HUMOUR
Trudeau’s new beard “full of secrets,” sources said last Wednesday
January 8, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor As Prime Minister Justin Trudeau dons a scruffy new look for the new year, sources close to him have suggested that his new facial hair may have an ulterior motive. “He’s totally rich because his dad Pierre was also Prime Minister,” explained Damian Lee, a former close family friend of the Trudeaus. “But really the thing about Justin Trudeau is that he has everybody’s business. He knows everything about everyone. That’s why his stubble’s so cute — it’s full of secrets.” According to Lee, Trudeau’s choice to grow out the beard was actually a…
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DEAR PEAKIE: SFU’s latest and greatest advice column
January 7, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor All questions submitted by SFU students! --- Dear Peakie, Despite feeling lonely, I have an independent streak that drives me away from most relationships. But it sounds nice to be in one, and I…
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SFU PARODY POEMS: “Shall I Compare Thee to a Cloudy Day?”
January 7, 2020Written by Ben McGuinness, Peak Associate Shall I compare thee to a cloudy day? Thou art more dreary and more concrete: Rough weather does slow the bus to the bay, And its capacity is short of seats; Sometime too long…
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Students still can’t name their Fall 2019 classes, know only the course numbers
January 6, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Though the Spring 2020 semester has just started, most of SFU’s student body reportedly cannot name their courses from last semester when asked. Students all over SFU’s three campuses engaged this morning in their…
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“Go.re.miSFU”: SFU opts for invasive singing telegrams over grade email notifications
January 6, 2020Written by Madeleine Chan, Staff Writer Students at SFU will get notified about their final grades in a melodic way at the end of this semester. The university has employed a fleet of five human singing telegrams to inform the…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: January 6–12
January 6, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 You’ve made your New Years’ resolutions. And you’ll break them all this week. But don’t feel guilty. It’s hard, committing to stop buying Nutella at the grocer’s when you…
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Professors form “OK Boomer” support group as millennial students grow stronger
December 1, 2019By: Gabrielle McLaren, Editor-in-Chief BURNABY, B.C. — SFU Security has confirmed an increasing amount of calls from tenured professors regarding threats to their superiority in the classroom, as early as November 7. “At first I thought I was just slipping…
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CONFESSIONALS: I was the student who reminded the teacher of a deadline
November 27, 2019Written by James Conn, SFU Student Before coming to SFU, I attended Douglas College. On one fateful day, in a political science lecture, our class was eerily awaiting the professor to spring a quiz on us. However, he seemed to…
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SFU Pangrams to Test your Fonts
November 25, 2019Written by Lubaba Mahmud, Staff Writer We all know the classic sentence which uses all 26 letters of the alphabet: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” But this is too damn generic. Sure, there are several other…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: November 25–30
November 24, 2019Aries — March 21–April 19 Well, you did it. You got through the semester without (being arrested for?) arson. So spend this week reminding yourself that pyromania is not a Christmas gift you give yourself — nor is it a Christmas…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]