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TSSU holds vote to unionize research assistants

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Peak Web
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This is a photo of the outside of the academic quadrangle building at the SFU Burnaby campus. The square building is concrete with many large windows.
PHOTO: Gudrun Wai-Gunnarsson / The Peak

By: Olivia Sherman, News Writer

One of the initiatives the Teaching Support Staff Union (TSSU) has been campaigning for is unionizing SFU’s research assistants (RA). The SFU administration claims RAs are not considered employees, and are therefore unable to unionize. TSSU has since engaged in a card signing campaign for RAs. Each signed card represents a declaration from an RA that they are willing to be a member of the union. Over 1,350 cards have been signed and submitted to the Labour Board, where the vote is still pending.

The Peak interviewed TSSU organizers, Catherine Dubé and Yameena Zaidi, who explained the significance of the card signing campaign. “The card signing campaign is a way to ensure that SFU recognizes all research assistants as workers,” Zaidi explained. She noted the SFU administration signed a voluntary recognition agreement in 2019 “where they agreed to recognize the union,” but this was violated when the administration retracted their recognition of RAs as workers. 

“They don’t agree that these people are employees, even though they agreed in 2019,” said Dubé. “SFU has no shame in violating any agreement, arbitration decision, or any orders given from arbitrators,” Dubé added. Besides not being considered employees, RAs have been at risk of losing their health benefits, healthcare for international students, and job protections. Dubé continued, saying, “It’s really disheartening to see that an employer would go to such lengths to refuse basic rights and basic wages for such a large group of workers on campus.” 

In order to gain automatic certification, cards must be signed by 55% of the RAs. Despite achieving the necessary percentage of RAs willing to be unionized, the administrators have “put a roadblock” in the path to unionizing. The Labour Board requires a hearing from both parties — TSSU and SFU — where “the employer can raise any objections to the application for membership,” Dubé explained. At the hearing on August 17, SFU objected. “We knew that would happen, obviously, we knew they’d object.” 

The results of the vote from the Labour Board have not been revealed yet. “It’s a huge win if we get it, it’s a devastating loss if we don’t,” Dubé said. 

The organizers said bargaining is far from over, and has become lengthier than is necessary. “As a TA this summer, I attended the open bargaining sessions between TSSU and the employer and I was surprised to see how little work the employer’s bargaining team puts in,” Zaidi said. “They spend hours fixing typos and refuse to talk about our bargaining priorities.” 

As well as spending time on housekeeping and typos, Dubé noted the administration has been unprepared to bargain. “They’ll show up having not even read our proposals, despite having them for months. They’ll debate petty little changes to our proposals.” Dubé said administration has come to the bargaining table “and the only amendment was a 0.1% increase. It’s insulting.” 

“They’d rather pay a lawyer to fight us in arbitration, which is a very costly process,” Dubé said. Zaidi and Dubé have also noticed the lawyers hired by the administration are unfamiliar with the ongoing arbitration, TSSU, or the university at all. 

“SFU pays hundreds of dollars to a spokesperson to fly in from Victoria and he plainly said at one of the bargaining sessions we had this summer that he doesn’t know SFU that well. The question is why is the university paying all this money to an external spokesperson,” meanwhile the SFU administration “refuses to come to the bargaining table and do what’s necessary?” asked Zaidi. 

Although a vote for union membership has not been reached, both organizers agree that TSSU has no plans of stopping the fight for equality. “SFU would rather fight a case they seemingly know that they’re going to lose [ . . . ]  but they’d rather keep it going and hope that we tire ourselves out, but we’re not going to tire ourselves out,” Dubé said.

This is a developing story that The Peak will continue to cover. To learn more about the ongoing strike, check out the official TSSU website at https://www.tssu.ca/

I Saw You: Chance encounters

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Peak Web
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Someone hiding in the avocado/egg using binoculars. (basically acting like a spy)
ILLUSTRATION: Andrea Choi / The Peak

By: Petra Chase, Arts & Culture Editor

Head ogre heels

You sit in the front row of my psychology course and I know the back of your mullet like a party I’d never forget. I sit quietly in the back and admire the way you’re able to relate every course concept to Shrek. I’d like to know more about why Donkey and Shrek modeled an anxious-avoidant attachment style, and don’t understand why the professor is always interrupting your insights. I’d like to unravel your layers like an onion, and be your noble stud.

