By Rachel Brauer and Adam Dewji
The dark days are over
Experiential learning was one student’s solution for depression
By Zahra Abdulla
Photos by Mark Burnham
I assumed university would be the best years of my life — new adventures, my first taste of independence and innumerable opportunities to discover my niche. These rewards were short-lived, as stress and chaos prevailed. Rigorous evaluations, information overload and pressure to achieve high grades left me believing that the all-work-and-no-play mentality was my only pathway to success.
Darkness and depression became my reality, and soon I lost connection with everyone. My schedule was maxed out. I couldn’t sleep and didn’t find pleasure in anything. For the first time, I started skipping classes to catch up on studying or sleeping, which I never managed to succeed at. All I wanted to do was be alone. Eventually, I could no longer function; depression was the result. Halfway through the semester, with the support of my family, I withdrew from my courses. I had become a victim to this path of the university success culture.
Universities can be perfectionism incubators, brainwashing students to follow a status quo: get good grades, the degree, find a well-paid job, buy a car and then the house. We begin to believe this path will lead to success in life. But what is the cost of pursuing such success when it comes with personal hardship for many university students? According to the 2007 National College Health Association, 39.4 per cent of SFU students feel so depressed that it’s difficult for them to function. Students should be thriving, not struggling to cope with depression.
As someone who has struggled with the standards of a success culture and visited counseling services, I feel many students could benefit from exploring hands-on learning experiences during their undergraduate degree. Most universities already provide dynamic learning outlets such as exchange programs, team sports, and campus clubs. In addition, universities could implement a variety of interactive for-credit courses for their students. Course topics may include “developing compassion” or “living in balance,” and could require students to volunteer in the community, interact with community leaders and engage in community projects. Students would benefit from a more collaborative and deep learning style, rather than traditional lectures and exams that foster memorization and a passive approach to learning.
Experiential learning could also bridge the gap between the backpack and briefcase, which is a common challenge for recent graduates. I found my meaningful learning and engagement through cooperative education work terms. To date, I have completed three work placements, with experiences that have helped me discover that my passion in life is project management. It was the time I spent away from the books that allowed me to see my education with a new perspective. No longer was my ultimate goal to finish my degree in four years and go to law school. I had time to explore the benefits of alternative learning options.
I will be graduating next summer, and am proud of the experiences I have accumulated over the years. I feel good about myself, and appreciate my hiatus from school. Like Randy Pauch said in his Last Lecture, “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.” I wanted university to be the best years of my life. Even though I encountered many setbacks along the journey, I eventually had the opportunity to immerse myself in countless rewarding experiences, but only when I branched out to experience things outside the pressures to succeed through conventional coursework. Depression may never be eliminated, but meaningful learning options can help students to recognize their full potential, and to enjoy their years in university.
Men’s soccer team wins GNAC title once again
Clan complete the three-peat, winning two conference games last week
By Bryan Scott
Photos by Adam Ovenell-Carter
The Simon Fraser men’s soccer team was in action last week trying to lock up their third straight Great Northwest Athletic Conference title, before the season ended on Sunday. They battled the Saint Martin’s Saints in Lacey, Washington, and then on to Seattle, Washington to play their rivals Seattle Pacific University.
SFU needed one win in their last three games and a Seattle Pacific loss to clinch the conference before the match against the Saints. The Clan came out firing on all cylinders to start the game. It took just under six minutes of play before midfielder Justin Wallace buried his eighth of the season, putting the Clan up 1–0.
The Saint Martin’s goalkeeper Eric Owen kept the game tight in the eighth minute, making saves off shots by Colin Jaques and Matt Besuschko. In the 11th minute, Ryan Dhillon put the Clan up by two, scoring in the top left corner from the top of the box. Five minutes later, Dhillon scored his second of the game and seventh of the season on a nifty passing play from captain Helge Neumann and forward Carlo Basso. Dhillon returned the favour in the 26th minute, assisting on Basso’s 12 goal of the season, putting the Clan up by four, just over halfway through the first half.
Alex Rowley added a penalty kick goal before the 40-minute mark. The Saints managed to stop the bleeding before the end of the first half, when a shot from the top of the box beat Clan goalkeeper JD Blakely.
