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Make it YOUR student union building

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WEB-build SFU booth-courtesy of buildSFU

The SUB needs to be a community space, first and foremost. The lack of community at SFU is a constant topic of conversation, meaning our SUB needs to be a walk-through space — a central hub.

Unless you’ve walked to and from class without looking up, you’ve noticed Build SFU posters everywhere. Architects have begun their focus groups to get a sense of the layout we as students need for the SUB.

After gathering information from students, the architects, and what ideas they had laid out, this is what I think the SUB needs, and what students should strive for.

Although it would have a wicked view and might have fewer issues with accommodating other structures, The Treehouse location is not ideal at all. I feel it’s highly unlikely applied science students, for example, would make the trek from the other side of campus. So, although this space would be great for me, it doesn’t seem inclusive enough. And let’s not kid ourselves, the Business students would take it over, anyway.

UBC’s new SUB is going to be net-positive, so let’s not fall behind.

The two other proposed sites can achieve the goals of this building; however, both of them come with building constraints, particularly on top of the Rotunda. That area needs renovations, and it does seem practical to do it all at once, but where does that leave groups such as SFPRIG, Out on Campus, the First Nations Student Union, and the Women’s Centre? Will they even get a place within the new SUB? We can’t just accept a location without asking questions.

So what does a genuine community and accessibility look like? Communities need places to gather. SFU currently lacks a place like this, Convo Mall for example, is too large for anything other than convocation, and other events seem to get lost in the space — it requires music so loud that students interested in participating seem to only end up repelled. For this reason, we need a giant open foyer as a place for people to meet, rally, and be informed.

We also need spaces for student organisations and clubs. The best way to strengthen community is to get students involved, but it’s difficult when clubs, departmental student unions, and student organisations are hidden in back corners that require you to navigate a labyrinth just to find them (I’m looking at you, Sustainable SFU).

We need a giant foyer as a place for people to meet and be informed.

The SUB must also be sustainable. The architects have promised the highest level of sustainability in their plans, and this is a promise that needs to be fulfilled. UBC’s new SUB, for example, is going to be net-positive, so let’s not fall behind. Would we, as a university, want to be any less than our UBC counterpart? If we’re going to invest, it should be done right — plus, we’re paying for it!

My outlook is hopeful that the firm will deliver what we need, and from what I heard voiced by other students in the Think Tank, we have a lot of common ideas on what the SUB will look like. We don’t need fancy things like games rooms or fireplaces, but I wouldn’t mind if we splurged on comfy seating and a decent place to study — this is a university after all.

Community, student involvement, accessibility, and sustainable architecture are what our SUB needs most. Our SUB needs to facilitate student engagement, and so far, I’m pretty impressed by the ideas I’ve heard. I just hope that promises made to date are kept, and that our SUB will truly meet the needs of SFU students.

New leadership sets Clan up for positive year

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WEB-captain volleyball-mark burnham

With a brand-new coaching staff and a new team mantra, the Clan women’s volleyball team is ready to be taken seriously. The 2012 campaign was far from successful, but the team is ready to apply what they learned from last year’s difficult season, and make their mark in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference this year.

The young team went 4-22 overall in last year’s competitions, winning only one conference match over the three-month period. But the Clan is ready for 2013 now, headed by a new coaching staff, and fueled by the desire to show the conference that they belong.

Team captains Kelsey Robinson, Amanda Renkema and Brooklyn Gould-Bradbury explain the transition, and their new outlook and passion for the game, “The past few seasons have been tough,” said Renkema, a middle blocker, and the only one of the three to have donned a Clan uniform in 2012. “The losing wasn’t so much the hardship as much as the not winning. We took so many teams to five sets, and were competitors in every match. Not being able to finish many games was very tough.”

The 6’1” Delta, BC native was second on the team in points per set and in blocks in 2012, averaging 2.59 points each set, and had 75 blocks on the season, a clear leader on the young squad both on and off the court.

