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Local man unaware of what an asshole you think he is

Humour
EIC
EIC
1 min.
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buspassenger

YOUR REGION — A local man who is just going about his day reportedly has no idea how much of a douchebag you think he is. According to reports, this dick sitting across from you on the bus who you’ve been glaring at for the past half-hour doesn’t even have a clue that he’s infuriating you.

Sources have indicated that the man who is just keeping to himself listening to music has zero awareness for your distaste in those stupid flip-flops he’s wearing and doesn’t even have the slightest idea that you think his haircut looks really dumb. Apparently, the man was too busy selfishly thinking about what he was going to do today — which includes going to the grocery store to buy some fruit, playing basketball at the park and visiting his elderly grandmother for dinner at her retirement home — to look outwards and become aware of your irrational hate for him.

Some sources have also indicated that his mind was even further clouded by thoughts of the shoes he lost recently and his regret that he wasn’t more specific with his barber last week. While this all remains just speculation, sources inside your own head indicate that he’s probably the worst and there’s a good chance that  you’re way better than him.

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1 COMMENT

  1. In a vote of riders conducted by the bus driver, it was ass-umed that the passenger in question has mirrors on the inside of his frames.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society