HUMOUR
International studies student drops out because he only knows the names of countries he’s vacationed in
September 25, 2019Written by Ben McGuinness, Peak Associate SFU international studies (IS) student Blake Farther dropped out of his program as the latest victim of a common downfall: he can only name countries that he has vacationed in. Like many students of the best breeding, Farther was shown the wonders of the world from a young age by his worldly parents. As a child, he saw such exotic places as Disneyland and Hawaiian resorts. During his teen years, he spent two summers in Europe. After graduating, Farther used his humble trust-fund earnings to explore Southeast Asia and South America. Having seen so…
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Student withdraws emotionally from classes, is refunded only 50% of their emotions
September 23, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor After three weeks of struggling to love education, an SFU student withdrew emotionally from all their courses on Friday morning, choosing to not care at all for their academic performance this semester. Unfortunately, due…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 23–29
September 23, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Your superiority complex is in full blossom. And you need to manifest it. Irritate your sketchiest, most unstable friend until they lop off your head and impale it on…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 16 – 22
September 16, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Your reputation of blood, guts, and rage follows you everywhere. What you need this week is a publicity stunt to change your image. Head off to the fire pits in…
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Devil attends his first ever history seminar, tearfully thanks students who advocated for him
September 16, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Decades of SFU student activism have finally paid off, it seems. Last Monday, a HIST 466 seminar welcomed a very special new student: the Devil himself. Ever since Lucifer’s original fall from Heaven, the…
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Most popular couple in grade 12 shockingly breaks up on third week of university
September 15, 2019Written by Gabrielle McLaren, Editor-in-Chief BURNABY, BC — To the absolute shock of their community, Crystal Lemay and Hunter O’Brian, the hottest couple in the 2019 graduating class from Coquitlam’s John Green Secondary School, broke up against all odds three…
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Meet Alex Mac-Queen: How a local hypebeast paid his tuition by reselling Balenciaga sweaters
September 15, 2019Written by Kayli Jamieson, SFU Student The resell game among SFU students has always been quite strong in the textbook department. But who could anticipate the winning strategy of selling bougie clothing pieces from one’s closet to pay off tuition? …
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 9–15
September 9, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries Falling asleep on Burnaby Mountain is risky this week. You might find yourself sleepwalking across campus while dreaming of Build SFU manager Clark von Taine. Right when he faux-affably giggles at your incredulity…
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Wobbly step to lower bus loop victimizes 12 first years and counting
September 8, 2019Written by Jennifer Low, Peak Associate Yet another student is in critical condition after trying to take the stairs to the lower bus loop at SFU’s ugliest campus Friday morning. According to Campus Public Safety, the incident took place at…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]