The battle for total corporate domination at SFU Burnaby has claimed another victim: last week, beloved food kiosk Guadalupe Handmade Burritos made an announcement that after a short but illustrious run, they will be packing in their beans, guacamole, and assorted heated sauces. Students now have only three weeks to get their fill of the most delicious burritos and tacos to ever grace the university’s campus.
Guadalupe’s seemingly sudden announcement has left many students feeling confused, sad, and suspicious that this might finally be the sign they’ve been looking for that God doesn’t really exist. A petition has already begun circulating the Internet, with over 10,000 signatures amassed as of July 12.
Criminology major and burrito addict Lindsey Cho, a regular at Guadalupe, told The Peak she is fearful for her mental stability after this unexpected revelation: “This can’t be happening. Every time I go to grab some food there, the line’s 10 people deep. It’s always buzzing with customers. Now how am I supposed to get my fix? I’m going to be burrito-tweaking hard by Friday.”
As it turns out, Guadalupe’s closure has nothing to do with a lack of lucrative earnings; the now-former owner of the food stand confided in The Peak that the closure was due to politics and competition from a well-known rival company.
“Not a lot of people know this, but we secured the lease shortly before Taco Bell was supposed to,” said the source. “They were pissed about it. They had plans to open up in the Ladle’s previous location. However, they were threatened by our success and comparatively better product.
“It wasn’t an easy decision to make — given our success and the wonderful staff I have — but at the end of the day, it wasn’t just about the money. It was about a lot of money. I mean, not only can I pay off my mortgage now, but I have enough money for a boat or maybe two. Straight-up pimp daddy of the seas, thanks to Taco Bell.”
Guadalupe will soon share the same fate as Himalayan Peak and the Cornerstone branch of Renaissance Cafe — a shift that has many students theorizing the fate of other independent establishments on campus. Dean McClees, an economics professor at SFU, suggested to The Peak that the closures might be far from over.
“Himalayan Peak, the Renaissance by the upper bus loop, and now the popular student food destination Guadalupe. It’s an unsettling trend with foreboding notions for the food landscape at SFU Burnaby. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the Highland Pub was turned into a McDonald’s somewhere down the line. On the bright side, given the space they would have to work with, the PlayPlace would be epic.”
Coincidentally, McDonald’s is indeed scheduled to replace The Ladle in September 2015, still occupying the left portion of the front of Higher Grounds coffee.
Taco Bell is set to take over Guadalupe’s space before fall semester begins, meaning students should start mentally preparing themselves now for the unsatisfying and mediocres flavours they will soon be choosing to consume. Patrons are also being advised to cry on their orders to make them more edible, potentially diluting any unsavory notes the chemically injected ingredients will undoubtedly have.
On Friday July 31, Guadalupe’s will serve its last chicken stuffed pinto bean-filled mouth-watering Free Runner, capping off its righteous and drool-inducing run in the pantheon of SFU food stops. Editors of The Peak newspaper will be holding a candlelight vigil in memoriam of this sad event. All SFU students, staff, and faculty are welcome to attend.
