Will this be tested? (by Serena Chan)
Seagull Square (by Jill Mandrake)
Pun 2 3 (by Sarah Walker)
The Adventures of Agoraphobia Man: World Defender (by Jacey Gibb)
HUMOUR: Mandatory blinding deemed only feasible option for male scientists
Since the profound and extremely accurate remarks made by Nobel Prize winner Tim Hunt — that having women in the lab always leads to romantic entanglement and females weeping whenever criticised — scientists from around the globe have been working tirelessly to remove this hindrance on scientific progress (women). In a confined space like a laboratory, after all, how is anyone supposed to get any work done around any distractingly sexy women?
Finally, an answer has been found: compulsory blinding for all male scientists.
“It’s a wonder the field even made it this far in the first place,” says biochemist Joel Marshall, the scientist credited for solving the dilemma standing in the way of everyone being even remotely productive. “To be perfectly honest, I’m surprised any work has been done in any branch of science at all. Females are just too damn distractingly sexy. I want to get work done but I just can’t help falling in love with them, which inevitably leads to all of the crying.”
Prior to compulsory blinding, many solutions had been proposed to the sexy women phenomenon. First, several labs tried making hazmat suits part of a mandatory dress code for all female scientists, but this was deemed insufficient. It was also suggested that those same suits be constantly worn by women in everyday situations as well, but this was also seen as counterproductive: a thin layer of fabric cannot stop the male mind from thinking of those pesky females, and suits can be removed, so men remained distracted.
Luckily, in a flash of blinding insight, Marshall saw the answer that males simply need to be blind: “My son, unable to focus on homework, suggested, ‘If only I’d never seen a girl, then maybe I could finally focus.’
“It was at that moment that everything became clear.”
Going forward, Marshall’s (patent pending) technique of blinding aspiring male scientists will become part of orientation for post-secondary science-based faculties across the country. If successful, the program could expand beyond just the sciences and maybe even outside of schools.
“There may be a few minor difficulties with the procedure,” says Ben Schiller, the recently hired on-call blinding doctor for SFU’s Faculty of Science, “but these problems will surely resolve themselves quickly. Some individuals have protested, but this must be done for the progress of the nation. Once men see how much being blind helps them focus, they will be eternally grateful.
“Personally, I can’t wait for my own scheduled blinding.”
With one part of the problem finally resolved, scientists have now turned their attention to figuring out how to prevent women from crying all of the time, though trials so far have been unsuccessful.
Children need more than an app to learn about sex
A new app called “Clementine Wants to Know” is being marketed towards parents as an aid to help teach their children about sex. At first, this seems like a great idea. The sooner kids know about sex the sooner the stigma surrounding open conversations about sex will be over. Win-win for everyone, right?
I don’t think so. By using an app to teach kids about sex as a way to replace “the talk,” parents continue the cycle of conversations regarding sexual taboo.
I will admit that talking to younger children about anything other than toys and cartoons can be uncomfortable. But shouldn’t a parent feel comfortable having an honest conversation with their children about any asked question? Honest questions deserve honest answers, not only as a way to teach children that deception is wrong, but as a way to create more open discussion surrounding difficult topics, including sex.
Although less taboo than it once was, sexual discussion can still be awkward. This is why dialogue is so important; the more something is discussed, the less awkward it becomes — and the sooner these conversations start, the better.
Although an app would teach Jimmy where babies come from, he would not learn how to talk about it.
Why, then, is a parent using an app to teach kids about sex a bad thing? By relying on technology, parents remove their responsibility. Hand little Jimmy an iPad and say, “here you go, son.” Although Jimmy will learn where babies come from, he will not learn how to talk about it. A parental conversation also allows an opportunity for Jimmy to ask questions that he felt the app may have not answered well enough.
While using technology or other resources can be beneficial for one’s learning, it needs to be used as a tool to propel the conversation and not to replace it. We don’t need to giggle nervously each time we say “penis or “vagina.” The only way to become comfortable with these words is if we use them repeatedly in a serious context. If using an app helps remove some of the awkward feelings that a child has about using these words then that is fine, but it should also be used to encourage parents to be more comfortable in using these words as well.
Using an app as a tool to assist parents in talking to and teaching children about sex is a great idea. By removing the ‘game’ element from the app, and turning it into an interactive book that requires parental participation (perhaps through having to enter a passcode or using the built in fingerprint scanner), the advantages that come from using technology to learn can be harnessed, while still encouraging parents to have the actual conversation about sex.
