Lily Li
Burger King seizes Tim Hortons through Red Wedding-style acquisition
EIC September 8, 2014On August 26, in a move that no one could have possibly predicted — except maybe economists who have already read the books — the House of American fast-food giant Burger King announced their acquisition of Tim Hortons through a bloodied massacre. The acquisition, which is being referred to as the Bread Wedding, reportedly cost $11.5 billion and will secure the company as the third-largest quick-service restaurant chain in all of Westeros. “We’re very excited to announce the almost complete eradication of Tim Hortons, who I think we can all agree had it coming,” a spokesperson for Burger King told…
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Solo Cup of lukewarm tap water declared most powerful sanitizing agent in the world
EIC September 2, 2014In a move that could very well change the way in which humans deal with sanitation and sterilization, attendees of a Tight and Bright party last week have discovered the most efficient, fast-acting way of killing nearly every trace of…
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