Robinson, a 5’11” left side from Surrey, BC was sidelined by a knee injury for the 2012 season, but the junior found her red-shirt season to be eye-opening as well. “I really learned about the level of passion I have for volleyball when I sat out last season,” she explained. “I feel like I will be a more passionate and competitive player now because of it, which hopefully I can translate into my leadership role.”

Leadership will come from the trio of juniors, as well as from new head coach Gina Schmidt, a former University of Montana assistant.

“The reason that I came to SFU was because I knew Gina from high school ball as well as from playing in college,” explained Gould-Bradbury, a transfer from North Idaho College and a Seattle native. “I respect Gina a lot as a coach and am looking forward to what the team can learn from her expertise.”

Gould-Bradbury joins the Clan after two seasons at North Idaho, where she was named a National Junior College Athletics Association All-American and served as team captain in 2012. “My role as a leader will be different this year than in years past,” the 5’7” setter explained. “Not knowing a lot about the school, area, or even other athletes, my role as a leader so far will be on the court. I’ll be focusing on trying to bring hustle, communication, and encouragement to practice and game play.”

“This year’s group of athletes seem more mentally tough than in the past,” continued Renkema. “Everyone wants to succeed, especially as a team, and there have been a lot of selfless actions taken by many players for the betterment of the group as a whole.”

And the 2013 freshman class is an important part of that group, with the incoming selection of players offering both skill and spirit to the team. Freshmen Alison McKay, Devon May and Mackenzie Dunham have already seen the floor, with McKay leading the team in digs after the first weekend of play.

“I am really excited about the freshman class,” outside hitter Robinson shared. “They all bring something unique to the program that we will be able to use throughout the season. They are also extremely competitive, which bodes well for the future of the program.”

With hard work and perseverance planned for the 2013 season, the women will also be looking to use their NCAA experience to help them move forward, a first for the team who’s junior and senior contingent have been rather diminished in recent years.

“I think we experienced a sort of roller coaster with our mental game last season, which can be attributed to our lack of experience as players, so I am excited for this coming up season,” Renkema said. “Not only do most of the starting players have at least one year of NCAA experience under our belts but also because over the past year, we have become a lot more united, understand our roles as individual players better and have got some new perspective and insight on mental game from our coaches.”

With that kind of attitude, and a goal of completing their first winning season in the GNAC, the SFU women’s volleyball squad is ready for 2013 and the challenges and growth it will bring.

Local man unaware of what an asshole you think he is

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buspassenger

YOUR REGION — A local man who is just going about his day reportedly has no idea how much of a douchebag you think he is. According to reports, this dick sitting across from you on the bus who you’ve been glaring at for the past half-hour doesn’t even have a clue that he’s infuriating you.

Sources have indicated that the man who is just keeping to himself listening to music has zero awareness for your distaste in those stupid flip-flops he’s wearing and doesn’t even have the slightest idea that you think his haircut looks really dumb. Apparently, the man was too busy selfishly thinking about what he was going to do today — which includes going to the grocery store to buy some fruit, playing basketball at the park and visiting his elderly grandmother for dinner at her retirement home — to look outwards and become aware of your irrational hate for him.

Some sources have also indicated that his mind was even further clouded by thoughts of the shoes he lost recently and his regret that he wasn’t more specific with his barber last week. While this all remains just speculation, sources inside your own head indicate that he’s probably the worst and there’s a good chance that  you’re way better than him.

SFU Art Gallery has new “bathroom graffiti” exhibit, reports student who took wrong turn

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Grafitti

BURNABY — According to Tim Burns — a student who must have taken a wrong turn somewhere on his way to the Art Gallery — there is a brand new exhibition that highlights the work of bathroom graffiti artist, as well as a significant tribute to sink fixtures and mirrors.

While SFU galleries’ spokespeople claim that their current featured display is of the work of Samuel Roy-Bois, an artist who, to their knowledge, was not primarily inspired by lavatories, Burns was thoroughly impressed by the work he saw on display, going as far as to say it was “the best work he’s ever seen at the gallery.”

