Fifth annual Women’s Safety Fair puts violence against women front and centre

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October 11, 2016

womens_cmyk — Kaitlin Warren, BC 211 Resources & Public Specialist

The fifth annual Women’s Safety Fair took place at SFU Harbour Centre on October 5, and was hosted by the Vancouver Police Department (VPD) as well as other community agencies.

The event was comprised of several dialogue-based activities, including community discussions on women’s safety, a VPD Women’s Personal Safety team demonstration, a Transit Police safety presentation, and information booths on women’s safety.

“The dangers that women face are unique. It’s not OK for [them] to feel uncomfortable,” said Ben Stevens, VPD Detective Constable and one of the event organizers. “This event gets that message out to the community and offers a one-stop shop for services they can access.”

For instance, as many students are daily users of the public transit system, Constable Bruce Shipley of the Metro Vancouver Transit Police Services talked about TransLink’s new emergency text line, 87-77-77. This is a discreet means of reporting criminal behaviour on transit, in comparison to pressing the yellow silent alarm. “We need to educate people on what resources we have,” said Shipley. “So many people still don’t know what we as transit police do.”

In addition to police departments, non-profits such as Women Against Violence Against Women (WAVAW) and BC211, among many others, were also present to speak about the support they can offer to women and survivors of sexual violence.

“We provide counselling, support, a 24-hour crisis line, hospital accompaniment for survivors. We always give women agency on whether they choose to report an assault or not, [and] offer them the option of reporting through a third party as well,” said Ashley Teja, a victims services worker at WAVAW.

Kaitlin Warren, a representative from BC211, a non-profit funded in partnership with United Way, also mentioned that they offer a 24-hour phone line for referrals to community and social services.

The event didn’t lack in SFU presence, either. Organizations like the SFU Women’s Centre and Consent Matters SFU also had representatives at the event. Leah Horlick, the SFU Women’s Centre coordinator said of the event, “More than just women’s safety, I’m interested in ending the systems that perpetuate violence against women. I think it’s important today to have all these support organizations together so we can connect about the work that we do and build more of a capacity [for it].”

Hosting the fair at the university also brought up discussion about institutional change on the issue of sexual assault, and what students could do to bring about that change. “We want to know how institutions are holding perpetrators [of sexual assault] accountable,” said Teja. “It’s important to have dialogue with other organizations, as it gives us an opportunity to change the narrative.”

SFU hosts public discussion on gentrification in Chinatown

By

EIC

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October 11, 2016

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For many citizens, gentrification in Vancouver’s Chinatown is an ongoing concern. As more and more expensive condos, boutiques, and restaurants are constructed, some worry that lower income residents will be displaced and the character of the neighbourhood will be lost.

On October 5, many of those citizens gathered at SFU’s Goldcorp Centre for the Arts, for a panel discussion addressing the question: What is the Vision for Chinatown? The panel was presented by SFU’s Vancity Office of Community Engagement and the Heritage Vancouver Society.

The panel featured Chanel Ly, Doris Chow, Henry Yu, Gregory Borowski, and Carol Anne Lee, and was moderated by Bill Yuen. All the panelists were concerned with maintaining Chinatown’s heritage and increasing interest in the area, but each had different ideas about how to approach this.

UBC Professor Henry Yu talked about the importance of heritage policy to preserve and protect historic businesses. But he also stressed that “having a place that has meaning does not mean being stuck in the past.” Yu argued that new approaches to preserving history are needed, and that a balance must be found between the old and new.

Echoing this was Carol Anne Lee, CEO of Linacare Laboratories in Chinatown. In 2009, Lee founded the Vancouver Chinatown Foundation. She is currently in the process of revitalizing her second restaurant in Chinatown, and believes that food is a vital part of the neighbourhood.

Chanel Ly and Doris Chow work with Chinese seniors in the Downtown Eastside and Chinatown. Both look at more community-based approaches to neighbourhood engagement.