If you are or will one day be a parent, make the commitment to use your words, not your phone. Talk to your kids and encourage them to talk to you, and you’ll create healthy, open relationship.
TAs to withhold grades
SFU’s Teaching Support Staff Union (TSSU) has decided to escalate job action by withholding numerical and letter grades from their students.
This is the second escalation since March, when 92 per cent of union members voted in favour of the strike.
The first action included an overtime ban for the foreign language instructors at Harbour Centre, taking three to five minutes out of a tutorial to update their students on the bargaining process, and stickering student assignments with the TSSU logo and a message that said “marked” or “taught” by a TSSU member.
George Temple, spokesperson for the TSSU, explained, “We’ll still be teaching and marking work as normal, we just won’t be providing any number or letter grades on any assignments and we won’t be [entering] grades into any SFU systems. This way, it’s the least disruption to students.”
The secondary escalation was initiated after the TSSU received no response to a letter sent to the SFU administration on June 10. The letter outlined four bargaining demands with a deadline of June 16. As a result, the TSSU cancelled the bargaining session that was scheduled for June 17 and moved to escalate job action on June 19.
According to a press release issued by the TSSU on June 17, SFU administration has “instructed TSSU members to break their strike.”
TSSU Chief Steward Reagan Belan stated in the press release, “Instead of bargaining meaningfully on our core issues, SFU Administration has directed our members to hand in grads in direct contravention of our legal strike action.”
SFU issued a statement to The Peak, expressing how administration was “very surprised at these threats, given the positive progress made at the last meeting on June 3, and the potentially significant negative affect this would have on the TSSU’s own membership.”
The statement explained, “We believe the Union’s course of action contravenes the Labour Relations Code and constitutes a failure to bargain in good faith and have asked leadership to reconsider their position.”
The first of the four main bargaining demands made in the TSSU’s June 10 letter to the administration was for the addition of “a member of Senior Administration to their bargaining committee with the authority to conclude an agreement.”
TSSU Chair Derek Sahota said that, “When SFU sent a Senior Administrator to the table in 2012, we signed a contract within 48 hours.”
SFU’s statement explained that the demands made by the TSSU are not enough to halt the bargaining process under the Labour Relations Code.
On June 16, the Graduate Students Society (GSS) issued a letter to President Andrew Petter, indicating their support for the TSSU and concern over the lack of “meaningful dialogue on major issues.” The letter urged the administration to “negotiate more productively with the TSSU.”
The TSSU identified three of the four concerns raised by the GSS — guaranteeing access to work, merging the TA (teaching assistant) and TM (tutor marker) language in the collective agreement, and paying workers on time — as three of their major concerns. TAs and TMs are currently on two different payscales, although the TSSU argues the jobs have become increasingly similar.
SFU’s statement acknowledged the letter from the GSS, stating, “We understand the GSS recently expressed some concerns around current progress in bargaining. We share these concerns.”
Temple expressed the frustration with the bargaining process, “At this point [. . .] we haven’t even proposed monetary issues, we’re not even discussing — for most of our members — pay and benefit yet. They’ve just refused to bargain with us on language issues.”
The TSSU hopes to reach a collective agreement sooner rather than later. “We know SFU is planning a huge celebration on September 9 of its 50th anniversary,” said Sahota. “It would be a shame if we had to escalate even more before then, maybe even see picket lines on that day. I think that would be a really awful thing, but we do need to get to a contract.”
TSSU bargaining demands made in June 10 letter to SFU admin
1. “Add a member of Senior Administration to their bargaining committee with the authority to conclude an agreement.”
SFU and the TSSU came to an agreement within 48 hours of VP Academic and Provost Jon Driver joining the bargaining committee in 2012.
2. “Add another faculty member to their committee who has taught in the past three years.”
There is currently only one member of SFU’s bargaining committee who is a teacher, who Temple says has not been able to attend most of the bargaining sessions.
3. “Schedule back-to-back bargaining dates that do not end at 4 p.m.”
Derek Sahota explained, “It’s sort of like a Cinderella experience, where they have to leave at four-o’clock, no matter what is going on.”
4. “Withdraw SFU Administration’s concessionary proposals for Instructors in ELC/ITP.”