The Saints were unable to mount any sort of dream comeback in the second half. Joel Malouf made sure of that when he scored a header off a throw in by Jaques. Colby Liston put in his fourth goal of the year, with a chip shot over Owen in the 67th minute that closed out the scoring in the game. The Clan walked away with a convincing 7–1 win. The Western Washington Vikings did them a favour by beating Seattle Pacific 3–1 in their match that same night, allowing the completion of the threepeat.
Senior athletic director Milton Richards was pleased with the result, saying, “I wish them well as they move forward into the national tournament and continue to make history for our school, in our conference and in the NCAA.”
Just because the Clan locked up top spot in the GNAC did not mean that the game against Seattle Pacific would be a breeze. In fact, these two teams battled to the very end of the game, and it took overtime play to decide the result.
This game was an exact opposite to the lopsided goal-fest that they had against the Saints. Both teams put on a defensive clinic. Seattle Pacific outshot SFU 9–4 in the first half, but did not register a shot on goal. This can be credited to the Clan defense that blocked six shots to keep the game knotted at zero.
The second half was much of the same. This time the Clan outshot the opponent but the goalkeeper Zach Johnson made three saves to force the game into overtime.
Three minutes into overtime, the Clan substituted John Hodnett for Carlo Basso. This would prove to be a fantastic decision. In the 97th minute, Dhillon passed the ball from the left side over to Hodnett, who made no mistake for his sixth of the season, giving the Clan the win and some bragging rights.
The Clan finished their season on Sunday against Western Washington at home. The last two wins helped the Clan retain their third place national ranking. Seattle Pacific dropped from 11th to 22nd in the recent coaches’ poll that came out on the Oct. 30. The NCAA champion tournament selections will be announced on Nov. 5.
Women’s soccer end season with two loses
The Clan end a forgettable season with a 1–16 record
By Bryan Scott
The Simon Fraser women’s soccer team was in action for the final two times of the season last week. They played the Seattle Pacific Falcons at home on Terry Fox Field then travelled to Ellensburg, Washington to take on the Central Washington Cougars. The women were looking to close out their season on a high note, since this has been one to forget.
The Falcons came out shooting to start the final home game for the Clan. They had three solid chances in the first 11 minutes of the game, but goalkeeper Amanda Gilliand was there to make the saves. She has been one of the bright spots for the Clan all year. Unfortunately, she couldn’t keep them all out, as the Falcons scored on their fourth shot in the 12th minute to take the 1–0 lead. They doubled their lead in the 23rd minute, when Riley Dopps put the ball in the back of the net, off a pass from across the box. Before the end of the half, the Falcons put the Clan in a hole they could not climb out off. They scored in the 40th minute, and then again in the 41st, making it 4–0 at halftime.
The Clan did manage to register a shot on net in the second half, but could not beat goalkeeper Natalie Harold, who was credited with the shutout. Gilliand made nine saves, as the Clan were outshot 17–6 in the game. The game could have gotten uglier if she hadn’t been between the pipes.
Despite losing their last home game of the year, the women had one more chance to win, but it was on the road. It was not to be, as it took only five minutes for the Cougars to score. They added another in the 25th minute, making it 2–0 at half. Gilliand made six saves in that half, which gave the Clan a glimmer of hope going into the second half.
The Clan picked up their play in the second half, but as it has been all season they could not find the back of the net. They had eight shots, on net forcing Cougars goalkeeper four saves. On the other side of the ball, the Cougars buried three goals in the 50th, 55th, and 74th, to finish off the Clan’s season on a disappointing note sending them home with a 5–0 loss.
The Clan finished the year 1–16 overall, and a dismal 0–14 in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference. They also ended the season on an 11-game goal drought. Despite these poor results, Gilliand was an honourable mention for the GNAC All-Star team. She backstopped the Clan in all 17 games this season and led the GNAC with 5.41 saves per game, facing 92 shots. Head coach Shelley Howieson expressed hopes that she will continue her solid play in her sophomore year, saying “I hope Amanda can use this as motivation going into the off season to keep improving her game.”
Two other members of the team, Marissa Di Lorenzo and Ali Trenter were named to the GNAC All-Academic team. Both women had to achieve a grade point average over 3.20 to even be considered to the team. This is the second straight year that Di Lorenzo has earned this honour.
