Craig Allan
Top 10 useless superpowers you will get going to SFU
November 25, 2021By: Craig Allan, SFU Student Cracking a watermelon open with your thighs With all the stair climbing and racing across campus to classes, your thighs will develop into trunks of steel! No more dangerous knives and missing fingers at your next picnic . . . Now, there will be misshapen blobs of watermelon innards to share! 2. Finding what you are not looking for You won’t find the bookstore, but you will find a store that sells kitschy merchandise you wouldn’t even find at a Gastown tourist gift shop. You won’t find your classroom, but you will find the long…
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An essay by someone who never read the book
September 13, 2021By: Craig Allan, SFU Student Frankenstein is about the monster Frankenstein who is created by a doctor, also named Frankenstein. Dr. Frankenstein puts together the monster and then shocks it with lightning. Like, a whole lot of lightning, to get…
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SFU announces new eReader to replace textbooks
September 7, 2021By: Craig Allan, SFU student In order to reduce the burden of books on students, SFU will now be requiring the use of e-books for courses. The additional platform for academics to juggle is guaranteed to work smoothly for all…
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Top Ten Simon Fraser University name alternatives
July 19, 2021By: Craig Allan, SFU Student Skunk Forest University We need to come up with a new name for the school’s athletics department anyway, so why not combine the two? Our opponents won’t see us coming because they’ll be totally distracted…
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Top Ten future COVID-19 denier movies
June 24, 2021By: Craig Allan, SFU Student Maskless Saidie Jennings has been in a long term relationship — with her mask. It kept her warm, anonymous, and safe from COVID-19. After reading a Twitter thread about how masks are choking hazards with…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]