— Donkey looking for his Shrek

Need for speed

I met you at a speed dating event, and the chemistry was immediate. As the five minute mark approached, I pulled my business card out from my wallet and handed it to you with a smooth “holla for a colla.” You beamed and said it was just what you needed. I later realized I’d accidentally given you my buy-one-get-one McDonalds McGriddle coupon card. If you’re reading this, please don’t use it. I’ll give you my address so you can mail it back to me — express shipping please.

— Hansel looking for his Griddle

Juicy encounter

You were wearing red lipstick and a tweed overcoat at Superstore. We were hitting watermelons to listen for the ripest one, drumming up a symphony in the produce aisle as “Me” by Taylor Swift ft. Brendon Urie played softly. You thumped the most hollow melon I have ever heard and our hands brushed together. I told you it must be a really juicy melon and you kindly said I could have it, and walked away. I devoured that melon when I got home, but all I could think about was how much sweeter it would have been to share with you.

— I’ll be waiting for you by the melons next week

Films that are perfect for this bright season

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Peak Web
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Collage of three film stills.
PHOTOS: Courtesy of American Empirical Pictures and Indian Paintbrush, Courtesy of Sony Pictures, and Courtesy of Lions Gate Films

By: Kiara Co, SFU Student

Asteroid City directed by Wes Anderson 

A charming film that balances both comedy and drama, Anderson does it again with his brilliantly distinct style. From its bright colour palette, camera techniques, and big ensemble cast, the film is broken down into three acts. It follows a writer and his world-famous stageplay set in a 1955 American desert town that feels uncertain and exudes loneliness. With this film in particular, Anderson was able to bring in elements from his past films such as Moonrise Kingdom, The Life Aquatic of Steve Zissou, and The French Dispatch, bringing in cheers and happiness. 

No Hard Feelings directed by Gene Stupnitsky

There’s been recent internet discourse about the lack of comedies in cinema. While true to an extent, No Hard Feelings recently came out, with Jennifer Lawrence is making a comedic comeback in mainstream cinema. Lawrence’s character, Maddie, decides to date a high school graduate (Andrew Barth Feldman) for the summer, in return for money to earn back her childhood home. An up-and-coming actor, Feldman had amazing chemistry with Lawrence. The movie was naturally hilarious, especially in the first act. It’s the perfect comedy for when you want to relax and have that “feel good” viewing experience. After watching the movie, I realized Lawrence needs to do more comedies, as she’s primarily known for drama. 

Joy Ride directed by Adele Lim

Known for writing Crazy Rich Asians, Joy Ride is Adele Lim’s directorial debut. The film is not only filled with scenes that’ll make you laugh out loud, but it celebrates great friendship and embracing yourself unapologetically. The film follows Audrey (Ashley Park), who goes to China for a business trip and visits her college roommate (Stephanie Hsu). Accompanying her is her best friend, Lolo (Chloe Pun), who encourages them to reconnect with their Asian roots together. Lolo also decides to bring her cousin, nicknamed “Deadeye” (Sabrina Wu), who leads them to a wild adventure. Shot in Vancouver, there are very noticeable settings for locals, as parts were filmed in the YVR airport!

Dear Peakie

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Peak Web
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Man picking hats on a store’s shelf.
PHOTO: nappy / Pexels

By: Jared Wilson, SFU Student, Kelly Chia, Editor-in-Chief

Dear Peakie,

I’m on a brave and arduous quest to find the outfit and accessory that will best convey to my classmates that I am not to be tussled with. I have the best discussion answers, and it’s about time everyone recognizes that from my aura alone. I’ve gotten into a few, how you say, kerfuffles as I’ve delivered a swift and just “well, actually,” and it’d be easier for everyone involved if they just know I’m always right. So what can I wear to say that?

Sincerely,
Sherlock Always-Right-Holmes

 

Dear Sherlock Always-Right-Holmes,

As I’m sure an esteemed individual such as yourself would know, fashion trends change overnight, and are as fleeting as the misspent summer days of youth. The garments of today which warn onlookers that you are not an individual to be trifled with in the lecture hall, may tomorrow give off an air of someone who calls the city to complain about their neighbour’s lawns. As such, the only way you can ensure  your peers perceive you as always being right about everything is to invest in a wide variety of hats. The kind of hat is irrelevant, but the key is that every single one MUST be too small for your head. There is no greater indication of human intelligence than the size of one’s brain, and when passersby see how tightly that hat is squeezing your forehead, they will inevitably conclude that you possess such a burgeoning intellect that renders even the most spacious of headwear massively uncomfortable, and that they are simply no match for you on the mental battlefield.

