HUMOUR
My hear me out cake
June 9, 2025By: Sarah Sorochuk, Peak Associate Times New Roman (size 12) This font has gyatt to be the original “hear me out.” With its classy formatting and fancy lowercase “a,” this is definitely the most bangable of the fonts. You cannot look at it and tell me you haven’t thought, “dayammm, if only Times New Roman was a real person.” 2. Google Maps What is more smexy than something that knows how to navigate the way to your happy spot (it’s White Spot, you sick fuck)? And goddamn hearing a smart strong voice ordering you around. Just driving in a car,…
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Peak Speaks: Answers from r/simonfraser!
June 9, 2025By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor Q: If you had to marry a building on campus, which one would it be and why? u/Matt_The_Slime: “Marry the library, wait for it to die from asbestos poisoning, take all its money after. EZ.”…
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JOB AD: AQ Accident Control Officer
June 4, 2025By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor and Sarah Sorochuk, Peak Associate Feel an urge to make a difference in the world? Do you have big muscles and are built like a Greek god? Are you ready to block student hooligans who…
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Italian-Estonian relations hit a bitter brew over Eurovision song
June 4, 2025By: Zainab Salam, Part-time barista Eurovision has presented the world with its fair share of entertaining spectacle. This year, the diversion presents a brewing controversy of the caffeinated kind. Estonian artist Tommy Cash’s performance of Estonia’s entry song, “Espresso Macchiato,”…
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The Peak’s Classifieds section
June 3, 2025By: Corbett Gildersleve, News Writer “chitter, growl, growl, snarl, chitter chitter howl, growl, shake, dig dig, sniff, chitter” Contact: trail of trash leading into the forest Found a “Sense of Joy” trapped in the water grates running along the…
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The Peak investigates: Mayonnaise mayhem
May 27, 2025By: Sarah Sorochuk, Investigative Journalist Dollar Tree has been caught selling squeeze bottles of mayonnaise for 25 cents a jar. What’s the reason? The scoop, or rather the spread, is within spoon’s reach. People have been making up their own…
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Five things to replace the SFU sign with
May 21, 2025By: Ashima Shukla, Postmodernist-in-Residence In a shocking yet unsurprising twist, SFU was recently robbed of its soul. No, not our collective conscience! The logo on the SFU welcome sign at the foot of the campus. The beloved red symbol of…
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Guy Who Knows it All advice column: Parking purgatory
May 19, 2025By: The Guy Who Knows it All I have a humongous problem on my hands. And I heard you’re the best at solving those since you’re a Beedie student! I mainly have classes on the Burnaby campus, and parking here…
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My Summertime Classes by Sarah Sorochuk and Lana Del Rey
May 19, 2025By: Sarah Sorochuk, Peak Associate Going to bed with a DIY spray tan, Summertime classes. Waking up for an 8:00 a.m., My summertime classes. I’ve got my backpack on today, Dreaming of a day when I could be away.…
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