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Oh, The Places You’ll Go (Before and After you Convocate)

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Humour
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Written by Jennifer Chou, SFU Student

Oh, the places you’ll go!

(Unless there is snow.)

. . . 

Congratulations on gradu-waiting,

it only took you six years.

From construction that’s deteriorating

and destroying your ears,

to crowded lines at the 145.

(When will the gondola arrive?)

 

There are some things you won’t miss,

Like Beedie-branded bottles

and staring into the abyss.

 

What about April Fools’ Day,

when we farted in Convo Mall and walked away?

Or those posters about some Club Crawl,

and Naruto-running to class in the AQ hall?

 

Don’t forget searching for microwaves on campus,

and bros dropping loud weights at the fitness centre.

Or finally breaking a sweat to make the bus,

only to be forbidden to enter.

 

But other things you don’t mind,

like earning tons of likes and shares on a meme,

and raccoons eating all the trash they can find

(AKA the piece of paper you call your degree).

 

Oh, the places you’ll go!

(But don’t visit the avocado.)

From the shuttle to the SUB,

and don’t forget the Anime Club,

SFU does many things to engage —

remember that when you cross the stage.

19-year-old male with toy gun arrested at W.A.C. Bennett Library

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News
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SFU's Bennett Library was the site of a police incident on Tuesday October 8. / Peak Archives

By: Gurpreet Kambo, News Editor

Suspicions of a potential gun threat brought Burnaby RCMP to campus on October 8, though the object in question was later found to be a squirt gun and not a functioning firearm. The incident resulted in the arrest of a 19-year-old man at the W.A.C. Bennett Library, though at this time charges have not been laid. 

According to the Burnaby RCMP’s report, police were called to campus just before 2 p.m. to respond to sightings of a male in possession of a gun in the 8800 block of University Drive. Additionally, the individual was allegedly wearing clothing with what appeared to be an RCMP crest. 

Further details in the report state the potential threat necessitated a large-scale police response that included “General Duty, Community Response Team, Bike Unit, Prolific Offender Suppression Team, Strike Force and Traffic Unit [providing] an integrated response along with RCMP Air Services, members from the Combined Forces Special Enforcement Unit and the Lower Mainland Integrated Police Dog Services.” 

The campus residence buildings, Barbara Rae and Shadbolt, were also evacuated around 2 p.m., according to reports to The Peak by students which reflect the RCMP’s statement. Later, according to student reports received by The Peak, the main floor of the library was evacuated. 

SFU issued a statement on Twitter at 4:06 p.m., two hours after the incident began, reading: “SFU is aware of Burnaby RCMP’s presence on campus. Everyone is safe and the situation is resolved. For information contact @BCRCMP.” 

The situation prompted numerous responses on Twitter. One student, Nadine Schick (@nadineschick), was in the class where the student was arrested. She tweeted a photo of the gun in question sitting on a desk.

 

During a phone interview with The Peak, Schick reported being in Room 3008 on the ground floor of the W.A.C. Bennett Library. She claimed that the student, who was sitting next to her, brought several items to class as a joke of sorts, including a guitar, the squirt gun, and “a bunch of random stuff.” When asked what the purpose of these items were, she stated: “I have no idea. I think he was just joking, I don’t think he thought anything of it, which [he] probably should’ve.” She added that he was pointing it at people in the class, but everyone in the class knew that it was a toy. “Another guy in the class was telling him that he should probably stop. I think he just wasn’t thinking at all.”

During a break in the class, she said that the student went outside the library, where she “saw him point it at a couple girls, and they kinda got spooked.”

A short time after the class regrouped, Schick said that a team of 5–10 police officers, with dogs, entered the classroom and surrounded the table where she and the student sat. 

Schick continued: “Basically they surrounded him, and they told him to put his hands up and get on the floor. They were yelling to everyone to get out. It took me a second to get out because they were surrounding me because I was right next to him. One of the cops told me that I could get up and leave, so I did.” Schick added that the main floor of the library was evacuated, and she saw helicopters and more police outside. She did not see anything after the evacuation from the library.

“I thought it would be good to let people know what happened,” Schick noted. “I know there were a lot of people who were scared there was an actual gun and there was a real shooter on campus.”