Chow is the co-founder of the Youth Collaborative for Chinatown, a group trying to increase youth engagement in the neighbourhood through intergenerational activities, such as mahjong socials. She sees a lot of young people who are “taking inspiration from their elders, and trying to get in touch with their roots” by learning more about their Chinese heritage.

However, she said she worries about the sustainability of projects like hers without any formal sources of funding.

Ly said that seniors, the people most impacted by the changes in Chinatown, are not being consulted. She pointed out that there were no Chinese seniors on the panel, and very few at the event. She said that this reflects the fact that although many people talk about accommodating seniors, they are often not invited to the discussion table.

Community member William Lim agreed. He expressed worry that, too often, decisions are made in favour of business rather than people. He said, “any urban development must first be about the people that live in that community. They can’t be ignored.”

Ly also runs a Youth for Chinese Seniors project, and she remains hopeful that positive changes can come through collaborations between these two groups. “The youth are more political,” she said. “They’re really trying to raise the voices of the people most impacted, and to be part of the decision-making.”

Bidding farewell to yet another safe queer space

By

EIC

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October 11, 2016

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“After 14 years, AfterEllen as we know it will be effectively shutting down as of Friday,” editor-in-chief of AfterEllen, Trish Bendix, shared. It was devastating news that shook the queer community at the end of September, and continues to shake us now.

AfterEllen was one of the biggest websites dedicated exclusively to lesbian, bisexual, and queer women. It served the community with pop culture critiques, interviews, and the latest news on our favourite queer celebrities. In the past two years, however, the site has failed to attract enough advertiser support. And in media, if you can’t attract advertisers, you’re as good as gone, no matter how important you may be to a community.

When I first came across AfterEllen, I was 17, confused, and madly in love with a woman twice my age. I had also just discovered Ellen DeGeneres, and instantly became obsessed with her. Ellen taught me that being a lesbian was OK, that you could be gay and still be beautiful and funny and insanely successful. Ellen was the first positive portrayal of a lesbian I had ever seen — and similarly, AfterEllen was the first place where I saw queer women at the centre of attention and being celebrated. As a young closeted lesbian living in a small town in the most conservative part of Germany, AfterEllen was the door to the virtual queer community I so desperately needed.

Hearing about the website’s end was devastating, and I am definitely not the only one mourning the loss. Countless women have also come out and reminisced about AfterEllen’s influence in their lives. One Facebook post I read summed up my thoughts exactly: “AfterEllen brought me a sense of comfort and community at a time of uncertainty and even fear when I was coming to terms with being gay. I certainly don’t think I’m the only one that can say it.”

Besides this nostalgia, however, another frequently expressed sentiment was anger. Anger that queer women have lost yet another space we called our own for so many years, just because someone wasn’t able to make a profit from it.

But why is it that platforms catering exclusively to queer women are unable to generate sufficient revenue to survive? The founder of AfterEllen Sarah Warn has explored one possible theory on this issue. In a series of tweets following Bendix’s announcement, Warn wrote that even though queer women statistically make more money than straight women and therefore at least in theory would constitute an attractive group to market to, advertisers have persistently been more interested in advertising to gay men. “I developed a theory [. . .] that stereotypes work FOR gay men as consumers (travelers, affluent) & AGAINST lesbians (no $$, don’t care about clothes, etc.) [. . .] I had hoped time and data would change minds, but [it] still seems the same.”

Even though acceptance for queer and trans women has been continuously increasing, we are still far from a society where our safer spaces are expendable

AfterEllen has not been the only one affected by this problem: other sites such as SheWired or CherryGrrl have faced similar fates, and even Autostraddle, another major site dedicated to queer and trans women, has previously been on the brink of closing down.

Since the founding of AfterEllen in 2002, times have certainly changed. Warn remembers the early years of the website as being “a strange, limbo-y time for queer entertainment.” Melissa Etheridge was out and thriving, and The L Word had just been announced — yet at the same time, Ellen DeGeneres was still struggling to find work after publicly coming out in 1997. Today, queer culture has moved more into the mainstream, with outlets such as The Huffington Post and BuzzFeed making an effort to include LGBTQ+ voices, thereby significantly expanding the community’s visibility. Nevertheless, this emergence from the margins also means a loss of spaces that queer women in particular could truly claim as their own. This begins with the closure of countless lesbian bars in the past years, and continues with virtual spaces such as AfterEllen being shut down. Even though acceptance for queer and trans women has been continuously increasing, we are still far from a society where our safer spaces — whether virtual or physical — are expendable.

