HUMOUR
Relentless reasons to (not) love spring
May 7, 2024Editor's note: a previous version of this article referenced the song “Cotton Eye Joe.” It has come to our attention that this song has racist connotations. We apologize for referencing a piece of work that has caused historical harm and negatively references enslaved people. The reference has now been removed. By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer Ah, do you smell that? Spring is in the air. Achoo! What’s not to love about the downpour of endless showers and a blossom-budding, bug-infested season? All the pollen, creepy-crawlies, and hay fever really put a spring in your step. There’s this spider in my…
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Horoscopes May 6 – 12
May 6, 2024By: C Icart, Humour Editor Aries March 21–April 19 Just delete all your social media. You do not have the self-control to prevent yourself from typing, “must be nice spending your parents money insert face blowing a kiss emoji here”…
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A hate letter to my immune system
March 27, 2024By: Kelly Chia, Editor-in-Sick Dear body, We’ve had our differences these past two months, huh? Since you’ve wrecked my stomach day after day for no apparent reason, I gave up garlic and onions. Apparently they can irritate your sensitive system.…
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Casting for Love Is Blind: SFU Edition is underway
March 27, 2024By: Izzy Cheung, staff writer Yes, you read that correctly — the Netflix favourite reality TV series, Love Is Blind, is coming to SFU! This “experimental” show follows singles as they attempt to find the love of their life without…
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Everyone and their dog is at the beach
March 26, 2024By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer Spring is in the air! Or is it? The first nice day of the year brings all the winter hibernators to the beach, frolicking around like vampires who haven’t seen the sun for six months.…
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Local enby starting every conversation with “have you purchased my gift yet?” during their birthday month
March 26, 2024By: C Icart, Humour Editor After 11 torturous non-birthday months, soon to be 25-year-old Blue Rose (again, totally not a pseudonym I am making up for myself) is finally back in their birthday era. In the tradition of Trina Vega,…
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STORYTIME: THE SPIDER IN MY BATHROOM HAS A FINSTA (part 3)
March 19, 2024By: C Icart, Humour Editor Y’allllll. I don’t wanna hear it, I don’t wanna hear it! I know I’m posting this storytime late, but is it my channel or yours? That’s what I thought. Anyway, I’m not a full-time YouTuber…
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The battle of telecommunications vs. grocery store executives
March 19, 2024By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer Well, the big corporate executives are about to throw a big ol’ showdown of the great battle of grocery stores versus telecommunication expenses. Who’s screwing over Canadians more? Get down and dirty with the debate…
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Wash your goddamn water bottle
March 14, 2024By: Olivia Visser, Copy Editor Heeeey, you. You know who you are. You’re the one who believes you only have to wash me once a month, and believe me — we can all tell what’s going on. It’s time for…
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My Stanley and I (a toxic relationship)
March 14, 2024By: Saije Rusimovici, Staff Writer Dearest Stanley cup, Despite the fact that people say you’re obnoxiously large, you fit me perfectly. I would carry you from the car (really, you should have your own seat), to the classroom, to the…
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