
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Horoscopes December 2–8
December 2, 2024By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer Aries March 21–April 19 Your laptop is full of unfinished assignments, and that’s OK! What’s more merry and bright than cramming in last-minute papers and exams worth your entire grade? “Catchup Queen” is your middle…
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Horoscopes November 12 – 18
November 21, 2024By: Manal Kashif, SFU Student Aries March 21–April 19 Let’s be honest: Aries are the pursuers in any relationship because of their headstrong attitude. You know who else doesn’t stop until they get what they want? The popular girl in…
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Horoscopes November 4–10
November 6, 2024By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Aries March 21–April 19 Stop and smell the flowers, err . . . pet the raccoons. But seriously, just relax. You’re getting too far ahead of yourself these days. You should take a step back…
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Horrorscopes: October 28 – November 3
October 28, 2024By: Sarah Sorochuk, Peak Associate Aries March 21–April 19 Aries! The Karens of fall. You have just awakened in time for spooky season and are entering your natural state. Be aware not everyone is like you! They won’t care when…
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Horoscopes October 21–27
October 22, 2024By: Hana Hoffman, Peak Associate Aries March 21–April 19 It’s not easy to find a matching top and bottom of a swimsuit when you wake up 10 minutes before you have to leave. Summertime is when you have daily outings…
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Horoscopes October 14 – 20
October 15, 2024By: Amrit Kamaal, Peak Associate Aries March 21–April 19 The second the clock strikes 12 on September 1, you never miss a beat to run to your local coffee shop for a pumpkin spice latte. Maybe it’s an obsession, but…
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