In the wake of the loss of AfterEllen as well as other beloved queer spaces, the question remains what we as a queer community, as well as our allies and supporters, can do. Bendix gives a clear answer to that: “Support queer women, women of color, trans women – give other deserving women your money, your eyeballs, your attention. Donate to their Kickstarters, visit their websites, advertise in their pages, buy their albums, go see their films in theaters, purchase their novels, frequent their businesses. Queer women are worthy. We are worthy.”

COMIC: MYSTIC MAN vs Marc

By

EIC

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October 11, 2016

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Kubo and the Two Strings is more than just a family film, it’s an artistic masterwork

By

EIC

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October 10, 2016

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Kubo and the Two Strings is a must-see 3D stop-motion animation that leaves you dizzy with childlike wonder.

After having watched it three times, I found myself saying “If you liked Spirited Away by Hayao Miyazaki, you will probably like this film as well.” Cue the gasps. Yes, I got the same irrepressible, eerie, wondrous, unique experience as I do in Miyazaki’s work. I hadn’t watched the trailer before going in the first time, so I didn’t fully know what to expect, but what I got was wonderful.

This wonder is almost able to mask the fact that — in a movie that has such strong Japanese overtones — the main characters were voiced by Caucasians. I’m still not fully convinced by Travis Knight’s casting decisions, but that does not take away from the beauty or power of the story.

Kubo and the Two Strings was emotionally powerful. It focuses on themes of unity and family, and explores the very broad ideas of home and stories. (Trying to not give away any spoilers but did “Fly home Kubo, fly home,” make anyone else choke up?) Is home the cavern on the outskirts of town where he lived with his fading mother, or is it among the town where the villagers listened intently to his stories and gave him a metaphorical home? The script held so much for viewers to take away and ponder over when walking out of the theatre — the way good films always do.

Artistically, the movie is absolutely breathtaking. If the plot doesn’t reel you in, go and watch the film for the art of it. The enchanting soundtrack, the colour splashes, scenery inspired by ancient Japan, shifts in lighting, and the smooth sophistication of the stop-motion in itself all collectively plays out so beautifully on the screen. Stick around through the credits at the end, because there is a little clip of the stop-motion process for one of the monsters, and it’s super rad. But if that’s not your thing, stick around for the gorgeous song that plays during the closing credits.

Dancing along to the sounds of Warpaint

By

EIC

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October 10, 2016

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Warpaint, an indie-rock/dream-pop girl band from Los Angeles, is on tour for the new album Heads Up.

They put on an incredible live performance at the Imperial on September 20, engaging the audience with laid-back hip swings and perfectly timed hair tosses. I would even argue that the band’s live sound is even better than its recorded sound; you could just feel the waves of musical passion infect the crowd.

This was my first time at the Imperial, and I was shocked at how gorgeous the venue was, especially because it’s in a bit of a shady area near Chinatown. The doors to the venue opened at 8 p.m., and the set list went as follows: 9 p.m. Goldensuns, 9:45 p.m. Facial, and 11 p.m. Warpaint. When the set list was released the day of the concert, I was a little disappointed that Warpaint was starting at 11 p.m. and we had such short notice about it.

The show opened with Goldensuns, an indie-rock band from Los Angeles. They played well — nothing extraordinary — but I found them to be talented and a good opener for Warpaint.

By the time Facial came on stage, I was nodding off a little bit, and was sharply awakened by the band’s music. It started off strong with a song that had good lyrics and tight vocals, and then they proceeded to slide to the seventh circle of hell. Its genre is what I would put under punk rock, and each screaming song felt like someone was smashing a beer bottle into my brain. Something about the performance gave me the vibe that it was the kind of band that jacks off to its own music — you know?