Burns said the work he encountered was quite awe-inspiring and contained some of the most detailed penis sketches he’s ever seen. He also said that he was almost brought to tears by some of the poetry on display, particularly one entitled “Jaspreet is a fag” which was written by a literary genius with the pseudonym “your mom.”

While it seems pretty clear that Burns was just in one of the AQ’s nearby men’s washrooms and not the art gallery, he’s been promoting the exhibit enthusiastically with his only warning to potential visitors being not to use flash photography since fellow patrons take that very seriously and may eject you from the premises.

Words around Vancouver

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WORD

At the end of September for nearly the past 20 years, lit lovers and word nerds from all backgrounds gather at Library Square for a free book and magazine festival. Streets are blocked off, large tents emerge, and a stage is erected at the corner of Robson and Homer.

Publishers, booksellers, authors, illustrators, literacy advocates, and performers of all kinds flock to the festival formerly known as The Word On The Street Vancouver.

This year, celebrating its renewal as Word Vancouver, the festival is better than ever. Best known among local literati as a one-day event on the last Sunday in September, the Vancouver team lengthened the festival in 2011 to span the weekend coinciding with Culture Days.

This year, the festival has five days of programming from Sept. 25 to 29, at various locations around Vancouver. Also, with only two episodes of unfavourable weather in 19 years, Word Vancouver has an excellent track record with the weather gods.

Wednesday, Sept. 25 features the kickoff event for the Automated Poetry Project at the recently opened secondhand bookstore, The Paper Hound. Word Vancouver just wrapped up a month-long crowdfunding campaign to convert old vending machines into poetry dispensers. They managed to raise more than half their intended goal and will be going ahead with the project, although it may be slightly modified due to budget.

NEWS-quotation marksit’s literally words on the street with nothing but a tent and a mic.”

Mariner Janes, poet

Festival attendees may be conflicted between multiple programs on Thursday: in addition to programming at the Carnegie, the Twisted Poets Literary Salon will be at the Cottage Bistro, and a cooking demo and book signing will be at Banyen Books & Sound.

Friday features a talk about stage and screenwriting at the Historic Joy Kogawa House, and Saturday has professional development workshops for writers at the central branch of the Vancouver Public Library on W Georgia St.

Wanda John-Kehewin, a 2011 graduate of The Writers’ Studio at SFU, says the poetry vending machines are something she’s personally looking forward to — she will be reading from her first book of poetry at the festival on Sunday in the Poetry Tent.

Her poetry is influenced by the lives of people. To say she finds inspiration in other people’s pain sounds callous, but she finds it is a “way to make a connection. Pain is universal; it doesn’t discriminate [between] those in a war torn country [or] people on a Reservation.”

John-Kehewin began writing seriously in 2008 after the Indian residential schools apology. She found herself drawn to global politics and social issues, drawing on events such as the earthquake in Japan or conflicts in the Gaza Strip. Her collection of poetry, In the Dog House, was published with Talonbooks this spring.

The sheer number of events may seem overwhelming, but that is exactly what poet Mariner Janes appreciates about the festival, “The setting is different from a formal reading, it’s literally words on the street with nothing but a tent and a mic. [Word Vancouver] showcases a lot of different authors.” Janes, who earned his BA and MA in English at SFU, will be reading from his first book of poetry, The Monument Cycles, on Sunday in the Poetry Tent.

The festival, being in various neighbourhoods around the city, gives attendees a chance to see different sides of Vancouver. Janes witnesses this daily while managing a mobile harm reduction unit in the downtown eastside.

“Moving around the city all day — walking, driving — allowed me to think about space and the people within the city.” Janes’ observations resulted in a collection of poetry framed around these themes, stemming from ideas about the role of monuments from a course at SFU.

Poetry seems to be a recurring theme at this year’s Word Vancouver, but there is something for everyone including children’s literature and storytelling, magazine talks, writing workshops, booths for local arts organizations, displays for literacy associations, and even musical performances. Of the festival, John-Kehewin says: “it’s free and all class statuses are welcome, it doesn’t matter your income level.”

