HUMOUR
CONFESSIONALS: The housing crisis in Vancouver is ruining my sex life
October 23, 2019Written by Juztin Bello, Copy Editor It’s a little after midnight. I’ve lost count of how many drinks I’ve had at this club, and I keep making too-intimate eye contact with semi-coherent, sweaty guys on the dance floor who can’t dance. There’s one guy in particular who’s been on me the entire night. The guy in question, who has not-so-subtly been trying to pipe, grabs my waist from behind and sways me to a song I swear hasn’t changed in hours — and, you know, maybe I’m feeling something here . . . particularly against my lower back. We dance…
Continue reading
Six rush-order costumes for Halloween at SFU
October 21, 2019Written by Madeleine Chan, SFU Student No Halloween costume yet? Fear not. If you’ve fallen victim to the perils of procrastination, here are six simple costume ideas for the everyday SFU student. Tuition-sucking vampire Grab a vampire outfit, and then…
Continue reading
Your weekly SFU horoscopes: October 21–October 28
October 21, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Enough with all the blushing over cuties on the SkyTrain. Blood is for dramatically staining the love letter you’re writing when you’re unexpectedly murdered in your own study, not…
Continue reading
Common man-cold season starts, plagues student body with incessant whining
October 21, 2019Written by Marco Ovies, Staff Writer It’s that time of year again: the common man-cold has taken over SFU. According to a MySpace survey, frigivenena masculinum currently afflicts as many as three students. Symptoms include a mildly runny nose, excessive…
Continue reading
New U.N. study reveals that only sustainable source of protein is eating the rich
October 19, 2019Written by Gabrielle McLaren, Editor-in-Chief In view of soy fields eroding soil worldwide, eggs violating poultry rights, and tofu being too moist for comfort, the World Health Organization (WHO) has determined that the only truly sustainable source of protein is…
Continue reading
Your weekly SFU horoscopes: October 14–20
October 16, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Victory will be yours this week. No matter the cost. You might end up in some conflicts because of that. But if your friends can’t handle how trash they…
Continue reading
A cheeky deBRIEF on wasting your best undies on a boring day
October 16, 2019Written by Paige Riding Victoria’s Secret is out: today, my high hopes were crushed by an overwhelming sense of mediocrity. The day was so bland that I know — or rather, I should have known — that some granny panties…
Continue reading
How to break up with a classmate
October 16, 2019Written by Aaron Barry, SFU Student So you’ve decided you’re done. His constant gaming and chronic lack of hygiene are just too much for you. You need your freedom. You deserve to be happy. But there’s one tricky little thing…
Continue reading
Dear grad admissions board: my failed courses are non-canon to my personal narrative
October 12, 2019To Whom It May Concern, It is my great honour to recommend myself, Jake Jacksonian, for SFU’s Graduate Program in the Department of English. Yes, I know you already have my personal statement, which described at length my research interest…
Continue reading
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]