By: Sarah Sorochuk, Investigative Journalist
Dollar Tree has been caught selling squeeze bottles of mayonnaise for 25 cents a jar. What’s the reason? The scoop, or rather the spread, is within spoon’s reach. People have been making up their own theories on multiple subreddits, yet none make any sense.
After countless hours of hard work and eating mayonnaise with our fingers (hey, method acting exists for journalism too), The Peak’s investigative news team has come up with the most reasonable explanations for this phenomenon.
- Misclick mistake
When going through inventory, one employee noticed all the shelves that held mayonnaise were empty, along with all storage shelving in the back. So, they took charge of the digital ordering program. When inputting the amount to order rather than selecting 50, they misclicked, adding a few extra zeros. Totalling the order to 5,000 mayonnaise bottles — the store had no choice but to price ‘em cheap.
Was it a rookie mistake? Or perhaps a severe mayonnaise craving from a hungry employee? No whistleblowers have spoken out yet.
2. Trending #MayoNeighs
A couple of social media influencers on my very niche TikTok feed have cancelled mayonnaise brands for their “unethical” ingredients. The most popular #MayoNeigh? Seed oils. Influencers are ditching canola and making homemade mayonnaise from a mixture of raw milk, captured rain water from Côte d’Ivoire, and a single tear from a fossilized cow from 1300 BC. Oh, and don’t forget the beef tallow.
This could have resulted in retailers being unable to sell any mayonnaise, let alone give it away for free. Once again, they would have to price ‘em cheap.
3. Crimes against Dollar Tree
Teenagers have been finding that the easiest stores to rob are union-busting companies that sell cheap products. These teens of terror have begun taking over Dollar Tree locations one by one. To put an end to this crisis, Dollar Tree employees have designed a trap for these hooligans. One that sells mayonnaise as the cheapest product that they could steal.
When they eventually take a lick of the mayo (because all thieves sample the product before they leave the premises) and collapse in disgust, enter the TransLink Transit Police to save the day. Don’t ask why they’re there, they don’t know either. What a cool sting operation.
4. Favouritism . . .
In recent days it has come out that the founder of Dollar Tree loved his mayonnaise. So, in honour of his memory, each store has decided to reduce the price of mayonnaise, thereby raising awareness for starting a new global holiday — Mayo Day. The goal of this price drop is to encourage shoppers to buy mayo more frequently and to respark a lost love for condiments. Ketchup has too much love coming its way and it’s time to make a change. Spread the love, not rotten tomatoes.
5. Stating the obvious . . . Or is it?
Or if you don’t believe any of these reasons, then you can always assume the mayo they reduced was near or well past its expiry date . . . But to any other person you have to know that this is the least realistic!
Well, another one bites the dust, SFU. If you enjoyed this super cool investigation and want to see more, please e-transfer me $10. Investigative reporter out.
If you have any investigative tips for The Peak, please buy $10,000 worth of gift cards, write the tip on the back, and mail it to us.
