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SPOOF: Famous Feuds of 2016
January 9, 2017SFU Exams vs. The Snow What’s this? What’s this? What the fuck is this?! Snow is a big cock-slap in the face, and Metro Vancouver had that frozen dick whap her right on her pink cheeks this winter. SFU felt the whiplash of the cock-slap over the exam period — cancelling and rescheduling a plethora of exams because of the road conditions. The SFU exams tried their best to fight back, but no one gave a shit because what big nerd would try to save exams. That icy cold dick got them walkin’ side to side, because the sidewalks were…
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SPOOF: The Short List
January 9, 2017Larissa Chen It has been an incredible feat that while she was initially elected as VP student services representative, Larissa Chen quickly rose to her new title as Simon Fraser Student Society (SFSS) president when Deepak failed to enroll in…
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SPOOF: SFU’s Firsts and Lasts of 2016
January 9, 2017Firsts March 13 – First time president Petter emerged from his office after five months of hibernation April 21 – First time the Highland Pub shockingly announced they were running a deficit June 3 – First time an SFSS president…
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SFU releases sexual violence policy draft for feedback
January 6, 2017On Wednesday, January 4, SFU released a draft of its sexual violence policy for feedback. All post-secondary institutions across BC will be required to implement a final version of these policies by May 2017. The Peak spoke with former VP…
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Men’s basketball’s offence shut down by Alaska Anchorage in 77–47 loss
January 6, 2017Nearly a week removed from a close 103–98 loss to the nationally ranked Western Washington, their best offensive output of the season, the SFU men’s basketball team had reason to be optimistic. This is a team that can compete. But…
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Hot new slang to use in 2017
January 4, 2017Lemon-sucking fuck-face: Bae is a lazy acronym for lazy lovers who blow their load before you can even start thinking about having an orgasm. You left that premature motherfucker in 2016 for better dick, and you should leave the term…
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Best albums of 2016
January 4, 2017If 2016 were a movie, it would be a blockbuster disaster movie with a perfectly peculiar soundtrack. Artists ignored the boundaries of genre, creating pieces that showcased their progression and vulnerabilities as artists and people. So I tried to put…
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SFU scores season high 80 points in win over Concordia
January 3, 20172016 for SFU ended the same way it began - with a win against Concordia University. After defeating the Cavaliers on January 2, 2016, they did the same on New Year's Eve, with a 80–58 victory. Coming into the contest,…
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Year in Review: Major SFU news from 2016
January 2, 2017While 2016 has been an eventful year globally, SFU has experienced some major controversies and changes this year. Here is a rundown of the top SFU news stories of 2016. Virgil Hill On April 1, former SFU basketball head coach…
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New year, new me(aningless promises)
January 2, 2017The relationship between time and us here at SFU is gorgeously complex. We beg for more of it, demand the impossible from it, and curse the concept of it. Making deadlines, outings, and self-care fit together is like assembling a…
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