Some members of the SFU community expressed anger at the delay in notifying members of people on campus. 

@taylajae1 tweeted:

Another response to the incident by @serena_bains stated:

https://twitter.com/serena_bains/status/1181727134219296768

@longlivetheboss said:

https://twitter.com/longlivtheboss/status/1181709567601696772

SFU sent a message on behalf of its Chief Safety Officer Mark Lalonde to students at 8:49 p.m. confirming the event, linking students to the RCMP’s report, and emphasizing SFU Safety & Risk Services’ supportive role during police interventions on campuses. 

Lalonde wrote: “As a situation evolves details are not always clear. We try to share information as it is confirmed, and when and where it is appropriate and safe to do so. When a campus wide notification is needed I want to assure you that we have notification systems in place, but it is also important to note that it is not always safe to send out an alert as a situation is in progress. 

 We are relieved that the situation today was resolved peacefully, and we are thankful for the support of the Burnaby RCMP and our Campus Public Safety officers. As these types of incidents are not common, I acknowledge the fears it may have raised. For more information about campus safety and resources, please refer to our SFU Personal Safety Guides.” 

The Peak will continue covering this issue in further pieces. 

A reading list of dark magical spellbooks for SFU students

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Humour
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Written by Lubaba Mahmud, Staff Writer

As we ALL totally know for a fact, each SFU library has an entire restricted section of dark magical grimoires, full of evil spells you can use to make your time in SFU a little more spooky and a lot more convenient.

To enter W.A.C. Bennett Library’s restricted section, find the 13 table on the northwest side of the fourth floor. Then, circle your left hand counterclockwise five times while chanting, “Nous sommes prêts.” If the magical guard deems you worthy, you’ll have access to the restricted section. 

Below is a reading list to guide you on your dark conquest of an SFU degree.

 

Jinxes for the Jinxed GPA by Mary Topper 

Designed for students with a cursed GPA, Jinxes for the Jinxed GPA will help you transfer your misfortunes from your coursework to your professors. My personal favorite jinx? Personalita Oversharus, cast to make a prof “forget” about the midterm they’re supposed to administer that day.

“My GPA rose from -0.5 to 3.7, all thanks to this book!”

— Charles Bohr, fourth year engineering student

 

Navigation Wizardry by Anila Whiz

Finding your way through SFU is notoriously hard. In Navigation Wizardry, Anila Whiz truly captures the daily struggles of navigating our campuses through her powerful obstacle-clearing curses. Her recommended solution for cramped hallways and insane foot traffic? Bewitching the students to fly off in different directions! 

“Muahahahahaha!”

— You, parting the student sea

 

Spells for the Modern yet Faulty Teleportation: Transfiguring TransLink by Henry Trainy

If you’ve ever lost your chance at a seat on the bus or had the doors slammed in your face due to overcrowding, Transfiguring TransLink is the read for you. Yes, most of the spells are plagiarized from the Harry Potter children’s novels, but who are you to judge, Muggle? The book’s breakout charm is, of course, the Engorgement Charm, meant not only to increase the size of your stuffed bus but also to startle and frighten Susan, who’s sitting on the outside seat of a two-seat row while everyone around her is standing, with your immense magical power.

“WARNING: Just like TransLink’s buses, these spells aren’t always reliable.”

— “Foreword,” Spells for the Modern yet Faulty Teleportation: Transfiguring TransLink

 

Saucy Sorcery To Survive Tutorials by T. A. Sullivan

Saucy Sorcery may perhaps be one of the most inspired, needed books on this list. Mutus Idiotas will silence that annoying girl in tutorial who who has nothing important to add yet keeps rambling. Togobaccus To-yer Pointus will assist you if the TA calls on you on a day you haven’t done the readings. If all goes wrong and you find that you will not, in fact, survive your tutorial, cast Unlockus The Krakus to unlock doors or windows and escape! (Think twice about coming back the next week, though . . . magic can only do so much.)

“Oh, the things we endure, the depths of corruption to which we sink, to get that 15% participation grade . . .”