There are approximately 30 ELC/ITP employees working at at Harbour Centre. SFU has proposed to decrease their benefits and seniority due to unexplained budget cuts.
The importance of self-care
As I have a few more days off than I normally would this summer, I’ve been trying to keep every week busy. On one hand, it has been great to reconnect with friends and volunteer, but on the other, it has also been easy to overcommit myself and end up feeling emotionally and physically exhausted on top of my schoolwork and job.
Overloads of stress and exhaustion could eventually lead to burnout, or even depression, which is often common in a high-stress environment like university. However, as it usually starts gradually, there are simple changes one can make in their everyday life to prevent it from getting to this point.
It’s called “self-care.” Having struggled with depression and self-injury in the past, I found this to be a foreign concept. Self-care, defined by Pauline Salvucci, author of Self-Care Now, is “the right and responsibility to take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being,” looks different for each person.
At the time, this practice made me feel shameful because I thought it was selfish, or that I didn’t deserve to be helped. Now, I realize that that was far from the truth. Self-care is more selfless than it is selfish.
As I began learning (ever so slowly) how to care for myself and respect my limits, I saw a difference in my life. I had more energy to do the things I love, attend to my studies and workplace, and more importantly, I was able to help others more efficiently.
As I began learning how to care for myself and respect my limits, I saw a difference in my life.
For example, a couple weeks ago after finishing a 14-hour Mental Health First Aid course, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless in my own ability to help others who were struggling with mental health problems. Sulking in my bed that night, I remembered our instructor’s advice to practice some self-care, and for me, this was going to a birthday party and playing with some babies that night.
Since finishing that course, and practicing self-care on a more regular basis, I have felt more capable in handling a mental health crisis that might occur, and in supporting the teens in the youth group at my church. By setting aside some “me-time” to attend to my social, emotional, spiritual, and physical needs, I have felt stronger, healthier, and more equipped to support someone in their time of need.
Self-care doesn’t have to be done alone. I often misconstrue the phrase “I can take care of myself” into “I can handle it on my own,” when sometimes I just can’t. Having someone to listen to you and support you can be very beneficial, and sometimes I will talk to a friend or counsellor after experiencing something emotionally exhausting. Other times I’ll do some therapeutic activities like painting, laughing, writing poetry, or something more physical like having a good nap, eating well, or exercising.
As you get to know yourself better, you will come to know what types of self-care work best for you. Sometimes, I do just need to cry in my bed, and other times I just need to get out of bed when my only reason for staying in is not wanting to brush my teeth –– which happens more than I’d like to admit.
By practicing self-care, you’ll learn innovative ways to deal with stresses and problems that may arise in your own life, and in return, be better prepared to help that person who may need your support.
Facilities Services addresses accessibility issues
Following the January 26, 2015 incident where blind student Anthony Janolino fell down a set of concrete steps and sustained a concussion, SFU has begun accessibility improvements on campus.
Janolino has since been in touch with SFU Facilities Services. They are currently doing work to improve accessibility at the site of his fall, installing handrails on the staircase near the West Gym and Shell house in order to prevent hazards for the visually impaired.
“It is to prevent anyone from stepping off that edge,” said Frank De Vita, Buildings and Grounds superintendent. The estimated time for completion is not set, but De Vita expects the work to be done in three or four weeks.
“There is an accessibility office on campus that primarily focuses on accessibility issues, and there is an Accessibility Committee where the members sit on and review the accessibility needs with certain amount of funding to make those modifications,” explained De Vita.
According to him, these processes take time and some areas are “not easily modified because of the way [. . . the] university was built over the years.”
Facilities Services is trying to look at more creative ways to solve accessibility problems, says De Vita. Otherwise, it is likely to become costly for the university.
“All this takes some time, but it is up to the Accessibility Committee to prioritize issues. But when issues do come up, the accessibility office does contact us to let us know where the issues are,” said De Vita.
One of the challenges Facilities Services faces when making modifications to the campus is trying to preserve historical value of the buildings and aesthetics of the university.
De Vita explained that the issue of accessibility was not a high priority issue when the university was built in the ‘60s, but they are now striving to resolve accessibility problems.
“Facilities Services is always here to address problems, and the students should feel free to contact us when issues arise,” he stressed.
Sitting on the Simon Fraser Student Society’s (SFSS) Accessibility Fund Advisory Committee and representing Students United for Disability Support (SUDS) on the SFSS council, Janolino is involved in numerous accessibility efforts at SFU.