Clan score eight touchdowns to win on the road
Clan defeat Red Storm to earn first ever road win in GNAC.
By Bryan Scott
Photos by Mark Burnham
The Simon Fraser University football team was on the road last week in Saint George, Utah to battle the Dixie State College Red Storm. It was an old-fashioned shootout, with the Clan earning their first conference road win since joining the Great Northwest Athletic Conference.
Dixie State opened the scoring on the first drive of the game. They started at their own 27 and took advantage of the Clan’s run defense, by running six times in eight plays, finishing with touchdown. The Clan responded on the next drive. Quarterback Trey Wheeler spread out the passing, and used running back Bo Palmer to take the Clan 69 yards. Palmer ran in the tying touchdown from two yards out. The first quarter ended 7–7 but the Red Storm were pressing, and sat at the SFU 21-yard line to start the second quarter.
It took two plays into the quarter for the Red Storm to cap off their 13-play, 78-yard drive with a touchdown, but the Clan blocked the extra point, then responded once again. It was receiver Lamar Durant’s time to play. He caught a 40-yard toss from Wheeler for a first down, and then finished off the drive with a touchdown. The Clan hit their conversion and took the lead, 14–13. After some stingy defensive play by the Clan, who forced the Red Storm into a three-and-out, Wheeler hooked up with Jamal Kett to put the Clan up 21–13. The Red Storm marched down the field on the ensuing drive, scoring less than three minutes later to keep the game close at 21–19.
Did I mention it was Durant’s turn to play? In superman-like fashion, Durant caught a 73-yard pass from Wheeler on third down for a touchdown. On the next Clan possession, he finished off a seven-play drive with a 22-yard catch for his third touchdown of the day. The Red Storm added a touchdown and two-point conversion before the end of the half, which finished 35–27.
Believe it or not, there were exactly zero points scored by either team in the third quarter. Both defenses played well, causing turnovers and sacking the quarterbacks on several occasions. In the final minute of the quarter, the Red Storm were in Clan territory looking to tie the game. The Clan defense forced Red Storm running back AJ Johnson to fumble the ball at the SFU 31-yard line. They were unable to recover the ball, and the Red Storm retained possession at the 28. They made it down to the four-yard line before the end of the quarter.
The Red Storm scored eight seconds into the fourth quarter, to tie the game at 35, and setting up an exciting finish. Neither team could take advantage of their next possessions. The Clan started with good field position as a result, starting at the Dixie State 49-yard line. Wheeler completed passes to Palmer, then Kyle Kawamoto, finishing the drive with a 37-yard pass to Kett for his second touchdown of the game and gave the clan the six-point lead; the extra-point was no good. The Clan forced another fumble on the first play of the next drive, and this time they took advantage. After taking over on the Dixie State 46, Wheeler hooked up with Durant for his fourth touchdown. Then, Durant caught the ball to give the Clan a two-point conversion and a 49–35 lead.
After a 62-yard boot by Docherty down to the Dixie State 3-yard line, Red Storm returner Cache Morgan ran past everyone, 97 yards for the touchdown, but the kick was blocked. Palmer added his second touchdown of the day, after a 12-play, 78-yard drive putting the game out of reach 56–41. Dixie State added another touchdown, but the Clan ended up getting a defensive conversion after the extra point kick was blocked. The game finished 58–47.
Wheeler was 36 for 54 attempts, for 482 yards, and reached a single-game GNAC record with six touchdown passes. Durant had 228 yards on 12 catches and four touchdowns. His performance earned him Red Lion Offensive Player of the Week honours. Palmer had two touchdowns, and 99 yards on 26 carries.
Head coach Dave Johnson was pleased with the win, “I’m proud of our kids, they played a full four quarters in a tough environment.” The Clan is now 4–5 on the year, and played their final home game of the season on Saturday. This game will be covered in the next edition of the Peak.
