Fake News
This article is about a man who only read the headlines of articles
June 18, 2012By Brad McLeod BURNABY — A local man believes that he is just as well informed and educated as any full newspaper reader by simply reading the headlines. Joe Rubin, a self-described intellectual, is certain that he is as much “in-the-know” as anyone else by only reading a very small per cent of a periodical’s content. “I find the bulk of newspapers is just filler and doesn’t really add anything to one’s understanding,” commented Rubin. “It’s usually just filled with some dumb quote from somebody who doesn’t really have anything to say, but they publish every single insufferable word, and…
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Campus Shorts: June 11th
June 11, 2012Breakthrough in time travel SFU professor Henrik Lieberman, an associate professor in the faculty of theoretical physics, made his way into the history books quite literally last week when he successfully sent several cesium atoms 3.8 milliseconds into the past.…
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Graduands look forward to receiving well-paying, satisfying jobs after graduating
June 11, 2012By Gary Lim BURNABY — Triumphant cheers and graduation caps flew through the air last Friday as the final graduating class of summer 2012 completed their convocation ceremony. The Peak spoke with Valerie Burkhart, a recent communications graduate. “[laughs] It’s…
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SFU installs new silent fire alarms
June 4, 2012By Brad McLeod BURNABY— In what will certainly be described as alarming (No. —Ed) news, Simon Fraser University made history this week with the installation of a bold new technological development, the world’s first totally silent fire alarms. The new…
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News Beat: June 4th
June 4, 2012People who say “YOLO” will soon be put to death A new bylaw proposed by conservative MP Shelly Parsons was passed in Parliament last Thursday. The bylaw evokes a three-strikes policy in which people caught using the term “YOLO” in…
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Heathy, able-bodied woman refused to give up bus seat to man in wheelchair
May 21, 2012By Brad McLeod SEATTLE— A Seattle woman has been arrested today for disregarding national and state law when she refused to give up her priority front-row bus seat to a man in a wheelchair. Jane Cartwright, a 40-year-old activist from…
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News Beat: May 21st
May 21, 2012Facebook terrorist cell hi-jacks profile page At approximately 1300 hours this afternoon, the sovereign state of one Annie Helgusson’s profile page was viciously and ruthlessly attacked by a rogue cell of Facebook terrorists. The attack occurred on the outskirts of…
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Researchers find Tylenol to be gateway to prescription drug addiction
May 14, 2012By Brad McLeod According to a recent study conducted by the University of Arizona, a common household medicine has been conclusively linked to the majority of prescription medication addictions in America. Tylenol, well known for its ability to temporarily…
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Single woman held hostage by group of cats
May 6, 2012By Brad McLeod Cat fancier VANCOUVER — A local woman in her mid-forties who has been in-between jobs and out of a relationship for over 15 months has reportedly been kidnapped by a group of domesticated house cats. According to…
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Campus Update: May 6th
May 6, 2012Three-legged pitbull adorably mauls mail carrier Gnarles Bark-ley, a precocious three-legged pit bull, was taken away by the SPCA last Thursday after violently mauling postal worker Kenneth Cole. The Canada Post worker was making his rounds when the rambunctious and…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
Contact us:
[email protected]
