Go back

Study: Depression affects 10 out of 10 worthless people

A new study from a group of self-proclaimed “failure” scientists has found that 10 out of 10 waste of space human beings suffer from some sort of mental depression. This data was collected after a 12-year study in which all of these same scientists were the test subjects.

While they have not been able to explain why depression seems to be so common among so-called “pieces of trash excuses for humanity,” the scientists did say that information could probably be found by researchers who weren’t “utterly hopeless.” They also stated that decent scientists could’ve come to this conclusion after only a few hours instead of 12 years and that they should probably just go to bed and stop trying to do science. 

Was this article helpful?
0
0

Leave a Reply

Block title

SFU debuts virtual reality for snow days

By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer At SFU, a movement years in the making, built on generations of student advocacy, has finally paid off. Well . . . sort of. The university recently unveiled the new campus gondola. Only, it doesn’t exist in the physical realm. SFU’s cable car debuted as part of the school’s new virtual reality snow day package, complete with an immersive ride up the mountain to campus. “As you know, sometimes the buses just can’t make it up the mountain,” president Joy Johnson, currently serving her sixth consecutive term in hologram form, told The Beep. “But we wanted to find another way to provide our students with that on-campus experience that they so value. So we figured, why not go ahead and do...

Read Next

Block title

SFU debuts virtual reality for snow days

By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer At SFU, a movement years in the making, built on generations of student advocacy, has finally paid off. Well . . . sort of. The university recently unveiled the new campus gondola. Only, it doesn’t exist in the physical realm. SFU’s cable car debuted as part of the school’s new virtual reality snow day package, complete with an immersive ride up the mountain to campus. “As you know, sometimes the buses just can’t make it up the mountain,” president Joy Johnson, currently serving her sixth consecutive term in hologram form, told The Beep. “But we wanted to find another way to provide our students with that on-campus experience that they so value. So we figured, why not go ahead and do...

Block title

SFU debuts virtual reality for snow days

By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer At SFU, a movement years in the making, built on generations of student advocacy, has finally paid off. Well . . . sort of. The university recently unveiled the new campus gondola. Only, it doesn’t exist in the physical realm. SFU’s cable car debuted as part of the school’s new virtual reality snow day package, complete with an immersive ride up the mountain to campus. “As you know, sometimes the buses just can’t make it up the mountain,” president Joy Johnson, currently serving her sixth consecutive term in hologram form, told The Beep. “But we wanted to find another way to provide our students with that on-campus experience that they so value. So we figured, why not go ahead and do...