Sports spotlight: Laura Gordon and Laura Wilson
The Peak got the opportunity to sit down with two members of women’s wrestling team
By Clay Gray
Photos by Mark Burnham
Meet Laura and Laura. These two are members of the Simon Fraser varsity wrestling team but first names and wrestling aren’t the only things they have in common. They are both from British Columbia, started wrestling in eighth grade, and are in their final year at SFU. They were rivals growing up, and now work together to help the Clan compete towards a common goal of winning a national championship. Individually, they want to finish in the top three at nationals.
Although they are now good friends, throughout high school they competed against each other. They were often forced to share the podium. Any athlete can tell you that doesn’t make it easy to get along with someone. However, in grade 12, a chance to travel with SFU gave them something else to share; an affinity for the city by the bay, San Francisco. Gordon told the Peak, “We actually hated each other, until the trip. San Fran gave us a chance to bond and have fun.” Since then, they have travelled with each other and the rest of the wrestling team all over North America.
Wrestlers are typically unusual people, as it takes a unique person to voluntarily step into public wearing a singlet, and these two are no exception. When asked how they felt about their wrestling apparel, Wilson replied, “I love spandex,” and Gordon said, “I was a swimmer until I started wrestling, so I’ve always been wearing nothing in my competitions.” While many people know about the hilarious outfits worn by wrestlers, most people aren’t aware that in the days leading up to competition wrestlers do something that is known as “cutting weight.” Though cutting weight happens in several sports, wrestlers are known to have some of the steepestweight losses, with some wrestlers dropping close to 10 kilograms just to step on a scale for less than 10 seconds. Although they don’t cut that much, they have to tighten their belts after shedding a few kilos to make 55 kg (Wilson) and 59 kg (Gordon).
Even though many similarities exist, they differ just as much as any other two people. Gordon is a lower mainland local majoring in criminology, with a minor in psychology. Wilson is a health science major who hails from Tofino. Gordon gets her study on in the library, while Wilson does it in the kitchen. Gordon works in retail and Wilson is a surf instructor.
Although, men had dominated the sport for centuries, women’s wrestling has become popular in the last few decades. SFU has had a team since the 1991–92 season, but did not become varsity until 2006. They won the national championships in their first year as a true varsity team. Gordon and Wilson are looking to follow in the steps of SFU alumni like Olympic gold medalist, Carol Hyunn. Sadly, the powerhouse women’s wrestling team won’t get a chance to compete for an NCAA championship this year as there isn’t women’s wrestling in the NCAA. However, that doesn’t allow women’s wrestling any slack in regards to the new NCAA Bylaws. Gordon and Wilson both say, “Kelly Weber [Athletic Compliance Director] makes sure we follow the rules.” That’s important, since they want to be eligible for the Women College Wrestling Association championship on Jan. 25–26 in Bristol, Tennessee.
SFU should not hoist NATO flag
Remembrance Day about honouring the brave, not the bullies
By Cedric Chen
Photos by Mark Burnham
Many organisations and institutions hoist military-related flags for different reasons. But last year, when SFU hoisted the NATO flag at Cornerstone, I was so damn offended that I took a picture with my middle finger pointing to this flag of utmost shame.
For those who ask me “Do you have a grudge against NATO?” the answer is always, “Fuck yes.” This is not merely a personal grudge, but a wound of nationhood, on which salt has been poured by SFU’s decision to hoist the NATO flag. On May 8, 1999, during NATO’s military intervention in Yugoslavia, five JDAM bombs were launched from a NATO B-2 and hit the Chinese Embassy in Yugoslavia, killing three innocent Chinese journalists, injuring a few dozen other innocent people, and severely damaging the embassy itself. SFU’s decision to openly hoist the NATO flag on SFU’s main campus does nothing but pour new salt into an old wound of the Chinese community.
Aside from my nation’s grudge, while NATO has claimed that it exists merely for “collective defence” throughout its history, it has long been a vector through which the USA intervenes in other member-countries’ internal affairs, including an attempt to prevent France from successfully possessing atomic bombs and preventing the European Union from developing its own satellite navigation system — the Galileo System. Considering the U.S. has atomic bombs and their GPS system, which is available world wide for civilian purposes, was the only system the EU had access to until recently, the level of micromanagement NATO allows the U.S. is hypocritical. NATO has not been all that different from its cold war counterpart — the Warsaw Pact. The only difference is that while the U.S. armed forces are constantly in Europe, the USSR only sent troops into Europe when there was an anti-communist riot.