For all time,
Peakie

 

Dear Peakie,

I’ve just realized that I haven’t perfected my dad-sona yet. It’s summer: I’m meant to be out with my brethren, grilling hot dogs and making puns. I want to know how to best live out my dad life. But in this economy, I can’t even afford a grill (or a child, but dad energy is about belief.) How, oh, how can I be my own Dream Daddy?

Sincerely,
Dream(less) Daddy

 

Dear Dream(less) Daddy,

You need to understand that dads come in all shapes and sizes. For every Randy flipping burgers on the grill, there are three Kevins discussing last night’s game. You see, there’s much more to being a dad than being able to turn frozen beef pucks into the perfectly charred, juicy meat patties that we all know and love. In fact, looking for things to do on a budget is peak dad-core, so you’re already making great progress. Tomorrow morning you’re going to get up early, tuck your short sleeved plaid shirt into your cargo pants, slip on your sneakers, and go out on the town. See a construction site? Place your hands firmly on your hips and make sure everything is proceeding to your standards. If you pass by someone cleaning, be sure to let them know they missed a spot. Start a chat with a stranger about the weather, and express your dismay or relief depending on the day’s humidity. Your hairline will start to recede and you’ll harken back to your high school football glory days in no time.

Goodbye hungry, I’m dad,
Peakie

 

Dear Peakie, 

Please. I can’t stop saying “rizz” and “pogchamp” as though I’m some 14-year-old Fortnite player. I used to say it was ironic, but I think it’s seriously sunk into my vocabulary. It’s a serious condition! What am I going to do . . .

Sincerely,
So Unpog

 

Dear So Unpog,

The answer to your question is simple. You see, by adopting the lingo of a younger generation, you have allowed your vocabulary to evolve past that of your peers. While it may not seem like it, you are actually speaking a more advanced dialect of English than the rest of us. While you may regret leaving everyone else in the dust, linguistically speaking, the only solution to your problem is to continue this forward momentum. From this point on, you shall exclusively use ChatGPT to communicate. If you wish to initiate a conversation, ask ChatGPT what to say. If someone speaks to you, simply enter what they said into ChatGPT, and repeat ChatGPT’s response verbatim. Do this, and you will be entirely incomprehensible in no time. That won’t be an issue, though, because at that point everyone will probably be avoiding you. While this might not be the ideal result, it’s what you deserve for trying to play God.

Regrettably,
Peakie

WGOG: Concert prices are a joke

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Peak Web
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A pair of music concert tickets
ILLUSTRATION: Jill Baccay / The Peak

By: Isabella Urbani, Staff Writer

Who are concerts meant for anymore? They sure aren’t meant for full-time college students who work several jobs just to pay for tuition and rent. I’m not pocketing a cent towards savings. I can’t spend hundreds of dollars to sit in the nosebleeds, when for the first time in years, my favourite musician performs somewhere that isn’t Toronto. 

It’s way too much stress to even get a ticket: you sit like a duck waiting for Ticketmaster to distribute codes to even be let into the website to purchase the tickets, and there’s no guarantee you’ll make it off the waitlist. I don’t know much about the expenses of putting on a show, but Taylor Swift does not need her fans to shell out hundreds of dollars to keep the arena’s lights running — not even for a three-hour show. Worse, scalpers are able to upsell concert tickets over 200 times their original price, making it even more unreasonable to try and cop a show ticket. 

What’s the point of concerts if fans, most of whom are just making ends meet, can’t even afford to see their favourite musicians in person? How can you enjoy a second of the concert when all you can think about is how thin the grocery budget is going to be next month? 

Between waiting in line and the opening act, by the time the artist I’m actually here to see comes out, I probably have them for two hours tops. Can I just pay by the hour? Or better yet, by song? 

I’m not paying just to brag I got to see my favourite artist in person. Because I didn’t, I watched them from the arena’s screen all night. I’d have a better view and audio waiting for someone to upload the concert footage. 

If I’m paying strictly for experience, I’m going to need a better markdown on the tickets. We can work something out, can’t we, Taylor? 

World listening day explores nature and human activity

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Peak Web
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This is a photo taken on the World Listening Day Walk. People are walking down a Burnaby Mountain trail while wearing signs that read “Who wants to listen to the sound of gas” and “World Listening Day 2023.”
PHOTO: Milena Droumeva

By: Eden Chipperfield, News Writer

On July 18, World Listening Day was observed in memory of Canadian composer R. Murray Schafer, who helped found the Acoustic Ecology movement. This movement examines the relationship between humans and their environment. For example, marine species like whales and dolphins who use echolocation have to communicate louder to one another due to noise pollution caused by shipping boats in the ocean. Acoustic Ecology showcases how human activity impacts the physical environment in often unconsidered ways.

