HUMOUR
Dear Peakie
November 22, 2020By: Kyla Dowling, Peak Associate Dear Peakie, I’m graduating in Spring 2021 and I don’t know how to start looking for a career! Sincerely, Your Next LinkedIn Network Request Hey Your Next LinkedIn Network Request! Firstly, don’t add me on LinkedIn. The idea of being associated with an SFU graduate makes me far too optimistic that I too will get out of this cesspit, and I can’t cope with false hope. Secondly, a JOB? In THIS economy?! Baby, what year are you living in? It’s certainly not 2020! Given that you didn’t provide your major, I’ll assume that you’re not…
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Student upset that his performative moustache for Movember won’t be seen under his mask
November 21, 2020By: Devana Petrovic, Staff Writer It’s that time of the year again. Fellas of all shapes and sizes, of all hair colours and textures, of all Call of Duty usernames, it’s time for us to rise up and prove just…
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Top Ten ways to help lockdown go by quicker
November 18, 2020By: Juztin Bello, Copy Editor Hit up your ex Since dating your ex ended up being a waste of time despite your initial thoughts, inserting yourself back into their life during lockdown truly lives up to the “unprecedented times” we’re…
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Plot-heavy porn soars in popularity as the pandemic leaves population lonely
November 18, 2020By: Sarah Russo, SFU Student VANCOUVER, BC — A wholly baseless study done by two horny dudes on Reddit revealed that their equally horny online friends recently started searching for porn with painfully lengthy intros “just to feel something” this…
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Student swears by swimming in dense scholarly articles for quarantine workout
November 17, 2020By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor When this pandemic started, I really didn’t go out and move around as much as I used to. With half the population deciding to take up running or biking for the first time in their…
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SFUnexplained: Vampire hunters unfairly overtook the observatory
November 16, 2020By: Carter Hemion, Peak Associate We already know there are vampire hunters among us — some of whom are our own classmates (looking at you, guy in my English class who only turns on his mic to argue against whether…
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Student selling soul on Facebook used textbook page — along with other irrelevant items
November 16, 2020By: Devana Petrovic, Staff Writer BURNABY, BC — Vadia Gondew, SFU student, failed co-op participant, and eternal debt-and-general-misery holder, is reportedly putting her soul up for sale on Facebook Marketplace, since no other resale site would accept the posting of…
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COVID-19 family confessionals
November 15, 2020By: Turkish Delight and Oogly Boogly By Turkish Delight This is the tale of an eccentric mind experiencing the effects of the pandemic. It all started a couple months ago when my Dad started watching a Turkish television drama. Keep…
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“I understand these are trying times,” says the professor making the times trying
November 9, 2020By: Kyla Dowling, Peak Associate Subject Line: Paper now due Tuesday From: [email protected] To: AHH 101 (All Sections) Date: November 5, 3:33 a.m. Students, Many of you have asked for an extension on the 14-page organometallic chemistry paper due on…
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The only things that could save 2020 at this point
November 8, 2020By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor With but a few weeks left in this godforsaken year, not much could be done to leave off on a relatively high note. With no vaccination in the near future, at this point, these are…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]