Hoisting flags for any sort of military organisation for Remembrance Day at SFU is very inappropriate. Remembrance Day is supposed to be a day to remember the soldiers who fought and died while protecting our country, not those who died to invade another country with questionable motives. Since the military intervention of Bosnia and Herzegovina, the majority of NATO’s military actions have sent member-countries’ armed forces into other nations and spilled blood on lands that don’t belong to them. This ideology is completely contradictory to what SFU proposes with “Engaging the world.” If we want to truly engage the world’s people, are we to do it with bullets and blood? Of course not. SFU promotes inclusion and multiculturalism, while NATO promotes violence as a means of resolving conflict. Hoisting this flag is an affront to the sentiments behind Remembrance Day and SFU’s motto.
For this year’s Remembrance Day, I sincerely wish that SFU would appreciate the value of peace and the true meaning of Remembrance and stop raising the flag of a militarist organisation like NATO. Engaging the world means making peace, not starting wars. On the other hand, if SFU insists on hoisting this blue flag of shamelessness, I will, without hesitation, point my middle finger towards it again and again until it’s removed.
Struggling to eat on welfare
By Haida Arsenault Antolick and Peter Driftmier
B.C. government policy leaves poor people no option but to eat poorly. With a social assistance rate that allows for a maximum weekly food budget of $26 for a single able-bodied adult, the only way to eat three times a day is to be malnourished and still remain hungry.
That’s what we found after accepting the Welfare Food Challenge that Raise The Rates issued to policy makers and the people of B.C. Raise The Rates is a B.C. coalition of over 25 community organizations including groups as diverse as the Kettle Friendship Society and our very own TSSU. In 2011, the coalition challenged B.C. MLAs to live for a month on the social assistance rate of $610. This year, Raise the Rates invited all British Columbians to attempt to eat for a week on $26 without depending on free food.
We were able to eat three times each day, but ultimately went over the $26 before the week was done. We ate quite a bit of processed white starches, very few vegetables, and very little protein. The highlight of the week’s food intake was probably the two days we split an apple for dessert.
Good health and choices are the first things that people on social assistance lose. Before we started the challenge, we made a meticulous grocery list and meal plan. We went on four shopping trips that week, each time trying to find the very best deal on past-their-prime veggies, instant noodles, and lentils. Since we both have bus passes, we were able to shop around to find the cheapest food. People on social assistance have no such luxury: the Raise the Rates mock budget allows for a maximum of 10 bus tickets, which would likely need to be saved for visits to the Ministry Office, and looking for work.
We both experienced headaches and hungry bellies each day, and came home from long days anxious to make our unappealing dinner to quell these pangs. We avoided physical activity for the week, but still felt drained and, at times, faint. We both felt cranky and impatient — side effects that had detrimental effects on our work and personal relationships. We experienced these health side effects after only one week on this diet, both having started in reasonably good health. Surviving on welfare for a matter of months or even years would certainly have a cumulative negative impact on one’s health.
In addition to losing control over their health and how they feed their families, people on social assistance lose their privacy and the public’s trust. The surveillance apparatus set up to closely monitor poor people’s personal and financial lives is beyond invasive. Folks on social assistance are systematically scrutinized by welfare workers, despite the fact that “welfare fraud” is less common than income tax fraud across all income brackets. Those on welfare are subjected to this routine scrutiny in addition to the various forms of marginalization that lead people to require social assistance in the first place. Oppressive structural forces such as colonialism, racism, patriarchy, heterosexism, and able-ism can all contribute to people being forced to turn to social assistance in order to subsist. Many people experience physical and mental health challenges that aren’t recognized by the state, making them ineligible for additional disability benefits.
The B.C. Government recently announced changes to welfare policy, which take effect this month. There are a few positive changes such as reintroducing the right to keep a limited amount of income from outside sources. Previously, the entirety of income from repaid debts, child support or part-time work could be clawed back, keeping people in a cycle of poverty. Yet, there is a new penalizing change: an increase from three to five weeks in the wait time between when applicants file for assistance, and when they can begin receiving it. Applying for welfare is a last resort; expanding the wait time is arbitrary, illogical, and punitive.