Finally, finally! Warpaint came on and was glorious from the moment they swung the guitar strap over their groovy outfits. They played a lot of new music from the album and it was a very refreshing, dream-pop sound.

Although I hadn’t heard much of their music before the concert, it was an enjoyable experience and they turned me into a fan. All the members of Warpaint are talented and confident on stage, but Stella Mozgawa impressed me a great deal: what a fantastic drummer! I was a little bummed she didn’t comply to the audience screaming “Stella’s drum solo!”

The crowd applauded and stomped their feet for a solid five minutes before Warpaint graced the stage once more for two encore songs. By this point in the night, it seemed probable that not a single person in the tightly packed room wasn’t dancing and having a great night.

NHL Preview: Division favourites, dark horses, and the Canucks

By

EIC

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October 10, 2016

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clyde-ovi-flickr — Alex Ovechkin and the Washington Capitals will be amongst the favourites to win the Stanley Cup once again.

After a long summer of reflection and planning, we’re just days away from the start of the new NHL season. Let’s take a quick look at some of the top contenders this season, a couple dark horses to keep an eye on, and finish up with some local flair.

Atlantic Favourite – Florida Panthers: The Panthers have recently been on the upswing, and this current group took a big step forward by making the playoffs and providing a strong test against a more veteran Islanders roster. Florida looks to win its first playoff series since 1996 and has brought in veteran defencemen Keith Yandle and Jason Demers to give the team the edge it needs. With a mix of youngsters and tested veterans, the Panthers should be able to return to the playoffs and be a tough test.

Metropolitan Favourite – Washington Capitals: It’s hard to not put the current Stanley Cup Champions as the favourite, but the Capitals are a team with room to grow. Alex Ovechkin still leads this mostly veteran team, but youngsters Evgeny Kuznetsov, Andre Burakovsky, and Dmitry Orlov can take small steps forward, leading to bigger results for the whole team. While the playoffs may provide an entirely different challenge, the Capitals have dominated the regular season and that trend should continue.

Central Favourite – Nashville Predators: The Predators didn’t do a lot this offseason, but they made one giant splash, trading long-time captain Shea Weber for superstar P.K. Subban. Nashville boasts a strong defence and a deep group of forwards who can score. The only question mark is in net, where Pekka Rinne hasn’t been strong the last few seasons.

Pacific Favourite – San Jose Sharks: The Pacific looks to be the toughest division to call, but the Sharks are a safe bet to win it. Martin Jones provided fantastic goaltending throughout the season and can be expected to improve after a deep playoff run. While everyone in the division looks to have question marks on their rosters, the Sharks return much of their roster and can be expected to pick up from where they left off.

Eastern Dark Horse – Columbus Blue Jackets: For what feels like the first time in Blue Jackets history, the team will be fielding a strong group of defenders to accompany their group of scoring forwards. Youngsters Seth Jones and Ryan Murray will likely be joined by rookie Zach Werenski to anchor a strong defence. Off the heels of Sergei Bobrovsky putting up fantastic efforts at the World Cup of Hockey, Columbus looks to be more than a one-dimensional team. This could lead to a playoff berth.

Western Dark Horse – Winnipeg Jets: The Jets look to bounce back from missing the playoffs after previously making it the season prior. Winnipeg continues to add young talent to its roster, with second overall pick Patrik Laine likely joining the team along with young defender Josh Morrissey. The problem Winnipeg has faced is that, despite how balanced its team has been, it hasn’t been able to secure even average goaltending. Connor Hellebuyck will challenge for the starting spot, and if he or anyone else can provide at least average goaltending, the Jets should have the talent to compete for a playoff spot.

Vancouver Canucks: The Canucks should be a better team this season — but to what extent is anyone’s guess. New additions Loui Eriksson and Erik Gudbranson will help stabilize the team and bring much-needed scoring and defence help. The problem, which has been a perpetual one, is that the team lacks secondary scoring. The forwards are a strong group of checkers and grinders, but after the Sedins and Eriksson, the team desperately needs rookies to step up or else improvement will be minimal.