— Gretchen Gale, second year sociology student

Magical, Optical, Psychological Illusions for SFYOU by Madam Hipnus

Spells like Coloris Concretas make an illusion so that it would seem like the campus finally has some colour on the walls! Or you can cast a hex of self-delusion where the professor’s lecture actually makes sense for once (though let’s be honest — you can sell yourself that lie with or without mind magic . . .)

“The bonus invisibility spell on the back cover saved my life . . . It helped me disappear into the fog before Beedie kids could stop me to sell me their merch.”

— Misty Lee Dodger, third year kinesiology student

Jay Shetty’s On Purpose podcast offers self-help that’s relevant to students

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Arts
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On Purpose premiered in early 2019 and now has over sixty episodes. Image courtesy of Jay Shetty / Variety.

By: Prabhdeep Dhaliwal, SFU Student

Motivational speaker, storyteller, viral content creator, and former monk Jay Shetty’s podcast On Purpose is an excellent resource for anyone looking for guidance and self-improvement. Shetty began his online career with a YouTube channel featuring advice videos for real life situations, where he aims to share wisdom and help viewers as a sort of life coach. His podcast On Purpose is a continuation of this pursuit for self-help content. 

The podcast currently has more than sixty episodes, which range from roughly thirty to ninety minutes each. They feature guests such as Russell Brand, Gary Vee, Chelsea Handler, Dr. Daniel Amen, Chrissy Metz, Huda, and Mona Kattan, among other recognizable names. Topics discussed include relationships, toxic friendships, healthy eating, self development, career success, marriage, mental health, finding your purpose, and self image. 

The first episode of On Purpose that I heard was titled “7 Couples Activities Scientifically Proven to Bring You Closer.” I was stunned by the way Shetty thinks and communicates his ideas as he explained why each of the seven activities brings a couple closer. As someone who is very interested in psychology, I loved understanding why these activities would be so beneficial. 

Of particular interest to students is the episode “6 Simple Things You Can Do Every Morning to Boost Your Energy Before Work.” These tips can easily be applied to things we can do every morning to boost our energy before school. Shetty’s six tips are:

  • No screen time until breakfast
  • Do not start your day with emails
  • Set your priorities the night before
  • Question-meditation
  • Set your intention for the day
  • Try to start your day with kindness

He starts this episode by focusing on self control and energy. He states that these two resources are very important and that it is necessary for us to charge them and use them wisely so as not to deplete them. Shetty explains how depleting these two resources makes us tired and unproductive sooner throughout the day. 

I would also recommend the following episodes to SFU students looking for guidance on studying, mental health, and handling university life:

I would give On Purpose a five star rating for its simplicity, Shetty’s conversational and friendly tone, and the applicability of his tips and wisdom. The podcast touches on a plethora of topics, which students everywhere can find useful and helpful — they aren’t strictly related to school, but to situations in our everyday lives.

On Purpose is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Soundcloud, and other podcast-hosting applications.

What grinds our gears: This shifting labyrinth of room changes and construction detours

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Opinions
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I’d be better off if I picked a random direction and hoped for the best. Illustration: Danielle Regas/The Peak

By: Carter Hemion, Staff Writer

I’m SO lost in finding my classes. Why? Not only is SFU a maze of construction, but some of my classes just keep changing rooms. I expected to have some changes to my schedule because no semester can start off perfect. What I did not expect was room changes continuing on for a whole month. 

One of my classes has changed its Tuesday location almost every damn class. From Robert C. Brown to Blusson to West Mall Centre to Blusson again, I’m constantly confused about where I need to be. 

And my Thursday class has a different layout every week, so it’s practically a different room every time I walk into it. That’s if I can even find my it at all. I have to follow the signs put up by my wonderful professor, as it’s hidden by construction and in the most inconvenient place possible. 

It’s week four and I can’t figure out my schedule. I can’t find my rooms. I can’t figure out the best route to take because I just stumble across different paths as my classes keep changing. With the construction around the school I feel like Theseus lost in the labyrinth of SFU, and my classroom is the Minotaur — and I don’t even know if that’s an accurate simile because I’m getting lost trying to find my English class!

AQ Boyfriend: An SFU Dating Sim

By
Humour
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Written by Winona Young, Features Editpr

All you ever wanted from SFU was your degree. Maybe some dick, too, or perhaps a gondola. But by your final year, you never thought you’d find love in your Tuesday morning tutorial. 