While welfare at some point arguably functioned as a social safety net, it now punishes people into criminalized work, such as informal vending, drug dealing, and sex work. Additionally, by allocating a laughable $375 of the total $610 for rent (has the ministry checked the Vancouver Craigslist apartment listings in the last 10 years?) the “welfare” system forces people into accepting unhealthy, and often unsafe, housing.
People on social assistance have been saying the rates are too low for decades. If rates had simply kept pace with inflation, social assistance recipients would have 50 per cent more money in their pockets to cover grocery bills and rent. After all, food banks first opened in this province around the same time that the government started cutting and freezing welfare rates, several decades ago. Now food banks are ingrained in our socio-economic system, along with other private food charities.
Calls for increased rates from people on welfare have long been ignored. Yet, the public seems willing to hear comfortable working class and middle class people confirm what poor folks have been saying all along, despite the fact that the Welfare Food Challenge is simulated, and experiencing it doesn’t approach the reality of what living on social assistance in B.C. is like. We need to reverse our society’s distrust of the testimonies, experiences, and policy-recommendations of low-income people.
Next time you’re considering making a donation to the food bank or volunteering at a charity meal, we suggest you also take a political stand on ending poverty: write or call your MLA and the provincial party leaders and ask that they raise welfare, disability, and minimum wage rates. Remind our government that we purport to be a society that cares for its members with a public social safety net instead of allowing this responsibility to fall to happenstance charity.
For more information on the Raise The Rates coalition, you can visit raisetherates.org.
Playing for both teams
By Darren Sharp
Photos by Mark Britch
The struggle of queer male athletes
OTTAWA (CUP) — As I wait for my interview to begin, I consider how awkward this conversation will probably be. I don’t know much about John*: I know that he played football for a Canadian university team, I know that he’s bisexual, and I know that he’s told just a select few about his attraction to other men. Only through a couple of twists of fate did I find out about him and convince him to agree to an interview. In my experience, closeted individuals are very guarded and evasive when it comes to discussing their sexuality, so I expect the next half hour to be like pulling teeth.
Around 1:30 p.m., John strolls into the building. At first glance, he’s your typical jock: a brick house of a man, gym bag hanging off one shoulder. There are people littered around, but no one knows what he’s here to discuss. I usher him into my office and shut the door for maximum privacy. As we sit down, I notice that the timid, sheepish guy I expected to talk to is nowhere to be found. Instead, John has a million dollar smile plastered on his face and an eagerness to get the interview started.
“I’m very comfortable with my personality and my sexuality,” he would tell me later. “No subject is taboo to me.”
The final frontier
Most gay men can pinpoint the exact moment when they realized that they were attracted to other men. Even though his bisexuality was a recent revelation, John’s memory is a bit foggy.
“I don’t even know how it started,” he says. “One day I kind of wanted to try sex with the same sex.”
John’s laid-back attitude toward his sexuality baffles me, especially given his position as an athlete. I expected to hear tortured stories about not being able to sleep at night because he was so consumed by fear and shame; instead, my interviewee acts as though it’s the least important thing on his mind.
“I’m new at this too, but slowly I’m telling more people,” he says. “I think that at some point I’ll have to tell everybody. It’s not like a, ‘Hey, I’m bi!’ It’s more like, ‘Yeah, I’m bi. Sure, let’s talk about it.’ ”
His comfort level raises the question: if it’s such a non-issue, why isn’t he completely out of the closet? He has very legitimate personal reasons but very few of them have to do with being a football player.
Unfortunately, not all athletes are able to feel as comfortable as John does. Until just over a month ago, Jamie Kuntz was a bruising linebacker at the North Dakota State College of Science. Over Labor Day weekend, Kuntz was caught kissing his boyfriend in the press box at one of his team’s games. He was swiftly removed from the squad after the incident. School officials maintain that Kuntz’s dismissal had nothing to do with his sexuality; he was supposed to be filming the game, which he failed to do, and afterward he lied about the events that occurred. Kuntz, however, is convinced they’re not telling the whole truth.
“In my opinion, I think my sexuality had 100 per cent to do with the school’s decision,” he said.