For 2023’s World Listening Day, professors of communication, Milena Droumeva and Julie Andreyev, organized a soundwalk through trails on Burnaby Mountain. The soundwalk was an opportunity to observe habitat loss, the noise pollution from deforestation, and disruption from the Trans Mountain pipeline to engage with understanding the ecological crisis. 

The Peak interviewed Droumeva to discuss the motives of the soundwalk and how Schafer’s studies on acoustic ecology tie into the event. 

“Listening and sounding/speaking are two parts of communicative exchange that can be in or out of balance,” said Droumeva. “In fact, listening is an evolutionary necessity.” According to Droumeva, non-humans’ ability to survive has been interfered with, due to human interruptions, leading some species toward preventable extinction. 

Professor Droumeva noted the reason for selecting Burnaby Mountain was because there is a route from the SFU Burnaby campus to the Trans Mountain pipeline site. Attendees of the event could note a decrease in natural environmental sounds, such as bird songs being replaced by mechanical humming of human-made machines, reflecting an invasion of the natural ecosystem. 

“Listening alone reveals the existence and politics of fossil fuel economies, inference management, and economic preservation,” said Droumeva. “Listening, we could hear the tensions between these ever-competing interests.” 

Not only was the soundscape of Burnaby Mountain’s natural environment a point to observe, but Droumeva pointed out how even the sight of nature has been tainted by human activity. She described how the ancient Douglas Fir and Red Cedar trees remind her that many hectares of forest were logged for the pipeline expansion in 2020. Even the hum from water pump stations may be faint to the human ear but are detrimental to wildlife. Droumeva suggested this may explain the absence of creatures around the area. 

The Peak asked how students can use their sense of listening to enact change in an increasingly noisy world: “Over the years communication students in CMNS 359 (The Culture and Politics of Sound) have explored many aspects of the campus and Burnaby Mountain.” The course includes discussions of “environmental policy, through sound maps of bird life, through exploration of noise issues in campus study areas, as well as links between excessive construction noise and effective learning.”

Serpents and gargoyles and bears, oh my!

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Peak Web
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People eating at a 50s-themed diner.
PHOTO: Lorenzo Nafissi / Unsplash

By: Saije Rusimovici, Staff Writer

I don’t know what’s harder to believe — the fact that the first episode of Riverdale aired in 2017 (grade 10 me is screaming) or that it continued for six more years. The plots have gotten wilder and more unbelievable than anyone ever thought possible. For all of the former or secretly-still-watching viewers of the infamous mystery/horror/comedy/drama, here is a compilation of the most epic highs and lows ever derived from the Netflix original. 

  1. 16-year-old Veronica Lodge running her own speakeasy 

In what world is this legal? I get the fact that her dad had tons of money (what his business was other than running trafficking illegal substances, I’ll never know), but there had to have been some sort of regulations. Mind you, a lot of things went unnoticed in the town of Riverdale. Did law enforcement simply not exist or did they just overlook every single crime until they decided Archie should go to prison? Not that 17-year-old me didn’t aspire to be like Veronica one day — who wouldn’t want a lavish, fully stocked bar to hang out with your friends after cheerleading practice? Sometimes we just have to girlboss, illegally. Did I mention one of the best-looking, underage football players would be running the bar? I mean, I guess it’s fine considering the actor is closer to 30 than he is 16 . . .

2. “Alternate universe” fanfiction 

Because apparently not enough was going down in the small town, a crack opened up in the multiverse. Most of these alternate universes set the scene for steamy moments between Betty and Jughead, including a photographer-model dynamic, a college meet-cute (at least the cast would look closer to their age), and the iconic friends to lovers trope. As long as they don’t decide to give the characters super powers, they don’t sound half bad. 

3. The one where the show decides to steal from Endgame

Oh, you know: this is a regular high school drama, with regular people deciding that they can look through a million different timelines à la Doctor Strange. At this point in the show, you’re used to Riverdale’s shenanigans, but are we ever really used to it? Maybe I’ll find out in a different universe . . .