Introducing AQ Boyfriend: An SFU Dating Sim! A heart-racing dating sim where you can romance six eligible men in your tutorial, each with their own unique personality and character art. Will you give your heart (and the seat next to you) to the Beedie student? To the well-muscled slacker? To the literal raccoon in the window? The path of romance never did run smoothly, so choose wisely. Make the right choice and end up with a project partner in class and in life! Choose incorrectly, and you’ll end up feeling heartbroken and impeached. 

 

The one student who won’t shut up

Jack Hamilton is cute — in kind of an annoying way. Maybe it’s his curly brunette hair, his wire-rimmed glasses, his deeply pasty skin, or his pushy intentions to get all of his participation marks for the semester in one class, but it all just makes you . . . deeply horny for the sweater-vested world literature major. He’s done all the readings and mansplained them to all your (female) classmates. Talking with him is so easy — talking is apparently very easy for him. He only talks about himself. And how much he knows about the course material. And himself again, but it’s only you he’s talking at. 

 

  • “Are you a sapiosexual? Heh, I just might be your type then.” 
  • “Very, very good listeners are one of my turn-ons.”
  • “Have you done the readings? I already did, but if you want, I can re-explain them to you with my Marxist interpretation at Renaissance Coffee later.”

 


That Beedie boy

Ever since Richard Yu strutted into class in his Supreme hoodie and stepped on your foot with his Yeezys, you’ve wanted to be his #hypebae. Your friends say he’s so, so vain, but with coiffed hair like his, who can blame him? He doesn’t talk much in class, but you’ll see him whip and dab which always makes you laugh. He doesn’t take life (or class) too seriously, but he still manages to hold down a 3.5 GPA. If you play your cards right with him, maybe he’ll just add you on LinkedIn. 

 

  • “Maybe we should make, like, a conglomeration and stage a merger.”
  • “You forgot your water bottle? Ha! Pathetic… you can have some water from mine. Be careful though, it’s a Beedie Hydroflask™️.” 
  • “You’re a communication major? I guess I’ll be bringing in the income for both of us.”

 

 

Mysterious exchange student

His major? He didn’t say. His name? You heard it once at roll call at the beginning of the semester. His story? God, you wish you knew it. The well-dressed foreigner caught your eye only after he strolled into your 8:30 a.m. tutorial in a full Balenciaga tracksuit. Sure, he hasn’t said anything this entire semester, but he’s the YA fiction romantic lead you always wanted — brooding, mysterious . . . or he really just doesn’t know what’s going on.

 

  •  “…” 
  •  “…” 
  •  “…” 

 

 

Your TA 

So you actually went to office hours, and ever since you displayed a 0.5% interest in the course material, your TA Siddhanth Nadar has displayed an interest in you! But he wants you to call him Sid, because he’s not like other TAs — he’s a cool TA. Who knew grad students could be this gorgeous? He always calls on you first in class discussions. Your heart races as you two awkwardly walk in silence from your tutorial to the fifth floor of the AQ for his office hours every class. You long for the day he’d stop making the class do icebreakers and break the ice with you instead.

  • “Let’s go around the room and say your name, your major, why you’re taking this course, and if you’re single. I mean! If you’re still on the waitlist!”
  • “You want me to go over the syllabus with you? Sigh, you really should attend lecture more.”
  • “I’m not really into being called Daddy in bed . . . but if you would call me Professor, that’d be hot.”

 

The slacker

Sergio Leon strolled into class with one gym bag, one pencil, and zero fucks. Because hey, Cs get degrees right? He doesn’t talk much, but will always listen to you when you speak up in class discussions — and possibly repeat it for participation marks. Whenever you’re running late, he’s always got a seat waiting just for you (provided he actually is in class that day). He may miss tutorial sometimes, but it’s clear he doesn’t miss a day at the gym. You’re smarter than him, and you both know it, but there’s something sweet about the big airhead. 

  • “I didn’t do the readings but damn, I’d do you.”
  • “Oh god, our TA already posted the grades on Canvas! Hold my hand, I can’t take this kind of news alone.”
  • “Wanna save me a seat in tutorial later today, nerd?”