Unlike John, Kuntz’s story is what you might expect to hear from a once-closeted gay athlete. He can recount times where he was made to feel very uncomfortable on the field.
“My decision [to not come out earlier] was made because of actions by the coaches and players,” he said. “I would hear gay jokes everywhere I turned. One of the players that I got along best with told me, ‘My uncle is gay and I don’t like him for it.’ One of the coaches would take time out of practice to make fun of a player for how he stood with his hands on his hips, and talk in a girly voice mimicking his name.”
With North American society sprinting toward equality for the LGBT community, sports culture has moved at more of a crawl. Locker rooms are one of the last places where homophobia occurs largely unchallenged. This is nothing new: sport is almost always one of the final dams to break when equality is rushing through the rest of society. One needs only to look at how long it took for sports to move past the race barrier to see that it’s often the final frontier for social change.
Eric Anderson is a professor from the University of Winchester in the U.K. where he’s done extensive research on homosexuality in university sport. He believes that sport adjusts so slowly because all of the power is concentrated in one place.
“Sport is what I call a ‘near-total institution.’ A total institution, like a prison or the military, is one that controls every move one makes, all day long,” he said. “Sport is similar. In order to excel up the rapidly decreasing opportunity structure, you must not only be a good athlete, but your mentality must conform to the orders of the lead: the coach. Thus, the nature of competitive team sports is that one learns not to be a team player, but to be complicit to the authority of an individual who is normally given far too much power.”
The problem is that homosexuality doesn’t fit into the small box that the sport institution tries to slot each athlete into. The pressure to conform to what an athlete is supposed to be — strong, fearless, masculine — remains very present.
The masculine ideal
When I ask John about athletes he looks up to, he lights up like a Christmas tree.
“My role model was Jack Lambert,” he says, smile at full wattage. “Jack Lambert was probably the meanest motherfucker out there. He had four teeth in his mouth, a big moustache, a snarl the whole day on his face. This guy was just mean! He would hit everybody. He was the tough guy.”
Like many athletes, John clearly values certain traits that are emphasized by sport culture: Power, toughness, and raw masculinity.
“I have to be fast, I have to be strong,” he says. “It makes your job a lot easier if the guy is scared shitless of you. For most people, there is a big pressure to be that alpha male. Everybody wants to be number one. And number one is the strongest guy; number one is the toughest guy.”
In 2011, Anderson published a study called Updating the Outcome: Gay Athletes, Straight Teams, and Coming Out in Educationally Based Sport Teams, in which he interviewed gay university and high school athletes about their experiences with sport and sexuality.
“Sports associate boys and men with masculine dominance by constructing their identities and sculpting their bodies to align with hegemonic perspectives of masculinist embodiment and expression,” he wrote in the article. “Boys in competitive team sports are therefore constructed to exhibit, value, and reproduce traditional notions of masculinity.”
Bryan Fautley, a former volleyball player at Queen’s University who struggled with reconciling his homosexuality with his sport, knows the pressure to fit into the stereotypical “manly” mold all too well.
“I definitely agree that sport is a hyper-masculine institution,” he said. “It’s been labeled that you require a certain level of masculinity to be able to be an athlete, and then as an athlete you’re awarded the social perception of masculinity, as well. So it kind of feeds into its own system.”
Fautley knew he was gay from the age of 16, but was hesitant to come out to his teammates at Queen’s. This made real friendships with them nearly impossible.
“My relationship with the volleyball team beforehand was I’d go to practice like it was a job,” he said. “I wouldn’t really speak to anybody, had no desire to hang out with the guys after practice. On the weekends, I’d avoid them at all costs. We didn’t have any type of friendship beyond practice or games.”
In his third year, a miserable Fautley came out to his coach, who had noticed that something was wrong. However, even with the support of his coach, the pressure became so intolerable that at the end of the season, after a year of helping propel Queen’s to a national championship appearance, he quit the team altogether.
Fautley’s concerned coach asked if she could tell the team the truth about why he was leaving. He told her that she could do whatever she wanted, as he didn’t plan on ever speaking to his teammates again. However, Fautley was blown away by what happened once his team discovered the real reasons he was cutting his athletic career short.