  1. Jughead and Veronica fanfics

Okay, this subgenre may just be a little bit of a guilty pleasure of mine. Not only because I wanted to be Veronica Lodge, but because Jughead was so completely my type in high school. At 16, I may or may not have debated buying a replica of a Southside Serpent’s jacket. There’s something about the moody beanie boy getting together with a pearl-strung rich girl that reminds me of the plot of a John Hughes movie. Sometimes all we need is a little opposites attract romance.

  1. Archie getting mauled by a bear

Just plain unnecessary. I’m convinced this was just another excuse for Archie to be shirtless on screen (not that I’m complaining), because this little detail added absolutely nothing to the plot itself. Trying to give him a hero complex? I think the fact that he pleaded guilty to a crime he didn’t commit was enough to make him a good guy, don’t you think?

  1. The Gargoyle King

A part of me was actually terrified of watching this season because this costume was so freaking scary I could barely watch the show during the day, let alone at night. The other part of me wanted to laugh because this was such a ridiculous addition to the show, I began to question why I was still watching. When they finally unmasked him to reveal a Dave Franco lookalike, I was utterly astounded.

Bright Futures is a time capsule of Bill Reid’s legacy

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Peak Web
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A photo taken from the mezzanine of a portion of the interior of the Bill Reid Gallery below. There is a bright salmon-coloured canoe with rows hanging from the ceiling, illuminated by sunlight through the windows. A large board in the middle of the space that read “Bright Futures.” There are various artworks behind glass and people are walking around, looking.
PHOTO: Aria Amirmoini / The Peak

By: Petra Chase, Arts & Culture Editor

You probably know Bill Reid (1920–1998) for his grand jade sculpture at the YVR airport, an image which was also printed on Canadian 20-dollar bills in 2004: The Spirit of Haida Gwaii depicts a man surrounded by animals, rowing on a canoe, a prime example of the artist’s connection to the “beautiful beasts and heroes of Haida mythology.” Reid wrote in 1990 about this final major work, saying the man in the middle may represent “the spirit of Haida Gwaii, leading us, for we are all in the same boat.”

25 years after his death, the Bright Futures exhibit at the Bill Reid Gallery of Northwest Coast Art, on until January 2024, puts 14 budding Indigenous artists side-by-side with Reid’s work. Reid was an “acclaimed master goldsmith, sculptor, writer, mentor, and community activist.” Haida visual artist Gwaai Edenshaw remarked, “Almost every artist working today on the Northwest Coast can trace a line back to [him].” Bright Futures commemorates how he passed the torch to the next generation, and the ways in which new generations continue to push boundaries.

The gallery’s permanent collection is a panorama of Reid’s artistic life; the Bright Futures collection overlaps the space like contemporary annotations of the phases of his practice. From intricate metalwork miniatures to large totem poles, paintings, and wearable art, there’s an invigorating spectrum of art.

Coast Salish artist, Maynard Johnny Jr., masters traditional formline design, a distinctive two-dimensional technique. His print piece, Protector, depicts a killer whale saving a child using clean-cut principles, elegantly curved within a circular canvas. Johnny Jr. describes it as “a reminder of us as Indigenous people protecting our youth and culture so that future generations will prosper.”

Storytelling and mythology continues to influence artists of the Northwest Coast, and it was interesting to read about the stories behind the fantastical images. Haida artist Keith Kerrigan commemorated Reid’s spirit animal, the “trickster” raven, in a sterling silver casting. Reid famously retold the Haida creation story in his Raven and the First Men, a sculpture he made in various sizes and materials. Building on this, Kerrigan wrote, “I see the Raven as a catalyst for change, having seen the world as it was and knowing what it could be.” His miniature raven embodies Reid’s inquisitive spirit.

Wearable art was also a significant portion of the exhibit. Nuxalk artist Latham Mack’s Grizzly Bear Frontlet was made from traditional materials, like rabbit fur, cedar wood, and abalone. The figure exudes strength and resilience, topped with a fittingly regal crown of sea lion whiskers.

According to Gitxsan nation fashion designer Yolonda Skelton (Sugiit Lukxs), whose bold dress is on display, the term “wearable art,” is more than fashion, denoting the significance of becoming “an educator and storyteller to all who ask what you’re wearing.”

Artists like Cody Lecoy (Syilx and Lekwungen ancestry) follow Reid’s ability to pursue new ideas while inspired by tradition. Lecoy’s abstract dreamscape, Against the Current, is based on Reid’s The Spirit of Haida Gwaii.