 

A literal raccoon

He’s on the wild side, sure, but ever since you looked into his beady little eyes through the window of your classroom, you’ve been making googly eyes for this mammal. TrashBébé may be mischievous at times, but so sweet for waiting outside your classroom by the recycling bins each week. You’ve seen the looks he gives to you (or your lunch), and you’ve never felt something look at you with such longing. SFU security may try to keep you apart but you’re too in your feelings for this furry fellow. TrashBébé, you’ll always be my baby! 

  • “Screeeeeeeeeeeech!”
  • “. . .”
  • “Grrrr . . .”

 

(Locked character) The SFSS president 

He’s driven, ambitious, and wants to make sure you go to next year’s Fall Kickoff . . . with him! 

This character will be unavailable following March 2020. Will be updated the following April. 

Your weekly SFU horoscopes: October 7–October 13

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Humour
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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
ILLUSTRATION: Marissa Ouyang / The Peak

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor

Aries — March 21–April 19

The consequences of all your weird behaviour and cryptic glares these past weeks are finally closing in on you. Don’t you dare accept this. You’ve done no wrongs. Your moronic, uppity friends just can’t face facts and thank you for the well-deserved misfortunes you prayed would fall upon them and teach them humility.

Taurus — April 20–May 20

Stand your ground on dinner plans for this week. Whether they like it or not, your friends are all coming over, and they are all bringing affection and Avalon chocolate milk.

Gemini — May 21–June 20

Your body will be studying for two midterms this week, but your soul will be with the spirits at Oktoberfest. Every imagined sip of beer will give you a little more imaginary joy.

Cancer — June 21–July 22

Your gift as a medium is really flourishing this week, begging to be used as more and more death surrounds you. Contact the spirits of all the honeybees who have died for your cushy lifestyle, and learn something from them, you idle, ice-hearted swine.

Leo — July 23–August 22

All your friends are going home for Thanksgiving? Lame. Be the forward-thinker here. Spend the weekend getting sloshed in SFU’s secret totally-not-a-morgue. The Vancouver Police Museum commercialized fun activities in mortuaries first, so if anyone criticizes you, they’ll have to also criticize the greater structures of institutional oppression perpetuated through law enforcement. Basically, you’re doing God’s work.

Virgo — August 23–September 22

Dress in mourning clothes this week. After all, it’s another week of crying for the loss of SFU’s Triple O’s.

Libra — September 23–October 22

Your indecisiveness is quickly becoming an irritation. Just order the Salted Caramel Iced Capp AND the Chocolate Chip Iced Capp. You’re still spending less money now than what you spent on cover from that boring club you hit up for an hour last Saturday, so you can cut the frugal act. 

Scorpio — October 23–November 21

Damn, are you Snow White? Because those apples you’re about to buy in Dining Hall will taste like poison. When will you learn to have standards for yourself and not just for everyone around you?

Sagittarius — November 22–December 21

This is the perfect week to pay a local photographer on Instagram to take professional headshots  of you in the dreary cold atmosphere. Against the backdrop of sad fall weather, the symbolism will be obvious: if hired, you’ll successfully suck all the life out of your coworkers and radiate it out of yourself and your pushy mannerisms. And isn’t that what every workplace needs?

Capricorn — December 22–January 19

You and your partner are about make the raccoon with two backs in some weird Burnaby campus bathroom, as you do. So it’s time to have a frank discussion about the third member of your ménage à trois: Lord Simon Fraser of Lovat. Be completely honest as you talk with your partner about the new summoning ritual you’d like to experiment with to invite Fraser’s spirit to your bed. It’s the best use of your new scented black flame candles.

Aquarius — January 20–February 18

Register to vote. 

Pisces — February 19–March 20

You’ve been too nice lately, and everyone’s failed to notice that you swim circles around them when it comes to academic achievement and emotional intelligence. But why remind them when you could just drown in impostor syndrome and doubt yourself?