Your last-minute Halloween costume survival guide

By

EIC

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October 10, 2016

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Halloween is fast-approaching, and there’s a good chance you have an invite or two to respond to. If you’re in need of a last-minute costume, we got you. All of these are cheap, easy to assemble, last-minute ideas for your average costume procrastinator. So sit back, relax, and let us help you half-ass Halloween this year.

Your own evil twin

The ultimate money-saving costume, dressing as your own evil twin only requires one item: a fake moustache. You can either paint one on with an eyebrow pencil (this works especially well for a thin, French-style moustache) or buy a fake one. – MJH

The pink girl emoji

Have a plain pink shirt? Can you make your hair and face look plain? Perfect, you can be the emoji of a girl in a pink shirt. She has a few different poses and faces; just make sure you’re making a different pose in every photo taken that night. – TC

One cool cat

Back in second year, I really wanted to wear a costume, but I didn’t have the confidence to go full out. I decided to wear all black with a leather jacket and sunglasses. To top it off, I wore cat ears. I was a real cool cat (and yes, I did get the idea from an episode of Community). – JP

Becky with the good hair

Slap on a nametag saying “Becky,” and then spend the rest of the time on your hair. – AF

Pirate

If you ever have to get ready for a costume party quickly, and don’t have dress-up clothes, being a pirate is fast and simple. Throw on a striped shirt and some black denim shorts or pants, and you’re most of the way there. Search your room for some black boots and a red scarf or bandana to tie around your head, and you’re set! Optional: a single hoop earring or cardboard sword. – MO

Hockey player

Own a hockey jersey? Put it on. Now you’re a hockey player. Welcome to the team. – NB

Error

Run to your computer and print off a page that says “404 COSTUME NOT FOUND.” There you have it, you’re an error. – NR

Beauty queen runner-up

Super quick, and super fun. All you have to do is apply a lot of mascara to your eyelashes and your cheeks. In order to really sell it, you can wear a sash that says “runner-up.” But the mascara will be enough to convince folks you’re one sad little beauty queen. – NS

SFU defeats Northwest Nazarene in straight sets

By

EIC

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October 8, 2016

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Emma Jennings finished the game with 11 kills.

A night after the women’s soccer team beat the Northwest Nazarene Crusaders 3–0 on home turf, the volleyball team took its turn, winning a 3–0 sweep against the Idaho rivals in the West Gym on Friday.

Despite the seemingly easy win — with SFU winning the three sets 25–21, 25–18, 25–15 — there were a lot of unforced errors, and many of the sets lasted longer than SFU would have liked. But with the win, they aren’t complaining.

“It’s always nice to get a conference win, so I’m happy with the result,” said head coach Gina Schmidt. “We had a few lapses of letting them back in the game with some unfocused play, but we did a good job of refocusing and getting the job done.”

In the first set, SFU quickly jumped out to a 10-point lead, 16–6. However, they let the Crusaders right back into the set with a five-point run, and eventually founds themselves up by only 22–21. After a timeout, three straight points gave SFU the set.

Midway through the second, Northwest Nazarene found its first lead of the game at 14–12, after a four-point run. A nine-point run gave SFU a decisive lead, and the Clan won the set by seven points.

SFU didn’t surrender the lead at all during the third set. After the first two serves, they led by at least two points, ending with a 10-point victory.

Middle blocker Tessa May led the attack with 16 kills, while senior outside hitters Emma Jennings and Devon May both put up double-digit kills — 11 each. Jennings leads the team in kills with 162 over the course of the season, while Devon is close behind with 157.

Libero Alison McKay was key on the defensive side of the game, putting up 14 digs. McKay leads the Great Northwest Athletic Conference (GNAC) for digs with 358.

Just over halfway into the 2016 season, if SFU can keep up its winning ways, the team appears to be in contention for an NCAA Division II playoff spot.