Preamble

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Junius Brutus Stearns' 1856 painting George Washington Addressing the Constitutional Convention.

 

The original preamble is as follows:

The purposes of the Society are educational and artistic, to wit:

a)   the publication of newspapers, magazines, papers, books and documents to take an active role in educational and artistic endeavors including, but not limited to, The Peak,

b)   the promotion of academic excellence and journalistic excellence, according to the Canadian University Press Statement of Principles and Code of Ethics, except that the Society shall not have the power to grant or confer a diploma or degree of literary, technical or scientific standing,

c)    the sponsoring of lectures, debates and all other activities designed to advance the purposes of the Society, students at universities throughout the world and the members of faculty and administration of those universities, and members of the journalistic profession,

d)   the awarding of prizes, scholarships, bursaries, medals, certificates or other suitable recognition of contributions made both by members and non-members to the purposes set out in Section 2.b.

The following problems have been identified with it:

  • It explicitly lists formats in which the Society may publish materials, but this list is profoundly outdated, not including references to any sort of electronic media.
  • It refers to the Canadian University Press Statement of Principles and Code of Ethics, which is not easily available. Additionally, the future of CUP and of The Peak’s relationship with it is very much in question.
  • It requires sponsorship of events and prizes that, in practice, are rarely organized.

The following text has been suggested as a revision:

The purposes of the Peak Publications Society are as follows:

  1. The Society shall publish material for the benefit of the SFU community in whatever forms it is able;

  2. The Society shall report on matters of import and interest to the membership; to provide a forum for discussion and debate of issues important to the SFU community and beyond, and to defend freedom of speech within that forum; and to provide a venue for original entertainment material for the membership;

  3. The Society shall maintain independence from editorial or financial pressure from any external agents; pursuant to this, editorial policies, advertising policies, staffing policies, and organizational structuring shall be decided within the organization, within the bounds of applicable law;

  4. The Society may sponsor events and prizes for the benefit of the SFU community;

  5. All officers and agents of the Society shall adhere to the Code of Ethics.

 

All publications of the society and all involved in their production shall adhere to the following Code of Ethics, which is intended as a minimum standard of conduct.

  1. Journalists shall strive for accuracy in their reporting at all times, and shall never misrepresent, falsify, or distort facts.

  2. Journalists shall seek all perspectives relevant to their topic, and the Society shall allow space for conflicting views.

  3. Journalists shall respect the confidence of sources and private documents, within the bounds of the law and freedom of the press.

  4. All writers and producers shall be aware of libel and copyright laws and conduct all of their activities in accordance with them.

  5. Mistakes and inaccuracies shall be swiftly and prominently corrected.

  6. The interests and viewpoints of those who may be harmed by coverage in the Society’s publications shall be considered in all publishing decisions.

  7. Material intended to promote bigotry or violence against a group or person shall not be included in any of the Society’s publications, except in the context of reporting or commentary upon it. This provision shall not be interpreted to exempt groups or persons from legitimate criticism.

Please leave your thoughts and concerns below.

Interview with Marc Fontaine (BuildSFU)

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The Peak spoke with Marc Fontaine, BuildSFU general manager, about progress on the Simon Fraser University SUB development; Fontaine details the three proposed locations for the SUB and talks about how students can get involved.

Questions? Opinions? Shoot an email at [email protected]

Created by Brandon Hillier

Article Photo

In Review: the Vancouver Fringe Festival

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6Guitars-Red Curtain

6 Guitars

This one-man show about the power of music as a universal language has writer Chase Padgett portraying six different characters, all playing a different style of guitar and very different personalities.

First, we meet the 87 year-old blues guitarist who explains to us that blues is about real life and that there are really only four themes: I’ve got problems, look at my car, that girl’s hot, and let’s get messed up. He explains how hip-hop music is no different. He also has a great sense of humour, explaining that he originally named himself Syphilis Mango Taft, following his hero Blind Lemon Jefferson’s naming formula of affliction, fruit, president.

