Horoscopes
Horoscopes: June 30th
EIC July 30, 2012Aries (March 21 – April 20) Scorpions! Scorpions everywhere! In your shoes, in your mout — Oh wait, sorry that’s this week’s Horrorscope. My mistake. Taurus (April 21 – May 21) This week’s winning Taurus is Kathleen Mayweather of Akron, Iowa. Your $20 TGI-Fridays gift certificate is in the mail. Gemini (May 22 – June 21) This week someone will accidentally buttdial you. It will be the most meaningful conversation you’ve had in years. Cancer (June 22 – July 22) What a coincidence, your sign is cancer too! Leo (July 23 – August 22) It’s finally time to stop lying…
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Horoscopes: July 23rd
EIC July 23, 2012Aries (March 21 – April 20) Good news! This week you can expect your baleen to absolutely overflow with krill. (Note: This week’s horoscope only applies to grey whales) Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Like the bull, this week…
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Horoscopes: June 11th
EIC June 11, 2012Aries (March 21 – April 20) The stars have no idea where those 10 bucks went? What you do mean you don’t believe them? Are you calling the stars a liar? Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Sometimes death…
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