Just eight teams from the West Region — which contains the GNAC, as well as the California Collegiate Athletic Association and PacWest conferences — make the playoffs. The three division leaders gain automatic entry, while the next five best teams from any of the three conferences gain an invitation. Last year, three GNAC teams — Alaska Anchorage, Central Washington, and Western Washington — made it.

With a 12–2 record against West Region opponents (as only one of SFU’s non-conference games was also a non-regional game), it seems that SFU should have a fighting chance, GNAC title or not. Even Alaska Anchorage, the GNAC leader and team currently on track for an automatic playoff berth, is not untouchable with a 7–0 conference record.

But SFU doesn’t have much breathing room. The win kept SFU in sole possession of second place in the GNAC with a 6–1 conference record. With two teams immediately behind SFU in the standings, the Clan can’t afford to lose too many games. Had Northwest Nazarene won, SFU would have been drawn into a four-team tie for second place.

“The conference is really tight, so every game is important, every win is important, so we’re just focusing on one game at a time and that’s all you can do with a conference this tight,” said Schmidt.

TONIGHT: The Clan takes on the Central Washington Wildcats at 7 p.m. in the West Gym. The Wildcats are one of the two teams immediately behind SFU with a 5–2 record.

Central Washington leads the entire NCAA Division II in blocking, with 2.74 blocks per set. Last season, SFU lost both games to the Wildcats in five sets.

“[They’re] a big physical team, so we’ve got to make sure we’re mixing up our offence, keeping them off balance and hopefully serving them tough to keep them out of system,” said Schmidt.

NEW MUSIC FRIDAY

By

Peak Web

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October 7, 2016

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By: Tegan Gallilee-Lang, Courtney Miller, Jessica Pickering, and Jessica Whitesel

Follow The Peak on Spotify to stay up to date on New Music Friday.

“24K Magic” – Bruno Mars

Jessica Whitesel: OMG whyyyyyyyy? I’m 10 seconds in, and I’m just like nope, not the autotune. Also it’s this weird mix of like modern music but I also feel like it wouldn’t be out of place in a movie or TV show about the ‘70s since I’m getting a kind of disco vibe from it. It’s weird and doesn’t make sense.

Jessica Pickering: I hate Bruno Mars so much. If you think you like him, listen to Donald Glover’s cover of “Marry You” and try to tell me Mars’ version is better. Can’t wait for a good artist to cover this and make it decent.

Tegan Gallilee-Lang: Near the beginning of this song I was not ready to accept that this was in fact Bruno Mars singing, because surely Bruno Mars is the last person who needs autotune. Later I had to admit that despite electronic influences this song definitely has a distinctly uptown funk.

Courtney Miller: The beginning had me worried because of all the vocal effects, but they dissipated quickly and it was easier to enjoy the song. It’s not Mars’ best work, but it’s decent enough that I won’t complain when it comes on someone’s mix.

“Surfin’” – Kid Cudi feat. Pharrell Williams

JW: I want to like this song, but I also want to hate this song. It’s one of the ones where you need to listen more than once to get a feel for it. Lyrically though it’s not Cudi’s strongest so there’s that.

JP: I give this song a loud and resounding NOPE. There’s too much going on, I feel so attacked right now. Y’all need to chill.

TGL: This song had a lot of potential because of that groovy (excuse the word — I promise I’m not 50) beat, but then it went absolutely nowhere! Cudi, probably: “Wow that intro was really great! Song finished amirite?”

CM: The introduction is too long and not dynamic. Coupled with an immediately overly repetitive chorus, I’m basically over this before it’s begun. I was hopeful when I saw Pharrell’s name on this song, but I’m decidedly disappointed. There are some good verses once you get into the song, but overall this song isn’t worth the time.

“Peace of Mind” – The Killers

JW: I knew that the Killers were on this playlist since I made it, but in the beginning it sounds like Muse. I was like no, there was no Muse on this list when I made it, so why is it here now? Then halfway through, it starts to sound more like the Killers, but honestly it’s one of their weaker tracks — and that’s saying a lot, given their post-Hot Fuss career trajectory.

