“Deranged mountain man” publicly executed after “stealing Christmas”

WHOVILLE — The man who was believed to be responsible for having literally stolen Christmas from the quiet mountain town of Whoville was allegedly...

Street performer struggling to juggle career and seven chainsaws

GRANVILLE ISLAND— A local street performer who has spent the last five years of his life putting in over 60 hours a week working...

Due to popularity of Movember, entire Gregorian Calendar changed to reflect hair-growth

TORONTO — Thanks to the overwhelming popularity of the recently instated month of Movember, massive reforms are on the way to ensure that the...

Lucky SFU student approved by BMO for credit card

BURNABY — An extremely fortunate first-year student, who is sure to quickly become the envy of all his classmates, reportedly was hand-picked by the...

HMV CEO “not quite sure” how the company is still in business

LONDON — HMV CEO Trevor Moore told the media yesterday that he was “just floored” at how his company that sells exclusively products that...

Trenchcoat makers baffled by decline in popularity of trenchcoats

VANCOUVER — A continuing decline in the sale of trenchcoats has left industry insiders befuddled. Though once popular among private detectives and all around...

Teenager stuns guitar shop with flawless rendition of “Sweet Child O’ Mine”

SEATTLE — Open mouths, gaping jaws and teary eyes were in abundance at the Bellingham Guitar Center yesterday afternoon when workers and patrons were...

ADVICE COLUMN: Ask Dr Ygor Yvanovich

DEAR DR. YGOR: I have spent much of my adolescent years growing my reputation as a supreme dick and all around terrible person. My...