Another one of my favourite characters was the jazz player who was full of pretentious comments, like, “Jazz music. I could tell you so much, but would you ever really understand it?” The folkie, Peter, is sugary sweet and talks about his first performance with his uncle’s guitar, when he sang “You Are My Sunshine” at his funeral.

With a band named Satan’s Orthodontist, the next rock guitarist is a young metal head who talks about conflict within his band and his love of “music that chews your face off.” The country musician, with his wide legged stance and southern drawl, sings about pick-up trucks, women, and beer, reinforcing the bluesman’s theory about themes.

And of course next comes the classical guitarist with what is supposed to be a Spanish accent, which wasn’t as strong as it could have been. He spoke in metaphors and about “feeling the music,” but he felt like the weakest of all the characters.

What Padgett has accomplished with this show is truly remarkable; he expertly portrayed six very different characters, smoothly transitioning between them by changing something as simple as the way he sits or his facial expression. It also helps that Padgett is a talented guitarist, captivating the audience as he plays everything from soft jazz, to heartfelt blues, to head-banging rock.

By the end of the show, after making a case for each of their respective guitar styles, the musicians all talk about their respect for other styles and the way that music, no matter what genre, is a great equalizer that brings people together and helps them express their deepest emotions.

 

YouKilledHamlet-Nathaniel Justiniano and Ross Travis Photo by Shootthatklown 2

You Killed Hamlet

I don’t even know how to describe this show. I’ve seen a lot of theatre, but I’ve never seen anything like this. Full of blunt satire and content most people would rather avoid, You Killed Hamlet had very little connection to the Danish prince other than the theme of mortality.

The show involves two bouffon clowns with dangly nuts and other parts, wearing fat-suits, and looking pretty ugly talking about everything from colostomy bags to suicide. They sauntered into the venue as if they were audience members, weaving through the tables saying things like “we made it . . . oh gosh, so great to see you.”

There were a lot of references to the show itself as they voiced potential thoughts of audience members like, “What kind of show is this” and “This has nothing to do with Hamlet!

Their catchy song “Who plays Hamlet in this show” was quite funny and I did enjoy some of the humour, but I found most of this show unpleasant and bordering on offensive — to the senses, that is, not politically offensive.

One scene that I found fairly clever involved the clowns taking turns acting out a series of negative effects of growing older or getting sick, adding a new one to the sequence each time. The other clown would stand in the audience and guess what the first was portraying, and once they guessed correctly the clown on stage yelled, “Don’t want to think about it!”

Another scene had them pretending to be Fringe-goers who just saw their show and they wandered around the audience saying “Oh my god we just saw the show. It was a . . . well it was . . . a decent show . . . decent. But you know what you could do?” Then they would answer “production value,” or “circus acts.”

The show suggested that we live in a society that represses negative things and is uncomfortable talking about realities like death and illness. While some of their material was humorous, and they were talented entertainers, this just wasn’t an enjoyable show.

 

STRAPLESS PRESS PHOTO 3 - Bubble Pyramid

Strapless Comedy

When a show begins with a “strapless Riverdance” where clothing keeps falling down during the performance, it’s not hard to grab an audience’s attention. The five girls of this sketch comedy troupe aren’t afraid to show off their assets, but they can also write some pretty hilarious sketches.

A few stand out, including “5 Card Stud,” a girls’ poker game where they bet ex-boyfriends instead of money: “I’ll see your jobless loser and raise you two commitment-phobes.” I really enjoyed “Carl and Jan Go to the Bank”, which had a Saturday Night Live feel to it as the aged Carl holds up the bank because they won’t take his pennies.

“Break Up Movers” was also hilarious, as they advertise their services to move you out in the middle of the night without your partner even knowing. If you want to avoid the awkward moving out conversation, just call the break up movers.