JP: Honestly, if it’s not “Mr. Brightside,” I just don’t give a shit. This is just sad in more ways than one. I officially have stopped caring about the Killers.

TGL: I really wanna love this song, but all I kept thinking was, “Are they really going to use the same three chords the whole song?” Would listen again though, due to smooth Killers vocals.

CM: I know Tumblr has an obsession with Brandon Flowers, and lyrically, I’m on board. Musically though, I think I’m just not in the mood for such a mellow, slow song with lightly strained vocals. The layers are good, and if I was in a laid-back and reflective state, snuggled up in blankets with hot chocolate, I might be more into this.

“Let’s Hurt Tonight” – OneRepublic

JW: This song is for teen love-related angst. Seeing as I’m not a teen, or in love, or in angst over love, this song is just so blargh. I guess musically it is classic OneRepublic, but I’m just waiting to see awkward middle school kids slow dance across my computer screen.

JP: This is miles better than last week’s OneRepublic song. That being said, it sounds like everything else they’ve ever done. I stand by my original opinion: it’s time for them to retire.

TGL: Wow, I really like this song! It just gets better and more epic. The echoey chorus is my favourite part and I like the ¾-folky feel.

CM: Strong acoustic guitar opening. Heartfelt, good range, and it builds into the first chorus. I actually really love this, there’s so much power and great rhythm — this is the OneRepublic I adore.

“Bloodmoon” – White Sea

JW: For some reason I was expecting this to be metal. I’m pleasantly surprised that this is more of an electronic indie song with some elements of pop and experimental thrown in. I would like to hear what the vocalist could do without being so committed to being kind of breathy.

JP: I don’t get the appeal of this weird slow techno whatever genre. This seems like it would be a really good final credits theme for a Tom Cruise movie or something. Hope the hipsters enjoy it.

TGL: Meh. There’s too much synth. I feel like I’m in a computer.

CM: This is a darker style of alt rock and I’m legit digging it. The two different vocal styles play off each other and enhance the overall listening experience — I’m all over that. It reeks of power even if it has a slower tempo. This is the jam you play to psyche yourself up for a sacrifice.

“We Stay Together” – Kaiser Chiefs

JW: This song is kind of just meh and would make great background music at an event like a casual millennial cocktail party or something. But the single art looks like a very ‘80s version of a doughnut so there’s that. Now I want a doughnut so FU Kaiser Chiefs.

JP: The opening reminds me of Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight,” so like very ‘80s. Maybe you’re into that? But I am for sure not.

TGL: I’m in a disco! With Mika! And a lady’s there too! I say 10/10, would choose this as the song for the end of a movie celebration dance number.

CM: I really like “Love’s Not a Competition (But I’m Winning),” but this is not the same style as that song. The vocals are still that indie rock feel with a British twist, but there’s definitely more of a pop attempt with this new track. I don’t think it works for them very well; such an indie voice clashes with the overly produced — albeit groovy and a little funky — music, and it doesn’t end well.

“Drum” – MØ

JW: I’m sober. I can’t do this. Drunk me would be all over this, but sober me is screaming, “NO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE IT STOP.”

JP: OH GOD MAKE IT STOP. It’s so high-pitched my ears are bleeding. I hate this. Sorry, fam, I can’t even finish listening to this one. I’m bailing.

TGL: Well, they tried to churn out another top 40 hit but kinda missed the shot and ended up in a discarded pile along with a bunch of other songs you’ll hear in the club and not recognize.

CM: Well, the title is no lie. There are lots of drums and great rhythm throughout the song. I could see using this as one of the earlier songs on a playlist for a night with friends (it might even be good for dancing) but I feel no inclination to listen to this solo.

“Icarus” – R3hab

JW: Again, I am sober. See the above review of “Drum.” They are interchangeable in terms of nightclub music and fair, that’s great when you’re lit AF but when you are sober not so much.

JP: THIS ONE’S JUST AS BAD AS THE LAST ONE. What is happening?! I’m so sick of shitty New Music Friday playlists because famous people can’t do their goddamn jobs right. Somebody please make some good music.

