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Family pulls plug on man in food coma

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EIC
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Groups clash over the controversial decision to take over-fed man off feeding tube. 

By Gary Lim

VANCOUVER — The ICU at Vancouver general hospital was the site of substantial ethical debate late Thursday evening, after housewife Miriam Wilheim signed the final termination orders to take her husband, Walter, off of the breathing machines which had been hooked up to the food-comatose man. Walter has been in a persistent vegetative state (that vegetable being candied yams) since consuming his third slice of pumpkin pie Thanksgiving Monday.

Doctor Richard Hartman, one of the on-call physicians, describes the chilling circumstances the night Wilheim was brought in.

“We knew it was bad when we saw the paramedics unloading him. They’d already unbuttoned the top button of his pants. But we didn’t know the full extent of the damage until we had him in intensive care. He was already in the early stages of meat sweats and fading in and out of consciousness. When we got finally him into the MRI, we could see clear indicators of the onset turkey brain and immediately transferred him into emergency sweatpants.”

Since his admittance to VGH, the food comatose man has attracted a lot of attention from various groups around B.C. One of the most prominent, Right to Life, received media attention in 2009 for their protest against the removal of feeding tube of one Alice Peterson, a woman determined to be brain-fed after being examined by prominent neurologists.

In a strongly worded letter to the editor in Tuesday’s Vancouver Sun, Penelope Fink, vice president of Right to Life, posits the question: who among us should have the right to choose between life and death for our most enfeebled?

“Look it boils down this. If it were you, and you were temporarily incapacitated from having eaten too much ham, who would — nay, who could you trust with making sure the doctors did everything they possibly could before selling your organs off? That’s not a responsibility that your loved should have to bear and it’s certainly not something the government should be able to decide.”

Besides, there are dozens of cases of people emerging from extended periods of gastrointestinal unconscious, so who are we to choose when someone is really “gone?”  Brendan Mayfield, a 32-year-old plumber from Yorkton, Saskatchewan suffered a brief shank-based stroke in 1994, leaving him temporarily lambatose. But 10 years to the month, his nurses found him sitting up in his bed asking them how he got there. ”

According to the Society for Gastro-comatic Health, this affliction affects over 200 Canadians each year, whit cases typically spiking during the holiday months. The GHC reminds Canadians that they can reduce their likelihood of illness relating to meat consumption by having a protein spotter, and eating a salad once every goddamn while.

At press time, Walter Wilheim has lazily rolled over in his sleep.

Pizza Hands: Clogs

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EIC
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By Gary Lim and Eleanor Qu

Petter Watch: October 9, 2012

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EIC
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Petter surprised to find out that after decades of Thanksgivings, he’s a dark meat kind of man.

Ski Ninjas: Late

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EIC
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By Kyle Lees at Ski Ninjas

Campus Update: October 9, 2012

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EIC
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Professor convinced that not making students remember ‘exact dates’ sets his class apart

An unnamed SFU History professor apparently still believes he is unique in not making students remember the exact dates of historical events despite this being true of every single professor in any course at the school.

The professor has reminded his students during every lecture for the past 20 years that he’s fine with them just knowing a general time frame of events instead of “the exact date Saskatchewan entered Confederation,” a somewhat humorous example that he refers to every single time.

Although the memorization of useless trivia has not existed in any university for a very long time, the professor believes he was the first and remains the only prof to be cool enough to let that kind of stuff slide.

In his best recollection, he hasn’t asked for specific names or dates since April 23, 1985 but all you need to remember is that it was before Robert Bourassa was elected premier of Quebec for the second time, but after John Buchanan’s Progressive Conservatives won their third consecutive majority government in Nova Scotia . . . see, isn’t that so much easier?

 

—Brad McLeod

Word on the Street: October 9, 2012

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EIC
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Q: So what are you be thankful for, this fine turkey day of ours?

 

By Gary Lim

“The fact no one has asked to see my birth certificate yet.”

Miguel Romnez
Completely Relatable

 

 

I’m thankful for the clarity that comes near the end of your life. The serenity of oblivion and . . . hey is that grain? ‘Cause that looks like grain. I’m going to go peck it out.

Tur-Keisha
It’s a turkey

 

 

Butter flavoured insulin. Yes, I’m aware it’s something you inject,but that doesn’t mean “Butter don’t make it better! ®

Paula Deen
Ahab’s nemesis

 

 

“No, thank you”

Frank Hutchenson
Canadian

 

 

“I’m thankful I wasn’t born in that shithole Somalia”

Ombatu Tikibaki
Rwandan

 

 

 

 

Occupying our thoughts

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EIC
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Perspectives on the movement a year later

By Jennifer Bednard
Photos by Lindsay Brown

With the anniversary of Occupy recently behind us, there has been a lot of discussion about the movement and its place in a larger context, or of the possibility of the movement continuing in the future. What is still unclear to many is the reason for the movement in the first place, and just how so many problems wound up under the banner of a single movement. The myriad of stories all have a single common factor — economic policy.

