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Lose the landlord and live for free on the Burnaby campus

Written by: Hannah Davis, Peak Associate

According to my cranky neighbour Terrie (who’s a totally reliable source because he shouts when he talks), Vancouver is “one billion times more expensive than anywhere else in the world!” Terrie inspired me to share this list of places to live at SFU — places that are beautiful, chic, and most importantly, FREE.

Amongst the construction

Half-constructed buildings are a beautiful place to call home. The new SUB building will make a great abode for any student who wants to live on campus, conveniently close to gorgeous amenities, and a mere stone’s throw away from a butt-ton of construction.

Another amazing feature of the potential home is the missing walls. You will always be reminded of the great outdoors, as well as constantly bullied by some nasty winter winds.

Terrie’s Take: Being COLD and BROKE is a really good way to build character, a GREAT AND IMPORTANT thing that you millennials seem to care NOTHING ABOUT!

In the library pretending to be a ghost

Everyone wants an at-home library, but no one gets to say their entire house is a library! Book nerds will reach climax when they hear about your living situation!

Every evening, when the library is supposed to be closing, throw on a white sheet and begin your bedtime routine by lurking in the upper floors in the library. If you come across any security guards, you’ll spook them into evacuating the premises. Use your ghost sheet and your backpack as a pillow for a lumpy yet much-deserved sleep.

Voila! You’re now living in the library, thanks to baby boomers who graciously wrecked the economy for us.

Terrie’s Take: I AM A GHOST. I DON’T have to pretend. And HOW DARE you call me a baby boomer!

In the pond like a swamp monster

The pond is luxuriously spacious, with a gorgeous open floor layout and no ceiling which is incredibly modern and chic. If you’re worried about privacy, don’t fret; one will not notice you lurking in the shallow waters because the koi fish will block you from unwanted eyes. The only thing you will have to worry about is people rudely intruding on your home when they fall into the pond during convocation.

Terrie’s Take: “You can also eat the koi fish! FREE SASHIMI.”

Inside any of the sculptures at SFU

Anyone who has ever set foot on the SFU campus knows how obsessed it is with abstract sculptures. These sculptures actually provide some prime real estate for students. Live inside an abstract sculpture by fashioning an invisible door which you can seamlessly enter and exit without scrutiny.

Alternatively, become an abstract sculpture. Simply pitch a beautiful tent next to some random art on campus and voila! You can live freely under the guise of your living conditions being art.

Terrie’s take: I am a work of ART! My body is a MASTERPIECE. When I walk down the street people mistake ME for an ANIMATED Greek sculpture! My living conditions are always art—

*The rest of Terrie’s take is omitted for explicit descriptions of Terrie’s “gorgeous muscular body”*

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society