By: Victoria Lopatka, Staff Writer
You should get a tattoo of the scene in The Wolf of Wall Street where Mark Hanna and Jordan Belfort — played by Matthew McConaughey and Leonardo DiCaprio — go to lunch. Hanna does that weird chanting, humming thing at the table and it’s apparently really impactful. I’m thinking a 6×6 inch square tattoo, to provide enough room to get all the good details — like the glasses that look like they were polished by angels because they are so shiny and spotless. I already know you just love this movie because Jordan Belfort is so cool and such an inspiration with his loads of money and very pretty wife.
“Oh, you study communications? How is it? Do you like communications? What kind of job can you get with a communications degree?” If reading that caused you to experience negative emotions, then I have a great tattoo idea for you: get “COMMUNICATIONS” with a big, red X through the “S” at the end. Get it somewhere highly visible, like in the middle of your forehead or right on your throat, and eventually, these people will learn your degree isn’t plural.
Hello fellow criminology majors! Quick: where is your copy of the Criminal Code? Even though the code is readily available online (with the added bonus of CTRL + F at our fingertips), our professors make us buy a physical copy of it for classes. Maybe you’ve even been forced to memorize sections or lines from the code for exams. Well, memorize no further — instead, get the entirety of the Criminal Code of Canada as a tattoo. If this sounds too time-consuming and painful, start with your favourite section. Maybe you have a preference for Section 75: pirate acts, like stealing ships, Section 365 (repealed, but still loved): pretending to practice witchcraft, or Section 159: addressing anal intercourse.
Daddy Freud — and yes, I will continue to refer to him as “Daddy Freud” for this entire paragraph — is inescapable in psychology. It would be completely normal if you started to feel some type of way about him after hearing about him so much. Maybe you see him as a father figure, a friend . . . a partner eyes-looking emoji. No judgement here! As a tribute to this well-known neurologist and psychoanalyst, consider getting a portrait of Daddy Freud tattooed on your body.
Why do you even want to get a tattoo? You know all the statistics related to bloodborne infections and allergic reactions to ink, so why would you risk it? I bet someone said you’re boring and you’re trying to prove them wrong, huh? Well, it is a little difficult to come up with a cool statistics tattoo. Instead, I suggest a useful option: get a grid paper tattoo. You never know when you’re going to need to create a graph or chart, and now you’ll always have the supplies.
The eye you just doodled in your notebook margins in lecture is so good! The shading you did in the iris, with the little patches of white to show light reflecting off the eye makes it look realistic, chef’s kiss. Seriously, it’s really good — you should design tattoos! In fact, you should get that exact drawing as a tattoo, like on your bicep, ankle, or the back of your neck. Your body is a temple, so why not decorate the walls, am I right?