By: Petra Chase, Editor-in-Chief

Dear SFU community,

It’s time to say farewell to The Peak and welcome our board game magazine. The Pawn is now your weekly source for the latest news, trends, and tips in tabletop gaming on our beloved mountain (excluding table tennis, which has its own weekly campus magazine). Our new name is an homage to the fact that we needed to pawn off multiple kitchen appliances (sorry team, no more coffeemaker) to raise money for this venture. We had to buy every single board game for fact and fun checking purposes.

I understand it may come as a surprise we would choose to switch lanes after 60 years serving student issues. We will continue to cover student matters, just as long as they’re related to card or board games. For example: forgot the rules of a card game? Email your queries in the form of a Dear Peakie and wait 7–14 business days for Peakie to explain the rules in an article.

The lack of media coverage on the impact of sit-down competition on student life, dating, and international politics is why we’re tapping into this new niche. Market research revealed our target demographic includes people who solve Rubik’s cubes during lectures. The promotions team screened the student body and concluded there are 12 who study on Burnaby Mountain this semester, three in Surrey, and eight downtown. If you find any of these smug individuals hidden in plain sight among theatre seats like whimsical Waldo’s, give them a copy of our paper.

We’re still accepting student contributors, only with a few additional guidelines:

• Memorize and recite Hugh Grant’s harrowing monopoly monologue from Heretic (2024) for our board of directors.
• Read our 12-page manifesto about why stacking “Plus 4” cards in UNO is not allowed and sign a contract agreeing to enforce these rules in your own circles.
• Use commas appropriately. For example “shuffle, grandma” implies telling grandma to deal the cards, but “shuffle grandma” incites moving grandma around.
• We play Snakes and Ladders before our pitch meetings as an icebreaker, so make sure you know the rules. Also, be warned: it does get really competitive, so just don’t come if you don’t want your feelings hurt. I recommend practicing by imagining a Snakes and Ladders board on your ceiling at night and envisioning playing against an opponent to start building your strategy. 

Here are a few pitches available for next issue:

• NEWS: Carly Rae Jepsen, bbno$, Ryan Reynolds, Michael Bublé, Grimes, and Nardwuar were spotted playing Go Fish at the Juno’s afterparty (dream card rotation). Investigate fan-leaked footage to determine who won the game and whether or not they were properly following the rules.
• OPINIONS-IN-DIALOGUE: Spinny wheel vs dice: which do you prefer when you hit the boards?
• ARTS AND CULTURE: Why recreational poker players find Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” uninformed.
• SPORTS: 5 signs your Twister opponent might be falling for you.

Thanks and happy reading! Don’t email me unless it’s board game related. As my new email signature says,

Don’t be dicey, 

Petra Chase, Editor-in-Chief and Candy Land prodigy

For more from The Pawn, visit the Spoof section of our website.