[dropcap]U[/dropcap]nbeknownst to many bed-goers, our favourite lazy, lasagna-loving cat is actually a master of sex. Scientists at the Lab for Pop Culture Cats and Intercourse, in Los Angeles California, have discovered that many of our favourite Garfield quotes can drive our sexual arousal right up the wall when used during moments of pleasure and intimacy with a partner! That’s right, after years of banging out some incredibly memorable quotes, this little pussy has yet to grow old. Here are some strategies for meow-thing your affection to help you have a rawr-ing great night beneath the sheets!

During foreplay:

Hot nights should always begin with something slow, with some seductive words to help put you two in the mood. After softly kissing your partner’s neck, lean in to their ear and whisper, “when the lasagna content in my blood gets low, I get mean.” As you kiss and touch one another, some spicy quotes to use are, “I am hungry, therefore I am,” and, “eat every meal as though it were your last.” Get hungry for each other — the night is sure to be a fiery one.

During sex:

As things get heated, and you two now share a warm bed, nothing beats making passionate love while repeatedly gasping, “Deep fry it!” During some of the more intense moments of the night, try romantically panting, “When I want in, I want in now!” This will let your partner know that you are the only thing they’re into. Such love will make for an incredible explosive finish.

During orgasm:

So far you’ve had an unforgettable night, and amongst the heat of sweaty passion you now feel you’re about to climax. Before orgasm, tell your partner how hot you feel by proclaiming, “I think I’m going to blow cat chow chunks!” in his or her ear, then during that intense pleasurable finish, feel free to bellow, “Love me, feed me, never leave meeee!” As you two gasp for breath on top of each other, you’ll be left wondering why you haven’t been screaming for lasagna during sex your entire life!

Quotes to kill the mood:

Scientists at the Lab for Pop Culture Cats and Intercourse also found that certain Garfield quotes had the potential to kill the mood completely. While in the heat of romantic lust, avoid using “If you want to look thinner, hang around people fatter than you,” or “Oh no! I’m late for my nap.” Quotes that have been proven to end relationships included, “Good times are ahead! Or behind. Because they sure aren’t here!” and “Show me a good mouser and I’ll show you a cat with bad breath!”