Go back

Student heals emotionally after falling asleep on bedspread at 2 a.m. in day clothes

Humour

Snow Rinking slept four hours this morning and it was the most perfect night ever

Humour
Humour
1 min.
0
1352
Photo by Christopher Jolly on Unsplash

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor

VANCOUVER, BC — This morning, an SFU student woke up completely emotionally stable. He had fallen asleep on top of his bed covers at 2:37 a.m., still dressed in his T-shirt, shorts, and favourite pair of American Eagle boxers.

“I don’t really ‘choose’ when I sleep,” said Snow Rinking, a fourth year communication student with a philosophy minor. “I just use my bed as a multipurpose workstation, dining table, and rec room until the desire possesses me like in Jennifer’s Body.”

Rinking reports an incredibly deep, good sleep in which he had no feelings or awareness of anyone or anything, including his own personhood. He was especially proud of himself for not rolling over unconsciously and snapping his open Macbook Air in half. 

“I’m like super at peace now,” the communication student explained. “The extra few hours in this outfit have allowed my internalized feelings of alienation and paranoia to finally drain fully into my unethically sourced textiles. Usually it just happens a little bit each day.” Today, reportedly, Rinking has not once stormed away from an innocuous Messenger missive to entertain his misplaced beliefs about what his texting partner is really thinking. 

His nicest memory of the experience is waking up at 5:30 am thanks to the chilly open window, and then changing into pyjamas to sleep for another half-hour. He cannot wait to intersperse the other four hours of required sleep throughout his day.

“It’s really exciting. I’m going to be so productive,” he sighed. “Now that this one thing has gone right, I’ll be able to completely revolutionize my life today. I don’t need long-term, sustainable personal growth. I need lots of kiwis for my fridge and to go file my taxes.”

At press time, it was 2 a.m. again. Sadly, a lot can happen in one day and all of Rinking’s emotional progress has been undone!

Was this article helpful?
0
0

Leave a Reply

Block title

New immunotherapy treatment provides hope for aggressive cancer

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy are often recognized as the three most common forms of cancer treatment. Sometimes, the latter two approaches become no longer effective when cancers become drug resistant, allowing the cells to further spread. At the University of Calgary, however, promising developments in immunotherapy intervention seek to provide alternative treatment when common therapies are not viable.  Cells continually divide to replenish dying cells, but certain gene mutations can create cancer cells, which divide and spread in an uncontrolled manner. The human body naturally defends itself from cancerous cells, though sometimes they can “hide from the immune system and avoid being destroyed,” according to the Canadian Cancer Society. Immunotherapy seeks to help strengthen the ability to recognize and fight...

Read Next

Block title

New immunotherapy treatment provides hope for aggressive cancer

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy are often recognized as the three most common forms of cancer treatment. Sometimes, the latter two approaches become no longer effective when cancers become drug resistant, allowing the cells to further spread. At the University of Calgary, however, promising developments in immunotherapy intervention seek to provide alternative treatment when common therapies are not viable.  Cells continually divide to replenish dying cells, but certain gene mutations can create cancer cells, which divide and spread in an uncontrolled manner. The human body naturally defends itself from cancerous cells, though sometimes they can “hide from the immune system and avoid being destroyed,” according to the Canadian Cancer Society. Immunotherapy seeks to help strengthen the ability to recognize and fight...

Block title

New immunotherapy treatment provides hope for aggressive cancer

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy are often recognized as the three most common forms of cancer treatment. Sometimes, the latter two approaches become no longer effective when cancers become drug resistant, allowing the cells to further spread. At the University of Calgary, however, promising developments in immunotherapy intervention seek to provide alternative treatment when common therapies are not viable.  Cells continually divide to replenish dying cells, but certain gene mutations can create cancer cells, which divide and spread in an uncontrolled manner. The human body naturally defends itself from cancerous cells, though sometimes they can “hide from the immune system and avoid being destroyed,” according to the Canadian Cancer Society. Immunotherapy seeks to help strengthen the ability to recognize and fight...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society