Top Humour
Top Ten reasons I’m still not over March 2020 even though March 2021 is here
March 1, 2021By: Dev Petrovic, Staff Writer Things have just progressively gotten worse One day, it’s just another day in a pandemic where I’m questioning how many Goldfish crackers I’ve eaten in the past week. Next, an ugly dictator is staging a violent coup. What happens tomorrow? A TikTok trend where teenagers get high on nutmeg? An army of disillusioned right-wing extremists protesting over having to wear a piece of cloth over their faces? I run out of Goldfish crackers? The suspense continues every day. 2. I have not been laid in God knows how long When “WAP” came out, that was…
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Your weekly Shrekly Horoscopes: February 22–28
February 22, 2021By: Charlotte Gravert, SFU Student Happy Chinese New Year! Hardworking ox is jumping in front of the cart to pull us out of the COVID swamp. We asked the stars and swamp expert Shrek for some personalized advice on how…
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Dear cis people…
February 15, 2021By: Madeleine Chan, Carter Hemion, and Dev Petrovic By Madeleine Dear cis people, I think we need to have a talk. I’m so glad that you’re comfortable enough in your gender identity that you have the desire to express its…
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SFU x UBC: a forbidden love
February 11, 2021By: Alex Masse, Staff Writer Vancouver’s January air struck through the bones, the same as always. That is to say, it was cold, but if you expressed this to anyone outside the Lower Mainland, they’d laugh at you. She pulled…
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SFU-inspired cocktails to drown your university-related sorrows
February 1, 2021By: Kyla Dowling, Staff Writer CW: Mentions of blood, mental health The Midterm Season An iced-coffee inspired cocktail that is basically a $9 Starbucks drink with pizazz AKA an illegal amount of caffeine Ingredients: A handful of caffeine pills, crushed…
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Pets unionize, annoyed with owners using them as compensation for a lack of online personality
January 24, 2021By: Juztin Bello, SFU Alumnus Vancouver, BC — Following an influx of complaints from household pets regarding inaccurate quoting for captions on Instagram, zero compensation for modelling, and providing non-consensual emotional support, these animals are biting back against their owners…
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Canadian government announces 2021 stimulus of a $10 Steam card and some foil balloons
January 9, 2021By: Alex Masse, Staff Writer The Canadian government held a press event today to discuss their new 2021 COVID-19 relief effort. A representative announced that the follow-up to their hefty $500 stimulus for single individuals living through eight months of…
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“I can’t wait for this year to end!” says student who thinks the pandemic will randomly stop because of an arbitrary date
November 29, 2020By: Kyla Dowling, Peak Associate In a few brief weeks, it will be 2021, and we all know what that means. The minute the clock strikes midnight on New Years’ Eve — but like, specifically midnight where I am because…
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“I understand these are trying times,” says the professor making the times trying
November 9, 2020By: Kyla Dowling, Peak Associate Subject Line: Paper now due Tuesday From: [email protected] To: AHH 101 (All Sections) Date: November 5, 3:33 a.m. Students, Many of you have asked for an extension on the 14-page organometallic chemistry paper due on…
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The case of the missing EIC
November 4, 2020By: Paige Riding and Sara Wong It was a dark and stormy night . . . no, no clichés here. This is just a public roast of our boss and us getting away with it — although, our story does…
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