In the news…

Life as a Disney Princess

Snow White Pros: Rent is super cheap when split with seven other roommates.   Cons: How can you possibly enjoy apple pie after going through a poisoned-fruit...

I sniffed you

Looking for the“good boy” You were tied up outside of a Whole Foods Market wearing a red collar. You were waiting for your human, being...

Horoscopes for dumb shits (Jan 30th—Feb 5th)

ARIES This is the week to give into bad impulses, Aries. You should message your ex. You should eat all the delicious lactose-filled desserts even...

SFU officially becomes an engaged university

Pop the champagne bottles and prepare for festivities! On January 1, SFU President Andrew Petter got down on one knee and asked Simon Fraser...

Famous philosophers and their fetishes

Thales: Watersports First in the western canon, first in the sack. Thales thought water was the only element. Show him how right he is.   Friedrich...

How to gracefully deal with your mortality

You are going to die. Yin and yang. Life and death.  You can’t have one without the other.  So, instead of bitching about it, here...

Werld News Headlines

South Korean president, Park Geun-hye, impeached North Koreans: Wait, you can do that?!   Donald Trump’s advisors want Ivanka for government position in White House, while...

What your textbook says about you

Classes are in session, and students across all SFU campuses have been dishing out the big dollars to get their hands on textbooks that...

How to take a good nude

If you are a heterosexual male who says “No homo, bro,” after bestowing your friend with some love, I prohibit you from reading further;...