Go back

SFU Student Updates: April 3–9

By: Natalie Cooke, News Writer

Hi students! 

Looking for something new to watch? Below are some movies and shows that feature SFU and their AMAZING student-first initiatives! Enjoy!

Snow Disaster! Here We Go Again

SFU has heard student concerns regarding the weather conditions on Burnaby campus. Many cars are getting stuck in the parking lots that have not been plowed on a consistent basis. But why do you need a machine to plow the snow when you can use your hands? If you can drive a car, then we are sure you can sweep away a few feet of frozen snow! We do not lend snow shovels to students, because we don’t want to risk the shovels getting stolen. Right now, we need to prioritize our equipment, not the students. Therefore, keep using your hands! Shoveling snow with your hands and developing frostbite is great for character development.

SFU’s Secret Garden

Yes, SFU has a hidden rose garden, but that’s not the secret we’re talking about here. Instead, the secret, thorny “delays” to pivotal decisions in our SFU community are what’s really hidden under the dirt. We’ve heard students wondering: “What is SFU not telling us? There has to be a reason SFU took over two years to provide RAs with contracts, other than twiddling their thumbs all day long.” Since we know you want to learn what’s hidden behind the bushes, other than ignorance, watch now! 

“Central Perk,” more like “Central Pernicious”

Looking to enjoy a coffee alongside some gossip while studying with friends? Visit the local Starbucks right here on campus! As you wait in line to order your $8 coffee, listen out for the screeching sound of trumpets in the background! It adds an extra ambience when everyone in line has to yell their order at the barista. While some students complain about the presence of raging saxophones as they study and mingle, we have chosen not to do anything about this issue. However, for the next two years we will say we are “addressing this matter with our local Starbucks” as we “care about improving the learning spaces for students.” We hope to see change, although it most likely won’t happen, since we are not formally taking action. Central Perk, or pernicious destruction of the central nervous system? 

Was this article helpful?
0
0

Leave a Reply

Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Read Next

Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...