By: Abbey Perley, Assistant Production Editor Aries March 21–April 19 Tangerine matcha latte Aries, tangerines may be as bright as you, but the novelty is getting a little out of hand. When was the last time you even ate a tangerine? This combination is what you thought could kickstart your summer, but all it will really do is stoke the thrill of being a trailblazer. At least you’ll know you’re meeting your Vitamin C intake. The stars are taking bets on if you’ll gatekeep this or make a TikTok about it (or both, somehow, for social validation). Taurus April 20–May…
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By: Poopabella Fudgerton, Quiz Master We already know that raccoons rule our campus — they roam the halls, guard the parking lots, and wait for the perfect opportunity to give you the jumpscare of your life (all while looking adorable).…
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By: Veronica Richards, SFU student On a snowy mountain, about 366 metres above sea level, a fascinating creature can be found. We’ve staked out the Burnaby Mountain campus of SFU for hours, bearing the frosty winds and refilling our narrator’s…
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By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Writer The question of “what do I do with my life?” seems to occupy the psyche of many people. Which isn’t odd considering the relevance of existential questions and their resulting answers on shaping the trajectories…
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By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Diva I just got back from a date, and . . . wow. There might be a lot of fish in the sea, but damn, the sea is POLLUTED. This guy was a nightmare! He picked…
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By: Akashdeep Dhaliwal, SFU Student So here’s when it all started. In September of my first year, I walked into an SFU men’s washroom for the very first time. As I was walking towards the only available urinal, I saw…
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By: Matthew Cullings, SFU Student [Verse 1: SFU student] Her name was Joy Johnson, Spent SFU’s money without precaution, While every elevator on the mountain was stoppin’, That’s OK, she’s was online shoppin’. This is her playhouse, We’re just all…
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By: Heidi Kwok, asbestos tenant advocate Over the summer, SFU’s asbestos community was served a notice to vacate the fifth floor of the W.A.C. Bennett Library on the Burnaby campus. This eviction coincides with the reopening of the floor on…
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By: The Humour Investigator As I sat at my cubicle in The Peak office, all I could think about was what I used to be. When I was a News Writer, I investigated crime on campus . . . and…
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By: Heidi Kwok, Staff Writer The rules are simple. Every time you see something on this chart during the first week of classes, mark it off! If you get a blackout, you win! And if you win, you get a…
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