10 ways to spend $10 at Mini Mart

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EIC
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0

By: Talha Butt, Nicole Magas, Gabrielle McLaren, Marissa Ouyang, Marco Ovies, Brianna Quan, Andrea Renney, Paige Riding, Zach Siddiqui, Dylan Webb, Siloam Yeung

Photos by Chris Ho 

Dear Minimart, 

It’s us: The Peak. Maybe you don’t know us, but we know you. See, your fine establishment is only a brisk walk away from our home-away-from-home office. Back in summer 2018, when we thought you’d get evicted, a part of us nearly died. You have provided Peak staff over the years with emergency tampons, pads, Amazon green tea, party mix, cough drops, Pringles, copious amounts of ice cream, pens, and any other number of sweet and salty snacks to help us power through our production days. 

As a thank you, we figured we’d see just how much our staff can get out of Minimart for $10. Some of us will stay loyal to our values and use this $10 to acquire our most favourite snacks. Others will strategically cash this in to get as much food as possible and save Dining Dollars. Regardless: please find attached 10 pictures showing you 10 ways we spent $10 in your shop.

Sincerely,

The Peak’s staff 

 

Andrea: $9.84 

Brianna: $9.90 

Dylan: $9.61 

Marco: $9.77

Marissa: $9:10 

Nicole: $8.29

Paige: $9.99 

Siloam: $9.86 

Talha: $9.36 

Zach: $8.16

Mr. Iglesias tackles high school tropes with a comedic twist

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Arts
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Gabriel Iglesias stars in Mr. Iglesias, which premiered on Netflix in June. Image courtesy of Lara Solanki / Netflix.

By: Tiffany Chang, Peak Associate

You might know Gabriel “Fluffy” Iglesias from his comedy specials I’m Not Fat . . .  I’m Fluffy (2009) or Gabriel Iglesias: One Show Fits All (2019). Now, the renowned comedian stars in the comedy series Mr. Iglesias, which premiered on Netflix on June 21. He stars as Gabriel “Gabe” Iglesias, an inspirational history teacher to an eclectic group of secondary school students, who is also a fictitious adaptation of himself. After watching stellar stand-up performances from Iglesias, I was really excited when he announced this new project. Needless to say, I knew it would be a huge hit. 

The premise of the show is how Iglesias, his fellow teachers, the principal, the assistant principal, and the students navigate the public education system at Woodrow Wilson High, encountering hilarious (and all too familiar) mishaps along the way. However, similar to the themes of many Disney Channel programs, there are valuable lessons learned in each episode that I consider icing on the cake.  The episodes also incorporate several elements about the characters’ personal lives outside of the classroom — such as doomed crushes, complicated romantic relationships, and sobriety, to name a few.

The charming and talented cast from all different ethnic backgrounds expertly brings these purposely overexaggerated, stereotypical characters to life. We see some familiar faces too, including Sherri Shepherd (The View), Joel McHale (Blended), Christopher McDonald (Lemonade Mouth), and Coy Stewart (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D). This is the first time I’ve seen Stewart take on a comedic role, so getting to witness a different dimension to his acting prowess was a lovely surprise. The chemistry flowing among the actors is evident and it’s refreshing to see diversity celebrated in such a humorous, but also good-natured, way.  

Mr. Iglesias is definitely a feel-good show. There’s no doubt that every cast member contributes significantly to the show’s success, but Iglesias steals the spotlight time and time again with his natural charisma. His pleasantness and the captivating qualities that are so often associated with his comedy are what he effortlessly emanates on the show — his innate ability to make the people around him burst out laughing is always a treat.

This show is a valuable addition to Netflix’s catalogue of original programming, and if you’re looking for some uplifting content, I highly recommend you give this series a shot. It was no surprise to me that Mr. Iglesias was renewed for a second season, and I look forward to what next season has in store.

Student recipe box: It’s soup season, my dudes

By
EIC
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0
Matthias Müller / Unsplash

By: Gabrielle McLaren, Editor-in-Chief 

A fun fact about me is that I have a Pinboard called “SOUP SOUP SOUP SOUP.” I am not ashamed. In fact, now that sweater weather has rolled in, I am thriving. 

Here’s why soup is the superior food: minimal dishes because all you need is one big pot, yields huge quantities so you can cook once a week and proceed not to starve, and there are tons of ways to make this relatively cheap. Here to prove my point are five easy recipes that won’t break the bank, with ingredient costs calculated from Walmart Canada’s website. 

