A new study from a group of self-proclaimed “failure” scientists has found that 10 out of 10 waste of space human beings suffer from some sort of mental depression. This data was collected after a 12-year study in which all of these same scientists were the test subjects.

While they have not been able to explain why depression seems to be so common among so-called “pieces of trash excuses for humanity,” the scientists did say that information could probably be found by researchers who weren’t “utterly hopeless.” They also stated that decent scientists could’ve come to this conclusion after only a few hours instead of 12 years and that they should probably just go to bed and stop trying to do science.