December: You must really hate Christmas — and happiness in general. Did you even get a chance to look at the tree before you tore it down?
January: The holidays are a busy time for everyone, so makes sense that you wouldn’t get around to taking your tree down until January. You’re only human.
February: Either you’ve just awoken from a two-month coma or you really need to work on your time management skills. There’s nothing festive about spruce needles on the living room floor in February.
March: Really? I guess trees are green and so it’d be appropriate for St. Patrick’s Day — except there’s no way anyone’s tree is still alive at this point. It doesn’t even seem safe to have a tree in your house for this long. Just toss it and be done with it.
April: April showers bring roommate glowers, am I right? But seriously, there’s no plausible reason why anyone would still have their tree up in April. You’re lying.
May: Is this part of a bet or something? What are you trying to prove? That you can keep a decaying tree in the house longer than anyone else can? Better get Guinness World Records on the phone because we have a winner for them.
June: Good work! It’s been six months since the last Christmas so the next one’s only six months away; your tree can only become more relevant from here on. You’ve successfully crossed the threshold from being slobbish to overly eager. Congratulations, weirdo.