TGL: The baby featured on this is really great at singing. Give that baby a record deal!

CM: My true “Icarus” love will always be Bastille’s, but this is pretty good. It’s got me bopping along and air-drumming, so couple that with lyrics and this is pretty solid. There are weird chipmunk-like sections in the song which I could do without, but they aren’t necessarily bad — they actually kind of work.

“You With Me” – Jimmy Eat World

JW: It’s Jimmy Eat World. I don’t really know what else to say about it. It sounds like them, it’s that special brand of pop/punk/rock that they got famous for, but like every song by them that isn’t “The Middle,” it’s just so forgettable.

JP: Far and away the best song on this week’s playlist. This is my type of music: chill pop. Upbeat but not in an “I need to dance right now” way. These are the songs I’m here for.

TGL: Harpsichord? HARPSICHORD? Is it? Someone tell me because I will like this song a lot more if I find out that this instrument is in fact the mystical, all-too-rarely used harpsichord.

CM: For whatever reason, I’ve always found Jimmy Eat World to be kind of hypnotic/trippy, so I feel like this would be even better stoned, if you’re into that kind of thing. However, it’s enjoyable as-is if you regularly like Jimmy Eat World’s stuff, or alt-rock/pop punk in general.

“What is Love 2016” – Lost Frequencies

JW: Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more. This song is hurting me. It’s one of the worst covers ever. It is just so bad. I’VE BEEN HURT AND OFFENDED.

JP: Why is the 2016 necessary? Has he put out others in previous years? After listening to this for a while, I now realize this is a cover of the Haddaway song. Because that’s the song that needed a resurgence. Whatever, at least I’m not getting rick-rolled (cause that trend needs to die forever).

TGL: NO!!! NO!!! NOT NECESSARY!! ORIGINAL SONG PERFECTLY FINE. Radio stations: please don’t play this so we can avoid a scenario in which kids today know this as the only “What is Love.”

CM: Loving the name right off the bat. The intro reminds me of earlier Paramore, but that doesn’t last long at all. It’d pretty clearly pop, but I really do love the guitar riff in this song. It’s not an obnoxious brand of pop, so I’d be super down to listen to this rhythmic song of my own volition.

“Phone Down” – Lost Kings feat. Emily Warren

JW: Don’t police my phone usage. Also, if your partner is more interested in their phone than you why are you still with them and bitching about it over a song? DUMP THEIR USELESS ASS. Find someone who loves you. If you did that I wouldn’t be forced to listen to this hot mess.

JP: I really wanted this to be a song about someone absolutely destroying their phone and them freaking out about it. Instead, it’s the much more obvious situation of someone wanting their significant other to get off their phone. The former would have been more entertaining.

TGL: Anthem for my yesterday. Is it that hard to pay attention to the people you are going out to specifically spend time with?? The anti-“Let Me Take A Selfie” song.

CM: Lyrically, it sounds like it was written by a baby boomer who’s dating a younger person and doesn’t understand mobile devices. I mean, I get the sentiment. You’re trying to sex up your partner and they’re too invested in their technology to notice, but like, try calmly talking to them instead of getting super indignant about it?

“In the Sky” – Ryan Hemsworth feat. Nebu Kiniza

JW: Hemsworth looks like a college library student staff member, not a DJ. Kiniza is mediocre at best. Also he references Juelz Santana, who even when he was “famous” was still super irrelevant. This just made me sad.

JP: Ending on a very low note. Who the fuck is this dude anyways? No wonder you need to say your name at the beginning of the song: no one knows who you are. Also, before you ask, he is not a Hemsworth brother. I checked.

TGL: I mean, yeah, I look up at the sky too. I feel you, man.

CM: I was super excited that there was going to be another hot Hemsworth brother in the universe’s eyes, but Hemsworth is actually a Canadian DJ, which is pretty cool too. I really like the track with the groovy rhythm that begs to be danced to. The vocals go well with the song, and I’d be fine with hearing this at a party.