confessional
CONFESSIONAL: I “pay it forward” in the drive-thru to gain aura points
July 14, 2025By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Writer Imagine you’re me. A writer, in an age of inflation and AI takeover. Like Charlotte Lucas in Pride and Prejudice, “I’ve no money, and no prospects. I’m already a burden to my parents.” With my permanently low tax bracket, when I want to rizz up a baddie, what do I do? Break the bank? Can’t do that! Ain’t got a bank to break. I’ve gotta rely on my other assets — my supermassive, huge . . . creative mind and my flagrant tendency to break the rules. I can’t be caught stealing, because it’s “illegal…
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Spring semester confessionals
April 6, 2021By: Nancy La, Alex Masse, and Jacob Mattie Attention, adulation, and validation By: Alex Masse The mortifying ordeal of being known, am I right? And through a shoddy, washed-out webcam by a bunch of strangers all at once? Yeah, really not…
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CONFESSIONALS: MPA, ALA . . . I couldn’t tell you the difference
June 25, 2020Written by Devana Petrovic, Staff Writer For much too long, I’ve been a pretender. I’ve fooled everyone — but I can’t smile in silence anymore. No, I am not guilty of identity theft (anymore). Worse: I still can’t figure out the…
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CONFESSIONALS: I finally found myself, and everything I found horrified me
March 31, 2020By: Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor With my $40 trip to Greece abruptly cancelled, I wasn’t going to give up on self-discovery. And that, really, was my downfall. Ever since my brief stint as a volleyball player in middle school, I’ve…
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