I think my favourite sketch was the final one, “Indie Rock Crush,” written by Jackie Blackmore. It was about a woman who has a crush on one of the boys in her son’s band. She breaks into song, dancing around the stage with her broom singing things like “I wish I was your guitar so you could strum me; I wish I was your bus ticket so you could validate me.”

One of the sketches that I could relate to was called “Sign It.” One girl was sitting at a table as two others, dressed in matching track suits, told her that if she wanted to get in shape she better sign up for their gym’s membership, and if she didn’t sign in the next ten seconds, the special offer would expire. If you’ve ever signed a gym contract, you’ll know that their sketch wasn’t too much of an exaggeration.

There were a few sketches that, unfortunately, fell flat: “Nemesis” had a boyfriend telling his girlfriend that the best way to deal with her nemesis is to fight her. A few of the sketches just didn’t seem to have strong enough endings, but there were definitely a lot of laughs. With lots of confidence, no fear, and plenty of comedy writing talent, Strapless Comedy has a lot of potential and I think their material has just enough of a risky edge that it will resonate with people.

 

Bad Connections? Laughing Image

Bad Connections?

Fringe festivals are full of one-man shows, but I doubt most are as impressive as Paul Cosentino portraying nine New Yorkers in this play written by Michael Levesque. With only a chair sharing the stage with him and no costume changes, Cosentino transitions through these characters, including an old Italian shopkeeper, a Jewish housewife, a pregnant black woman, and a gay yoga instructor, with ease.

As he unravels the puzzle of how these characters’ lives intersect, he draws the audience into a world that he has created, quite literally, out of thin air; there are no props, only one plain brown outfit, and pure storytelling.

Sri Sri, an Indian guru, began the show by explaining that we should all take a deep breath and take a moment to stop, look, and listen in our hectic lives. We all took a collective breath and settled in for a great piece of theatre.

This theme ran throughout the play, and Sri Sri returned a few times to provide his wisdom. The plot involves a cast of characters all with their own problems, some of them struggling to figure out if they have made the right choices in their lives.

Italian Joey Marino runs his grandpa’s store by himself while his grandpa, Joseph Marino, is in the hospital telling him he doesn’t want to live anymore. Mr. Marino is being treated by Dr. Alex Redding who has his own problems — he’s married to Jewish housewife Debra Steiner while having an affair with her yoga instructor, Tommy. Debra got married for the wrong reasons and complains about her mother, who thinks her husband should be Jewish (although she says that being a doctor almost negates that requirement).

Joey Marino’s pregnant girlfriend, Dwandra, worries that Joey doesn’t want to marry her, and Joey worries that his grandpa disapproves of their relationship. Their son J.J. also makes a couple of small appearances, but I thought he was the weakest character portrayed and it probably wasn’t necessary for him to be seen on stage.

While I thought the acting in this show was superb, I found some of the coincidences between the characters to be a bit forced. Sri Sri does say that there is no such thing as a coincidence, so I guess he would disagree.

English: a degree for the curious

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WEB-English major-flickr-shutterhack copy

English majors are often at the heart of jokes culminating in the word “barista” and accompanied by smug laughter. Though I acknowledge the job market may be harder to navigate with a degree not funneling straight into a high paying profession, I will never give in to the belief that a degree in English is not worthwhile. While I might get some respect for my ability to write or edit with more ease than my peers in more “practical” fields, I did not pick my major for these skills. I declared a major in English because I really love — and see the value of — reading.

Sometimes I tell people I study English because I am an academic nomad. When you study something with a more concrete set of rules and figures (such as Chemistry or Statistics), there are fewer opportunities to truly interact with the curriculum. Literature allows one the freedom to walk among sights that have been seen and studied for hundreds of years while possessing an opinion that matters. I savour the ability to be able to move between eras, authors, and genres with only the weight of my own experiences to bear upon my adventure.

Along the way, there are many relics left in the form of critiques and responses from those who have previously explored each piece. Literature is a conversation that spans many years and is host to a variety of different voices from all walks of life.

