HUMOUR
The Peak makes record-breaking sales after adding 43 variants of their editions, including the ultra-fan-favourite: Rare glitter edition
December 19, 2025Why read the news when you could collect it? The Peak is coming off the press with 43 new variants of next week’s edition, and you could get your hands on an exclusive version. Don’t worry, the content is the same, but everyone knows that how it looks on your display shelf is what matters most. Check out our “ALL CAPS,” splurge on BOLD, or maybe our italic version, and so many more. Rumour has it, a secret 🕈︎♓︎■︎♑︎♎︎♓︎■︎♑︎’⬧︎ (Wingdings’) version is hidden in The Peak’s office (luckily, a video tutorial exists so you don’t accidentally walk into a jazz…
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I give a guy a chance . . . and look what happened
December 19, 2025I just got back from a date, and . . . wow. There might be a lot of fish in the sea, but damn, the sea is POLLUTED. This guy was a nightmare! He picked me up, and girl, he…
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How long will Carney’s government last? We asked a tea leaf reader
December 19, 2025How long will this government survive? Read on to find out! Remember to follow my TikTok for exclusive digital palm reading. Hiiii, lovelies! Welcome back to my Federal Future Forecast Series, where I ask Spirit to guide us on matters…
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Horoscopes are back
December 18, 2025Aries (March 21–April 19) Go lay in grandma’s lap, tough guy. You deserve it. If you don’t have a grandma, any scruffy-looking dog will do. It’s gotta be scruffy, though. Taurus (April 20–May 20) Stars are aligning in a way…
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Starbucks CEO addresses store closures and layoffs
December 18, 2025Subject: Brewing Change Together: A message from the heart of your dear CEO Dear Starbucks Partners (and soon to be “former partners” — semantics, really), I hope this message finds you well, or at least six blonde shots deep to…
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SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague
December 8, 2025The following is a satirical and fictional commentary. Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to…
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SCARY STORIES: Vampire spotted at the Bennett Library
November 11, 2025It all went down before a history midterm, on the sixth floor of the library. I was going over my notes, double-fisting two coffees and an energy drink, when I felt a cold gust of wind . . . sending…
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BEEDIE BRO: Ghosts, goblins, ghouls, and great investment opportunities
November 11, 2025Yes, I still go trick-or-treating, just not for the candy. What a lot of people without the Beedie mindset don’t realize is that Halloween is the perfect networking opportunity. See, while everyone else is going door to door picking up…
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I HATE YOU. UNSINCERLY, YOUR LAPTOP’S KEYBOARD
November 11, 2025Every day, I curse that I was born as a plebeian laptop keyboard! If only I could’ve been a bougie mechanical with 18 different components and satisfying clicky sounds . . . (click, click, click). Instead, I’m stuck with YOU.…
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The Convocation Games
November 11, 2025The day the reaping email arrived, the clouds over Burnaby brooded deeper than usual. A message was broadcast to every graduating student from the registrar’s office: “Each graduate shall receive two tickets for the ceremony. For additional seats, please refer…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]