Horoscopes for dumb shits

ARIES: You’ve been a bit off the handle recently, Aries. Do you remember that alarmingly dramatic incident where you nearly lost your pinky toe? Of...

Baby on plane actually crying about her carbon footprint

Ever been on a plane and had a baby cry nonstop the entire flight? Well, those cries may have the intention of bringing you...

Snowmageddon: A Vancouverite’s guide to dealing with snow

The recent dumping of snow over our city has left Vancouverites feeling defenseless, hopeless, and just plain useless at times. We’re talking about people...

SPOOF: Famous Feuds of 2016

SFU Exams vs. The Snow What’s this? What’s this? What the fuck is this?! Snow is a big cock-slap in the face, and Metro Vancouver...

SPOOF: The Short List

Larissa Chen It has been an incredible feat that while she was initially elected as VP student services representative, Larissa Chen quickly rose to her...

SPOOF: SFU’s Firsts and Lasts of 2016

Firsts March 13 – First time president Petter emerged from his office after five months of hibernation April 21 – First time the Highland Pub shockingly...

SPOOF: The Mascot of the Year

It’s midday on Burnaby Mountain and the air is thin and frosty. With the exam period over and the new semester still weeks away,...

Hot new slang to use in 2017

Lemon-sucking fuck-face: Bae is a lazy acronym for lazy lovers who blow their load before you can even start thinking about having an orgasm....

“Santa is real,” and other acceptable lies to tell children

I don’t have a favourite child Those of us who have siblings remember a time when our sibling received special treatment, and out of jealousy,...

12 Days of Finals

On the first day of finals The stress brought to me: At least one mental breakdown. On the second day of finals The stress brought to me: Two-day extension and...