With that said, reading texts from any era is not simply about engaging with a story and forming an opinion on it. The stories comprising fictional literature are only a small part of what an English major studies; books are vessels carrying information from different fields that beg analysis on many levels.

The roots of our modern academic fields can be found within literature.

Literature is written by people, for people, and is most often about people. Stepping away from the conventions of mere plot, there are many layers of economic, linguistic, historical, psychological, scientific, and social depth that are conveyed in a text. In order to provide a strong analysis of a literary work, one must consider all the contextual factors stemming from the time period and the author’s life. Reading literature is reading society and learning through the observation of the many interacting factors affecting human life.

Literature is relevant, regardless of the era in which it was written, because written expressions of fact and fiction are records. They detail everything from social movements to political and religious reformations, and therefore provide information about the world as it was at different periods of time.

The roots of all our modern academic fields can be found within the pages of literature. The way we do things is a product of our history, something documented through writings that describe the mundane activities along with the societal fears and dreams of a culture. Though a plot itself may not appear to serve anything other than enjoyment, it is actually riddled with facts and lessons. A degree in English is a thing for the curious, and for those who love learning. It is because I want to study everything that I study literature.

While I respect the work my peers do in the more employable fields, I stand by my choice to do an English major. Though I have learned to write and edit in the process, the real gain is in my knowledge of the world and the people who inhabit it.

A passion for punctuation

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In the seventh grade, I argued with a teacher for 20 minutes over the correct definition of “irony.” In kindergarten, I prided myself on my ability to differentiate “they’re,” “there” and “their.” I distinctly remember losing a friend at a birthday party over an argument concerning the pronunciation of the video game Super Smash Brothers Melee. (It’s may-lay, not muh-lee.)

My love affair with words has eclipsed all of my former, present and future passions: build a time machine and find me at any period in my life, and though you’re likely to meet a different person each time, all of my varied selves will share a warmth and fondness towards the grammatical and the syntactic. My room is littered with old journals and scraps of paper. Should a fire ever start in there, I don’t stand a chance.

Don’t get me wrong, because I realize English is among the most difficult languages to learn. I don’t envy ESL students who contend with subtle ordering, irregular verb conjugation, and diverse etymological origins. I take for granted my subconscious understanding of English’s myriad synonyms and esoteric turns of phrase.

But at the same time, I cringe every time the Oxford Dictionary allows a term like “food baby” or “selfie” to creep into its ranks. I’m protective of the vocabulary I so often take advantage of, and the ascension of a term like “derp” from silly South Park jokes to bonafide real word status irks me to no end; I’m not against neologisms, but come on.

Still, I can’t help but love the way that the English language — delicate yet cacophonous, simple yet idiosyncratic — helps me to form and better express my ideas. An introvert to the core, I’ve never been particularly good at conveying my thoughts and feelings through subtle gestures or body language. Though, to be fair, I often exaggerate my words with dramatic hand motions, if only to increase the impact of my most important phrases.

Language has helped me to define who I am, and it does to this day. I’m rarely to be found without a pen and pad on my person, in case a situation should arise that I feel would be better understood when written down. I salute my calloused middle finger which so often balances my pens, and the ink stains on so many of my cardigans.

Punctuation, in particular, may be my favourite facet of language. It gives the written word a leg up over the spoken. After all, an implied ellipsis is never as good as the real thing. The period, the comma, the semicolon and even the oft-maligned em dash — each of these tools are like old friends, always there for me when I need them, and rarely asking anything in return.

My Copy Editor will laugh when she reads this, because she’s all too familiar with my syntactic preoccupation. It’s likely the final version of this article you’re reading has significantly fewer punctuation marks than my first draft — believe me, she’s done you a favour. I’ve read countless arguments for simple, clean prose, and I’m inclined to agree. But I just can’t help myself; there are too many wonderful words out there, and I’ve never been very good at keeping things short and to the point.

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. My addiction is the written word — the best and worst tool you’ll ever have, capable of breaking hearts and mending wounds in equal measure. Ask me again in 10 years, and I suspect the answer will be the same.