The Occupy movement often cites the fact that in the United States, one per cent of the population holds an enormous portion of the country’s wealth. A possible salve for national debt that comes out of these sentiments is, unsurprisingly, “Robin Hood tax,” which would institute higher taxes on the wealthy to the net benefit of the poor. We can see something similar in action today in France, where Francois Hollande recently declared a tax of 75 per cent on income over one billion euro. This common narrative of rich versus poor runs throughout much of the Occupy’s media coverage, and has since the beginning.

Of course, there is no real push on a government level to implement such a tax. This is because both major parties in the United States are economically conservative by any reasonable standard. It is impossible to vote for a reform of the tax and welfare systems, because there is no party to propose that. That leaves protesting as the only viable option for bringing attention to any issue that falls on the economic left. In some ways, Occupy is a movement along the same lines as the Tea Party: both attempt to pull the ruling parties back from a near-consensus on economic issues to something that may represent a wider range of opinion.

This is not the sole reason for Occupy’s existence. The movement extends to countries whose political parties have a broad spectrum of economic approaches. Occupy is based on the idea that the current economic system has left ordinary people behind, a common problem in most countries around the world. However, the United States has seen the most intense and prolonged protests of the movement, which suggests that the issues are more entrenched there than elsewhere. In a political system that ensures that only the rich are able to run for office — furthermore, only the rich supported by business donations — the poor are simply not represented. And for those who cannot vote for change and don’t have the money to fund change, taking to the streets in protest is the only viable option.

Should you drop out of school?

By
EIC
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The current cost of education doesn’t match up with student expectations

By Esther Tung
Photos by Mark Burnham

There are a dwindling number of scenarios in which a university education is a sound investment. At SFU, a four-year degree will come to about 25,000 clams, more for the double majors, honours extras, and business students. But for many students in such programs, the degree will do little to help pay back your student loan.

White collar higher learning is useful if you wish to pursue a specific profession that requires a specific degree, as they usually entail grad school — law, medicine, and the hard sciences, for instance. But declaring a psychology major simply because you have to put yourself through four years of school is a complete waste of time and money.

University is a place for intellectual discussion, a centre of ideas for progress. At least, it used to be. Now it is widely regarded as a mandatory incubator for bushy-tailed high school graduates to prepare them for “the real world,” and a one-way ticket to the coveted middle and creative classes. But the structure of the collegiate curriculum has not evolved fast enough to match a changing world in which good ideas are worth more than good grades.

Communications classes do not prepare you for a career in public relations or advertising, it teaches you how to question the values of the big, bad media’s status quo. And if tutorial participation is anything to go by, the large majority of students seem completely disinterested in the subject. Most people have their thinking caps on, but seem to be under the impression that the caps will do the thinking for them.

The reality is that your honours in English literature is not a safety net. A double major will make your parents proud, but pride won’t rocket you to middle class-dom. If you are so passionate about moral philosophy that you are prepared to spend several years paying off the debt it’ll accrue, then none of this applies to you. I don’t doubt that knowledge and learning critical thinking has intrinsic value, but I caution against seeing your graduation diploma as anything that will elevate you from the 20 other candidates vying for the same internship at that social media marketing company.

For those who honestly can’t afford to be in university but have no idea what the hell you’re doing here, especially you first years, quit now while you’re still ahead and enrol in a trade school. Learn a specialized skill that few others have. With a pinch of luck, you’ll be in the $50,000 tax bracket in your first year of employment. Naturally, I don’t speak from experience, but my guess is that university will still be here in your later twenties, and you’ll have saved enough to put yourself through school, if that’s what you really want.

For those of you who will still insist on sticking around, just remember that grades are not everything. The number doesn’t matter because there will always be someone else who has done better than you. University is an investment in personal growth, not in a future with returns of a detached house, a BMW, and 2.5 kids.

Getting a feminist makeover

By
EIC
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New makeup ads use feminism as a marketing ploy

By Ljudmila Petrovic
Photos by Vaikunthe Banerjee

Advertising companies are often accused of objectifying and sexualizing women. One of the most famous attacks on this phenomenon has been Jean Kilbourne, the woman behind the documentary Killing Us Softly. That film deals with the effects of advertising on women’s self-image, and points the finger at these companies for portraying women as they do. The first version of the documentary came out in 1979; since then, not only has Kilbourne continued to make these documentaries, but others have joined her cause.

