HUMOUR
What happens if the “Local Women in Your Area!” actually find you?
October 26, 2020By: Alex Masse, Peak Associate Would you spend a devastating seven more bucks a month on a new streaming service for a show unavailable on Netflix, or do you risk some harmless little malware and maybe a housecall from the FBI on a pirating site? I know my pick. If you’ve been to these sites, you’ve inevitably seen the ads that say, “Local Women in Your Area can’t wait to meet you!” They feature busty women with hungry grins who promise a good time — and they’re just a quick credit card entry away. When I started episode one of…
Continue reading
Rich man suddenly learns about climate change when silk-encased pillow is too hot
October 20, 2020By: Serena Bains, Staff Writer I woke up this morning beside my $800 Dyson Pure Cool Air Purifier and above my heated floors to utter, complete, absolute, outright disaster. My bed was too hot for my toesies. To my horror,…
Continue reading
Fiancés upset they can’t hold big wedding that would have ended in divorce six months later
October 20, 2020By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor SURREY, BC — After moving out from the rock they were living under, a couple is devastated to learn that a pandemic would be preventing them from hosting their planned 500-person wedding this fall. In…
Continue reading
My first sexual awakening
October 19, 2020By: Going Through Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes, One Hexed Girl, and Parawhore David Bowie (by Going Through Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes) While most know David Bowie as the lightning bolt face guy or “singing something about an alien named Tom or whatever the hell,” his role…
Continue reading
U.S. presidential debate formats that would have gone better than what happened on September 29
October 18, 2020By: Kyla Dowling, SFU Student I know what you’re thinking: what the flag-thumping-fuck was that Trump-Biden debate? There’s nothing worse than chugging tequila thinking “oh, this might be easier to sit through if I make it a drinking game,” only…
Continue reading
Among Us is amongst the most relatable games for SFU students
October 12, 2020By: Kyla Dowling, SFU Student If online school taught me anything (not that I’m too sure it has) it’s how to be antisocial and how to procrastinate. What better way to utilize both these life skills than with Among Us,…
Continue reading
A fevered conversation between a student and professor at 2:37 a.m.
October 12, 2020By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor 11:42 p.m. hi Dr Gawner, my name is Lindsay Haugh. i am in your psyc 388 class. I will be honest, I started the paper due tonight a few hours ago and i do not…
Continue reading
My Duo: the Duolingo Owl Horror Story
October 11, 2020By: Emma Jean, Staff Writer It was just after 10 o’clock. I’d finally submitted my essay on Canvas, and my burning eyes demanded I close my laptop for the night. Instead, of course, I unlocked my phone. Amongst emails, notifications,…
Continue reading
What lies beyond the mysterious AQ ice cream machines?
October 10, 2020By: Zedd Strangelove, SFU Student There I was on a rare sunny fall day — socks up to my knees, Chucks on my feet, and a moustache thick enough to make Tom Selleck question his masculinity. My shorts were especially…
Continue reading
Student accidentally failing class they didn’t even know they were enrolled in
October 10, 2020By: Devana Petrovic, Staff Writer SFU student and film major, Khan Fuzon, recently came forward with a complaint to SFU administration regarding a course mix-up. According to Fuzon, after the university accidentally enrolled several students in PSYC 241, he, against…
Continue reading
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]