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“Complete breakfast” doing just fine without Reese’s Puffs

Humour
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CLOVERDALE — A local breakfast is reportedly doing “just fine” on its own without Reese’s Puffs, a cereal long believed to be an essential part of it.

According to the group of three pieces of toast, scrambled eggs, a grapefruit and a medium-sized orange juice, they feel just as “complete” as ever even without the presence of Reese’s Puffs who was not purchased this week.

“I really don’t know what he was even bringing to the table,” one of the pieces of toast told The Peak, “I mean, we’ve already got grain, protein and most vitamins covered just among us.”

“Sure, he’s a sweet guy and he’s got a little protein but I don’t think it’s fair to say he completes us”

– OJ

These thoughts were echoed by the rest of the breakfast who just couldn’t see the legitimacy in the value that their chocolatey compadre always talks up on TV.

“Sure, he’s a sweet guy and he’s got a little protein but I don’t think it’s fair to say he completes us,” explained the orange juice. “Really, if anything he’s bringing us down, making us unhealthy.”

While the majority of the breakfast was quick to dismiss Reese’s Puffs, some did rise to his defence.

“I’ve got to admit, without him, we’re pretty boring; you’re never going to find a neat prize in a carton of eggs,” the grapefruit commented. “Plus, he’s the one who always gets the milk to come around and, if I’m being honest, dairy is pretty important to us.”

While the breakfast may be somewhat divided on the worth of Reese’s Puffs in their meal situation, they agree that the chocolate-snack branded cereal could be easily replaced.

“We’ve had everything from Frosted Flakes to Shredded Wheat come in here and do more than a great job in that role,” Toast-Piece #2 explained. “RP is fine to have around the house, maybe join us on weekends, but we can get along just fine without him.”

As of press time, Reese’s Puffs did not make an official statement regarding the situation although he is reportedly also doing just fine on his own, quote “actually making kids happy.”

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society