This kind of attitude is not surprising or new to anybody in 2012, but if advertising companies were to change their portrayal of women, would that really be for the better?
Flipping through any magazine, you will find ads on every other page. When it comes to magazines targeted at women, most of these ads are likely to be for various cosmetics. I usually skip the ads without looking at them, but on this particular magazine-flipping session, I realized something that I hadn’t before: these advertisements weren’t making women like sex objects at all. On the contrary, they were using empowerment and strong women as their platform: mascara ads telling women to be fearless and strong, and lipstick ads telling women to be the ones in control.

Now, this sounds great: women are being told to embody empowering qualities, rather than to be thin and submissive. But this really means that advertising companies are using the feminist movement to market their products. Since the rise of Sex and the City and Cosmopolitan, mainstream feminism has taken a different approach; upon which these companies can build platforms. No longer is the image of a feminist that of a hairy-legged man-hater; now it is Samantha Jones, who “has sex like a man” and always looks fabulous. This is the image of a woman that advertisements now use. The message may in itself be a good one, but the fact that feminism is now being used as cosmetic marketing is a worrisome trend that may affect the way the movement develops.

This message also remains somewhat subliminal: the very nature of advertising means we are constantly being bombarded by messages meant to sell us the product. However, in the case of these make up ads, it appears that we are told to be strong women. But the implicit message is that makeup is power, that it is beauty that makes you a strong woman, and not just natural beauty, but an image of beauty painted by these companies.

I’m not anti-cosmetics. I wear makeup, and so do most women that I know, if not all of them. But for decades, we have been told to be skinny, submissive, and sexy, and now we are told to be empowered feminists. The problem with this is not what we are being told, but rather by whom. The fact that this sort of sublimation is coming at us from all sides may change the face of feminism, and as a generation, we may begin to believe that makeup is not only an image of beauty, but also an image of feminism.

Fish and chips or frankenfish

By
EIC
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0


The latest edible to get bioengineered could be B.C.’s own salmon

By Kristina Charania
Photos by Steven Zolneczko

Hey, you. Yeah, you — the kid shivering at pictures of fist-sized strawberries, glow-in-the-dark cats, and spider goats.

You’ll be nonplussed to hear that your seafood products may be next on the biotechnology chopping block. In particular, the conflict between farmed and wild salmon is not only incredibly complex, but it may have an alarming and quickly-developing third participant: the frankenfish.

It’s a well-known fact that farmed salmon are notorious for retaining a potent stew of antibiotics, pesticides, and toxins that lead to complications when ingested by humans. Take Polychlorinated Biphenyls (PCBs) as an example — besides clear evidence of carcinogenicity, they are proven to reduce the immune system’s response to pneumonia and viral infections, promote irregular thyroid hormone levels, and contribute to the formation of brain defects that initiate short-term memory and several learning deficits. Many components of this chemical mishmash are also bioaccumulative, meaning they accumulate faster than our bodies can metabolize them, which has severe implications for pregnant women who can pass on these substances to a vulnerable fetus.

To avoid these health difficulties, nutrition experts usually refer fish-lovers to wild salmon. Thankfully, our ocean-side location makes buying fresh salmon simple for Vancouverites.

Unfortunately, wild salmon populations continue to decrease, which may potentially lead to price hikes. When biotech company AquaBounty produced their first set of genetically modified salmon — claiming to nearly halve the growth period of salmon through a tweaked gene that turns on growth hormones for longer — the worries of some consumers were put to rest.

But these fish are a fucking awful solution to any type of salmon issue.

For starters, AquaBounty fish are bulkier and nastier than their organic counterparts. If these pimped-out salmon escape into ecosystems housing wild-type or “regular” fish, they will naturally become schoolyard bullies and outcompete normal salmon for food and shelter. Wild salmon levels would then hit an ultimate low that would not safely allow fish to be caught (a further population decrease) and sold alongside farmed and genetically tweaked fish.

If modified fish become the primary species populating oceans and streams, their total annihilation by salmon necrosis or a similar infectious disease is likely — these mutated salmon are genetically identical and lack all of the same antibodies. At this point, no wild-type or GM salmon would exist to be caught for consumption at all, leaving restaurants and families with unhealthy farmed salmon.

There are other problems with the ambiguous genetic modifications in these creatures. If released to the public, it would be impossible for a regular person to identify every chromosomal mutation in the salmon and their subsequent effects on our bodies. While AquaBounty clarifies that they have mutated the gene that produces growth hormone, other modifications for size, eating habits, and bodily function could go unnoticed — the repercussions of such alterations in seafood meant for ingestion are unknown and may not be identified until the fish has nosed its way into our diets.

Fortunately, the FDA has not approved of any genetically modified organism (GMO) for sale yet — so, for the time being, consumers and health advocacy groups can lay their concerns to rest.

But if, one day, your salmon begins to look strangely like a Magikarp, you should probably throw it down the nearest garbage chute. You know what they say, after all: you are what you eat.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society