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I don’t see race, I just see people with bombs in their turbans and people without turbans

Humour
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Written by Gill Smith, TSA

Listen, I know a lot of people think that airport security employees aren’t always the most impartial people when it comes to “random checks” but I’ve got to say that I, for one, do not discriminate based on race, creed, or ethnicity.

The only thing I look at when I see another human being is their turban, that’s it. If they’ve got one, I know they’re carrying a bomb and I won’t rest until they are brought to justice.

You could be brown, black, white . . . hell even purple and I wouldn’t give a damn. I treat every single one of god’s creatures the same, as long as you don’t got a turban on.

Personally, I can’t believe we still live in an age where people are judged on where they were born and not on what type of obviously weapon-concealing headgear they wear.

“Race is just a made-up concept anyway, but it’s a known fact that a turban’s only purpose is to hold explosive devices”

Terrorists can come in all shapes and colours, you know, so it’d be crazy to just single out one group based on something as arbitrary as the country they grew up in.

Race is just a made-up concept anyway, but it’s a known fact that a turban’s only purpose is to hold explosive devices.

So yeah, when I see one of these turban-wearers, I don’t even see what colour they are or what shape their jaw-line is, I just stop them immediately and take them back for three hours of questioning.

I don’t just do it when I’m at work either, even when I’m off-duty I help make our world a little safer and our country a little-less destroyed.

And I’d say I’ve been pretty successful too; I’ve never let a single bomb go off or my watch. Not on a plane, not at the grocery mart, and not even at my favourite Pakistani restaurant, which I always have a few close calls at.

So please, do not judge a man on the colour of his skin . . . just check if he’s wearing a bomb-hat. If we can manage to do that, discrimination will become a thing of the past in no time.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society