Tiffannee

PR-lady from athletics department holds mandatory teach-in on why football is problematic

By: An unsuspecting student I was walking to the bus loop after a long day of classes when a shadowy pink and yellow figure suddenly appeared out of nowhere. A bag was then shoved over my head and my hands were zip-tied together. All I could smell was Chanel No. 10 Eau de Toxique Florale Gaz — don’t ask me how I know. The next thing I knew, I felt myself being pulled in all directions and down endless steps before finally coming to a stop. I heard a door creak open eerily. Someone then grabbed my shoulders and plopped…

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