According to the exhibit’s description, “The Haida expression ‘deeply carved’ refers to an object that is well-made but also speaks to one’s emotions.” Bright Futures carries on traditional knowledge and radiates what Reid calls the “joy of making.” With free admission for SFU students, and located a few blocks away from SFU Harbour Centre, the exhibit is well worth the visit.

Application approved to hire 15 Black faculty members at SFU

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Peak Web
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This is a photo of the SFU Burnaby Campus’s reflection pond and the academic quadrangle building surrounding it.
PHOTO: Allyson Klassen / The Peak

By: Olivia Sherman, News Writer

On July 18, the BC Human Rights Commissioner endorsed two special approval applications, which gave SFU the approval to hire 15 new Black faculty members. According to the university, this decision is a step toward supporting the Black community at SFU and upholding promises made in the Scarborough Charter of Anti-Black Racism, which SFU signed in 2021. 

The endorsement of these special approval applications is significant, as they are part of a greater effort to promote equity within the SFU community. These new faculty members are being chosen under “limited and preferential hiring,” with aims to remove the systemic barriers many Black academics face. Preferential hiring gives minority candidates preferential treatment in hiring. 

Black students and faculty alike face many unique difficulties that make being a minority in scholarly circles feel isolating. Microaggressions and ostracizing behaviours, the burden of educational discussions about race, lack of representation, and discrimination, can all make Black academics feel burnt-out and bullied. By providing support and dialogue opportunities for Black academics, these issues can be lessened. 

The decision to hire these 15 new Black faculty members at SFU aligns with the principles of The Scarborough Charter of Anti-Black Racism, which over 50 academic institutions across Canada have signed. The charter signing campaign is part of an effort to promote an “equitable and inclusive university community” for SFU’s Black members, including faculty, students, and staff. 

The student activism leading up to this motion is also significant. In 2021, former SFSS presidents Gabe Liosis and Osob Mohamed brought forward a motion at SFU’s senate meeting, advocating for Black students and staff, Black History Month, and the hiring initiative for 15 new Black faculty members. The motion was passed “unanimously.” The Students of Caribbean and African Ancestry (SOCA) have been avid supporters of this decision, and have been advocating for support systems for Black students and faculty since their official founding in 1997. 

Dr. June Francis has been a tireless advocate for these changes as well. Francis is an associate professor of marketing in the Beedie School of Business, and is also special advisor to the president on anti-racism. 

In a past statement to The Peak, Francis said, “By voting in favour of this motion, the Senate of SFU is finally responding to what decades of Black students, staff, and faculty have been calling for — a university where Black intellectual lives matter.”

A heartfelt letter from SFU’s one and only

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Peak Web
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Person looking at a portrait of McFogg.
ILLUSTRATION: Andrea Choi / The Peak

By: Kelly Chia, Editor-in-Chief

Dear SFU,

Why have you Mc-Forsaken me? I’ve been nothing but loyal to you . . . and in return, students no longer know who I am: my brawny arms and swaggy, athletic body, left to wade in the darkness of this concrete prison. No one will even sing me softly to rest, as I hide in a closet, waiting for my next opportunity to be featured by a Peak publication, if I do say so myself. Did you know that they wrote fanfiction about me, SFU? Did you know that I’m apparently the Editor-in-Chief? News to me! I’m writing a new cover piece, and it will expose our torrid relationship. I’ve given everything to you: I’ve hidden the ~quirkier~ parts of your institution with my face alone. I am SFU culture. So I ask you, SFU, who just abandons a school mascot without saying anything?! 

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you don’t know the difference between a star — me — and a dud. But at least have the class to give me a proper send off! Don’t I deserve to graduate, too? Maybe not —  no one can get into the classes they need without a virtual battle royale taking place. That’s just a rumour I heard, though. Here are the facts: when students approach the Trottier observatory, I should be the only constellation they see. When they hear a random bark in RCB hall, they should assume it’s me and my giant white paws stomping around. I mean, I served you for over two decades . . . yet, you’ve completely disengaged from me. How contradictory.

Well, let’s not dwell on our harder chapters, SFU. We play pretend so well together! Oh, I especially adore the game you’re playing right now, where we pretend student workers aren’t workers. It’s oh-so-fun to encourage some unity and community in this “commuter campus.” See? We both know how to draw crowds! That will show the other schools what we’re all about! 

Come on, don’t you think students miss a fun little guy? I can be the Mc-Ken to the students’ Barbie. Just give me one more chance.

With love, and awoos,

McFogg

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society