 

  1. Leek, sweet potato, and rosemary soup 
  • 2 leeks — $3.97 for 1 bunch
  • 4 sweet potatoes — Sweet pots usually sell by weight, but the website estimates $8.48 
  • Rosemary — $0.67 for a pack of fresh rosemary, but feel free to use powdered or dried if you’ve got it handy   
  • 1 L of stock — Pro-tip: instead of buying pre-made stock or broth, grab a pack of bouillon cubes to dissolve in water. One pack of Knorr’s has 8 cubes in it (you’ll need 2 cubes per cup of broth) and will cost $1.27

Recipe total: $14.39 

Yield: 6 servings 

Notes: This soup freezes really well! Suggested additions include garlic, onion powder, sage, and thyme. 

 

2. Tortellini Soup

  • 1 onion — $0.93
  • 4 garlic cloves (the recipe calls for 2, but you’ll want more) — $0.68 for a pack of 3 heads 
  • 1 L of stock — Use up those $1.27 bouillon cubes 
  • 1 package of refrigerated tortellini — Walmart sells two-packs for $5 and if that isn’t a game changer, I don’t know what is
  • 1 can of diced tomatoes — $0.97 
  • 3 cups of chopped spinach — Pack of baby spinach for $3.47 
  • From your pantry: olive oil and pepper 

Recipe total: $12.32 and you can enjoy your extra ravioli at a later date 

Yield: 6 servings 

Notes: If you have the extra cash or are really feeling yourself, you’ll absolutely want to get some parmesan to throw on top of this soup. Suggested additions include: italian spice mix (basil, oregano, rosemary, parsley, thume, chili flakes, and garlic powder) or fresh basil. You can also cheat by getting cans of diced tomatoes that are already seasoned up. 

 

3. Black bean and salsa soup 

  • 3 cans of black beans (save the liquid) — $2.64
  • 1 lb of salsa (I usually dump in a large can and call it a day) — $2.97 
  • ½ cup of cilantro — $0.97 for a bunch 
  • 1 head of garlic, minced (the recipe says 1 clove, but you and I know that’s wrong) — $0.68
  • From your pantry: 2 tsp of cumin — If you don’t have cumin in your pantry, a pouch of 97 g goes for $1.97 and it’s a sound investment! 

Recipe total: $9.23 

Yield: 4 servings 

Notes: The amazing thing about this recipe, other than how cheap it is and how easily it comes together, is how much wiggle room you have to adjust spice level depending on who you’re feeding. While the original recipe doesn’t call for that, I recommend blending up your soup.

 

4. Butternut squash and apple soup

  • 2 yellow onions — $1.86 
  • 2 butternut squashes — Squash is usually calculated by pound so prices may vary, but expect to spend under $10 here  
  • 4 medium apples — I usually get Gala apples, which would bring you to $1.08  
  • 3–4 cups of stock — Thank you, $1.27 bouillon cubes 
  • From your pantry: Olive oil, nutmeg, salt, black pepper, cayenne pepper (can be substituted for smoked paprika if you like) 

Recipe total: $11.25

Yield: 8 servings

Notes: Adding cinnamon to this soup intensifies its levels of autumn-ness by 99%. I also keep red curry paste around and I’m here to confirm that it also makes an incredible addition (add to taste). 

 

5. Egg drop soup 

  • 1 or 2 eggs per serving — $2.27 for a dozen of large eggs 
  • 2 cups of broth per serving — $1.97 bouillon cubes, saving the day
  • Green onions — $0.97 a bunch
  • From your pantry: Salt and pepper. You can also throw in onion powder, garlic powder, and literally anything else to liven up your broth. 

Recipe total: $4.51 

Yield: Recipe is per-serving 

Notes: Alright, so I don’t actually have a link for this recipe because I discovered it in first year and still refer to it as my “oh fuck I didn’t do groceries” soup. 

Start by making 2 cups of broth per person you’re trying to feed. Boil the broth and then, when your heart tells you to, crack the egg into your saucepan. Grab a fork and whisk the soup furiously — the egg will cook, but because you broke it up it’ll cook in long, noodle-like strands. 

Garnish and enjoy!   

Feel free to add any leftovers laying around your fridge — cooked veggies, chicken, potato chunks. . . 

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