Premature baby permanently banned from baseball for steroid use

ST. LOUIS — According to a press release from Major League Baseball, a prematurely born baby has been permanently banned from playing the sport...

New $4.4 million SFU observatory set to monitor construction of new $4.4 trillion Rigel 6 satellite campus

BURNABY — SFU’s long discussed and fully supported $4.4 trillion Rigel 6 satellite campus, which was officially announced last week, is set to be...

Become a PQ Superstud

Listen, every guy wants to be a stud and pick up ladies (unless he’s happily married, gay, asexual, or is just trying to watch...

The Craziest, Most Outrageous, Most Surprising, Best, Worst and Average Countdown Lists of the Year 2013

Oh boy, what a crazy year 2013 was for year-in-review countdown lists! There were just so many ridiculous, crazy countdown shows and magazine articles...

Winter Safety Tips

If there’s one season that really wreaks havoc on SFU, it’s winter. Spring, summer and fall usually pass by without too much of a...

Funny Page Recaps

Plot updates for all the most popular syndicated comic strips we can’t afford to publish.   Adam@home: Adam spent time with his family and didn’t leave his...

“Deranged mountain man” publicly executed after “stealing Christmas”

WHOVILLE — The man who was believed to be responsible for having literally stolen Christmas from the quiet mountain town of Whoville was allegedly...

Street performer struggling to juggle career and seven chainsaws

GRANVILLE ISLAND— A local street performer who has spent the last five years of his life putting in over 60 hours a week working...

Due to popularity of Movember, entire Gregorian Calendar changed to reflect hair-growth

TORONTO — Thanks to the overwhelming popularity of the recently instated month of Movember, massive reforms are on the way to ensure that the...