“Every single guy was apologetic for what they did to put me in the position that they did,” he said. “The conversation was more focused on how happy they were for me that I could feel comfortable enough at this point in my life that they got to find out.”
His relationship with the team repaired, Fautley returned to play for Queen’s over his final years at the school. Unknowingly, he had paved the way for other athletes who don’t fit perfectly into the stereotypical masculine mold.
“We had a rookie on the team in my fourth year that was gay,” he said. “He had a great relationship with the guys. It was very open. He’s not someone that would ever shy away from his sexuality. He was really great to have on the team because he brought a totally different dynamic and perspective to a lot of guys on the team because he wasn’t the most traditional athlete in terms of the hyper-masculine and the aggressive attitude. He was definitely more of a feminine guy, and the guys had a lot of fun with it.”
In the conclusion of Updating the Outcome, Anderson notes the changing attitudes of athletes toward homosexuality and masculinity, indicating that the positive experience Fautley witnessed with the gay rookie may be becoming the norm. Based on the men in the study, Anderson confirmed that homophobia was becoming less and less of a defining feature of masculinity in athletes.
Other colourful words
If the indestructible masculine ideal that sport perpetuates is slowly being chipped away, then what of homophobic speech on the field? When I bring up locker room talk to John, he gives a fairly typical locker room answer.
“We call each other everything that goes through our heads,” he says. “We’ll call each other ‘homos’ just like we’ll call each other ‘jerk-offs’ and ‘assholes’ and whatever. I think that we give each other vulgar nicknames more than we actually say our names. It’s such a different atmosphere.”
Calling someone a “fag” during a game is often thought of as inevitability — just boys being boys.
“It’s never going to go away,” says John. “It’s a part of the culture. If I’d come out, I don’t think it would change any of the comments.”
Scott Heggart, a University of Ottawa student and former high school hockey goalie, is trying to change that attitude. Heggart works with You Can Play, an organization that is trying to provide athletes of all sexual orientations with respect and safety.
When Heggart himself came out in high school, his team’s reaction was extremely positive.
“I got a bunch of text messages and messages on Facebook from both current and old teammates,” he said. “Basically, the overwhelming message was, ‘Scott, I’m proud of you, it took a lot of courage, it doesn’t change anything.’ ”
Having witnessed first-hand the denigrating comments that get thrown around the rink, Heggart has a unique perspective with which to share the You Can Play message.
“We’re not asking you to turn locker rooms into this kumbaya, love everybody place,” he said. “We’re just trying to get people to take out that little bit of language. Some of [my teammates] that were going on these rants about how much of a ‘homo’ the ref was, these were the people who sent me messages on Facebook about how they admired my courage and they supported me.”
He believes that athletes often don’t think about how their words can affect those around them.
“A lot of the time it’s disconnect. Does that justify what the people are saying? No,” he said. “Because at the same time, expressing homophobia, whether or not it’s subconscious, is still very, very damaging to people who are in the closet, and for people who may not understand that it’s just subconscious.”
The only conclusion
As our surprisingly forthcoming interview starts winding down, I ask John if he has any advice for a gay high school athlete who is considering whether or not they want to continue playing their sport in university. He pauses thoughtfully before responding.
“There’s going to be a lot of pressure coming up,” he says calmly. “Find a way to make peace with it, and maybe tell somebody or deal with it in some kind of way to relieve some of the pressure that you’re going to put on top of a bigger pressure. There’s going to be a pressure in school, pressure in friends, pressure in [sports], pressure in having a life, for fuck’s sake.
“I would [come out] when you’re comfortable — it might take a month, it might take three years — but definitely find a way to do it. I think it’d be better.”
When the interview ends, we shake hands, and John walks out as confidently as he walked in. After the door closes, I stay sitting down, stunned. How has a strapping, ferocious football player who is also bisexual been able to reconcile those two aspects of himself amid the immense pressure that sport places on him to be a certain type of man?
The only conclusion I could come to — and it’s a conclusion that John, Eric Anderson, Bryan Fautley, and Scott Heggart have echoed — is that the homophobic culture of sport, especially university sport, is changing. Like all social movements in the athletic world, the change is slow and delayed, but it’s happening. And that’s something we should all be cheering for.
*Names have been changed
