HUMOUR
Leaked transcript: a hostage negotiation with a stupidly rich man
January 29, 2020Written by Rodolfo Boskovic, SFU Student DIAL TONE. A PHONE IS PICKED UP OFF THE RECEIVER. ???: Who is this!? Listen! I’m holding a lit match and five litres of gasoline and I’m not afraid to use’em! FBI NEGOTIATOR: Sir, I understand you are stressed. This is a difficult situation. We just want you to understand that we’re here to help in whatever way we can. We just want the release of the hostages without any harm. ???: I don’t need your help! I’m a self-made man! I drank baby formula as a baby so my mother wouldn’t think I…
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DEAR PEAKIE: Talking over the cold, homicide, and fake news
January 22, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Dear Peakie, How can I stay warm on campus? I literally wear so many layers and the cold mountain still freezes me to the bone. From, MD Hi, MD, Layers are useless and…
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SFU welcomes its REAL new president: Canadian-brand Meghan Markle
January 21, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor After months of tireless searching, a stroke of good luck has brought SFU our next school president. In a move to return to its radical eat-the-rich roots, SFU will be replacing Andrew Petter in…
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“This is not what I was promised”: Students protest 2020, the dawn of a disappointing decade
January 21, 2020Written by Jennifer Low, Peak Associate Whatever happened to that bright, shiny new-decade glow? SFU students have come to point out that the wool cannot be pulled over their eyes any longer. The arrival of 2020 did not come with…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: January 20–26
January 21, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 You’ll sweat a bit this week. You think your friends might be playing “kiss, marry, kill” with your id, ego, and superego, all behind your back. Chill out and…
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I accidentally joined the university pyramid scheme
January 21, 2020Written by Paige Riding Check your phone — there’s a new direct message on Instagram. Is it a clueless friend, sending you ANOTHER meme you’ve already seen? Doja Cat, finally responding to the thirst trap you sent her while high?…
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I fell in love with a meme king
January 21, 2020Written by Kim Regala, Staff Writer I’ve always been a firm non-believer of romance. Ever since that school dance in the sixth grade . . . This kid thought the best way to ask me out was with a cheesy…
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SFU embraces full open-concept design by expelling all its students
January 14, 2020Written by Lubaba Mahmud, Staff Writer While SFU is already known worldwide for its exceptional architecture, the university has decided to update its interior design for a new year by completely embracing open-concept design. To declutter its buildings in pursuit…
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SFU drinking games to kick off (and get you through) the semester
January 14, 2020I’m Not Drunk, YOU’RE Drunk A game to play when you’ve had a big Wednesday night out, only to find yourself in lecture on Thursday morning, somehow still incredibly sloshed. The rules are simple: Interact with as many people as…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: January 13–19
January 14, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Your brain is quite compatible with rocket science. Just like a rocket, it doesn’t work unless you drink rocket fuel. Make this week the week to suffer responsibly for…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]