Horoscope
SFUnexplained: SHOCKING STINKY TRUTHS in the sixth floor AQ
January 30, 2022My name is Dr. Gregory “Sniffers” Martin (57 at the time of writing) and I’m here with SHOCKING news about SFU that will change your perception of reality forever. Do you think you’re safe to just wander around the campus aimlessly? You think former SFU president Andrew Petter is puppeteering your grades behind the scene? I’m here to provide a voice for your concerns. And boy, did SFU step in it this time. Reportedly, there’s a gas leak in the sixth floor of the Academic Quadrangle (suspiciously referred to as the “AQ”) And as usual, this news is being stuffed…
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Horoscopes January 24–28
January 25, 2022ARIES: One day this semester — when you least expect it — a tall dark stranger will come to you with grave news. Be nice to them, the cemetery industry is pretty dead nowadays, and they’re excited to share this…
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Horoscopes January 17–21
January 19, 2022ARIES: Sorry I haven’t gotten out of retrograde. I accidentally had caffeinated tea at 8:00 p.m. last night and my orbital schedule has been a nightmare. — Mercury TAURUS: I get that you’re really into the phrase, “The early…
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Your SFU horoscopes: January 10–14
January 11, 2022ARIES: After horoscopes have repeatedly failed to accurately predict the ups and downs of your life, you’re starting to doubt their efficacy. At least until right now, when the stars — and I — absolutely nailed it. TAURUS: Stay tuned…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: May 11–17
May 11, 2020Aries: How’s that “grass is greener on the other side” mindset going for you now? Take the time to forgive yourself for that compulsory Amazon purchase. Which one, you ask? Maybe the one that didn’t help you build your alternate…
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Horoscopes for Busy People
July 20, 2014At Peak Humour we understand that you're probably a very busy person who doesn't have time to waste reading the typical vague statements about what you might want to do or may want to avoid in your day as found…
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Horoscope: November 19, 2012
November 19, 2012Aries (March 21 – April 20) This week you save $3.45 and anyone from ever finding your body trying to save money by “mining your damn own copper.” Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Don’t make mountains out of molehills…
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Horoscope: October 14, 2012
October 14, 2012Aries (March 21 – April 20) You don’t care what they say, if you lead that horse to water, you will make it drink. Swathes of drowned horses be damned. Taurus (April 21 – May 21) It’s time to break…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]