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Peakie is here to help you navigate injustice

Humour
Peak Web
Peak Web
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PHOTO: Alice Alinari / Unsplash

By: Cam Darting and C Icart, Humour Editor

Dear Peakie, 

How do I get Vancouverites to up their fashion game? It is so exhausting to have everyone stare at me when I’m walking down Commercial Drive wearing a basic dress. Have none of them seen a jewel-encrusted bodice with a long silk train before?

Sincerely, 
Still Getting Used To The Princess Protection Program 

Dear Still Getting Used To The Princess Protection Program,

I completely understand how you feel. Once, I was on the SkyTrain wearing an exact replica of Cardi B’s 2019 Met Gala Gown. Instead of feeling the weight of the fabric, all I felt were the eyes of strangers staring at my bedazzled nipples. Some people really don’t know how to mind their own business. My best advice to you, my fashion-forward feline, is to remember Vancouver is big. If you strategically choose where you go, you’ll blend right in. 

Xoxo,
Peakie

Dear Peakie, 

Everyone keeps raving about Renaissance Cafe, and don’t get me wrong, I love their chana masala as much as the next guy. BUT I need advice on how to move forward after the terrible customer service I received the other day. Listen to this: I was in the AQ at 9:00 p.m. craving an Italian soda and veggie panini and THEY WERE NOT OPEN!? How could they do this to me? 

Hungrily, 
Make Renaissance 24/7

Dear Make Renaissance 24/7,

I am sincerely sorry that you had to go through this. I can’t even imagine the pain you must have gone through. My initial thought was to sue, but let’s face it: you’re a student, so I have you in my thoughts and prayers since you can’t afford a lawyer. Go on strike for the tragedy that Renaissance Cafe caused you. I, as well as other SFU students, will picket with you to make sure Renaissance Cafe stays open 24/7 for your Italian soda and veggie panini needs. #FightForYourRightsQueen

From your fav humanitarian activist,
Peakie

Dear Peakie,

Please tell my girlfriend that spending $140 on the Holo Taco website makes 100% financial sense because then, I get free shipping. There are also extra benefits because I won’t have to pay my therapist to tell me how to connect with my inner child. I’ll simply wear the Cracked Taco Shell and it’ll be like I’m in 2012 all over again! 

Sincerely, 
Nothing Comes Between Me and My Taco

Dear Nothing Comes Between Me and My Taco,

I’m excited to hear that you’re newly single! Got a type? I might have an aunt that would be perfect for you. If your girlfriend doesn’t understand adulting, and that free shipping is helping your wallet, you need to break up with her. You deserve better. As a gift for being newly single now, buy yourself the Naughty List nail polish shade. That might be the only naughty action you’ll be receiving for a while.

Relationship fixer,
Peakie

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Burnaby apologizes for historic discrimination against people of Chinese descent

News Peak Web -
By: Heidi Kwok, Staff Writer On November 15, community members gathered at the Hilton Vancouver Metrotown as the City of Burnaby offered a formal apology for its historic discrimination against people of Chinese descent. This included policies that deprived them of employment and business opportunities. The “goals of these actions was exclusion,” Burnaby mayor Mike Hurley said.  “Today, we shine a light on the historic wrongs and systemic racism perpetuated by Burnaby’s municipal government and elected officials between 1892 and 1947, and commit to ensuring that this dark period of our city’s history is never repeated,” he stated. “I’ll say that again, because it’s important — never repeated.” The earliest recorded Chinese settlers arrived in Nuu-chah-nulth territory (known colonially as Nootka Sound) in 1788 from southern China’s...

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Block title

Burnaby apologizes for historic discrimination against people of Chinese descent

News Peak Web -
By: Heidi Kwok, Staff Writer On November 15, community members gathered at the Hilton Vancouver Metrotown as the City of Burnaby offered a formal apology for its historic discrimination against people of Chinese descent. This included policies that deprived them of employment and business opportunities. The “goals of these actions was exclusion,” Burnaby mayor Mike Hurley said.  “Today, we shine a light on the historic wrongs and systemic racism perpetuated by Burnaby’s municipal government and elected officials between 1892 and 1947, and commit to ensuring that this dark period of our city’s history is never repeated,” he stated. “I’ll say that again, because it’s important — never repeated.” The earliest recorded Chinese settlers arrived in Nuu-chah-nulth territory (known colonially as Nootka Sound) in 1788 from southern China’s...

Block title

Burnaby apologizes for historic discrimination against people of Chinese descent

News Peak Web -
By: Heidi Kwok, Staff Writer On November 15, community members gathered at the Hilton Vancouver Metrotown as the City of Burnaby offered a formal apology for its historic discrimination against people of Chinese descent. This included policies that deprived them of employment and business opportunities. The “goals of these actions was exclusion,” Burnaby mayor Mike Hurley said.  “Today, we shine a light on the historic wrongs and systemic racism perpetuated by Burnaby’s municipal government and elected officials between 1892 and 1947, and commit to ensuring that this dark period of our city’s history is never repeated,” he stated. “I’ll say that again, because it’s important — never repeated.” The earliest recorded Chinese settlers arrived in Nuu-chah-nulth territory (known colonially as Nootka Sound) in 1788 from southern China’s...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024