He added that although this particular concern is being addressed, there are certain accessibility measures that need to be maintained on a regular basis, pointing to how shrubberies on campus require continual trimming to allow adequate clearance around campus walkways.
Janolino also mentioned that while the work being done right now will benefit the visually impaired, there are many other needs to consider when approaching accessibility on SFU’s campuses.
SFU Women’s Centre’s self-defence classes will have to suffice
The word “self-defence” usually evokes images of karate chopping ninjas or intense fight scenes (or maybe I just watch too many action movies). But the sad reality is that self-defence must sometimes be used in the midst of dangerous situations — one in particular being sexual assault.
The SFU Women’s Centre will be offering four weeks of self-defence classes for self-identified women from June 17 to July 8. Their website states that “women attending the self-defence program report an increase in self-confidence, as they gain knowledge of being able to defend themselves against a potential attack, as well as confidence in their own abilities.”
Some may lament that women have to go to such lengths in order to protect themselves from sexual assault, and that time should be spent focusing on teaching men how to treat women with respect. While this is certainly true, it is also easier said than done. Further, this does not make knowledge of self-defence any less valuable.
I had the pleasure of attending the Inter-University Conversation on Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Conference at UBC last April. There, I learned about the rape culture pyramid, in which the physical act of sexual assault was at the top of the pyramid, and factors which made sexual assault okay — such as catcalling, misogyny, and rape jokes — formed the pyramid’s base. For decades, people have been contributing to the acceptance of rape culture. These values stem from deeply-rooted patriarchal norms of traditional male privilege and entitlement.
Learning to treat women with respect does not make knowledge of self-defence any less valuable.
Education and awareness of what causes sexual assault is key to stopping it altogether. Institutions like the University of Victoria have established a Men’s Circle where a group of men gather together to listen to facilitators address issues related to rape culture, while also centering on the experiences of sexual assault survivors.
Initiatives like these are a great start, but this education will take time. And within that timeframe, many will sadly still experience sexual assault.
Making people aware of these norms and values is often a difficult task, as it is a hard pill to swallow; nobody wants to believe that they are perpetuating something that is so awful. It’s not easy for somebody to unlearn the attitudes about rape and sexual assault that have been fed to them for years.
These self-defence classes provide self-identified women with a way to stop being the victim of a patriarchal society, to give them a sense of control amidst people who are constantly telling them what to do, how to act and how they should be treated. Until the day when everybody can be educated about the roots of male privilege and rape culture, these classes are a way to fight back, literally and figuratively, against the forces that allow sexual assault to be possible.
An interview with SFU’s smartest athlete
It turns out you really can have it all. SFU athlete Lorenzo Smith was recently selected for the 2015 Great Northwest Athletic Conference Track and Field Academic All-Conference team for demonstrating outstanding achievement in academics and athletics.
In fact, Smith is the top student among the 163 in the conference with a GPA of 4.21 (yes, you read that correctly). At 21 years old, Smith just finished his third year at SFU while completing a major in Biomedical Physiology in the BPK department.
A Chilliwack native, he has run track since the third grade and now he runs for the SFU Track (800m and 1500m) and Cross Country teams. Smith sat down with The Peak to talk about the key to his success.
The Peak: How did you initially react when you heard about the GNAC Academic All-Conference team?
Lorenzo Smith: It’s great. It’s an honour and it’s exciting. [. . .] Especially since there’s so many of us on the team who are doing well academically, so it’s nice. We have a really balanced team that way.
P: I guess what readers want to know is: what’s your secret?
LS: Well I would say there is no secret formula. I don’t think there’s a secret for me, and I definitely don’t think there’s a cookie cutter secret for everybody else. I think it takes a lot of discipline to do well in school. It takes a lot of hard work learning to balance academics and athletics. I don’t know if I have a secret necessarily.
P: Have there been any sacrifices or compromises you have to make in your life to accommodate both athletics and academics?
LS: Sure, there [are] always sacrifices. I think to be good at something, you have to focus on [it] and sacrifice in other areas. Whether that’s a bit of sleep here and there, which is tough because you gotta rest as an athlete. But sometimes you gotta sacrifice sleep. You gotta sacrifice social time as well. That’s been a big one. [. . .] But I’m trying to be balanced as well.
P: What attracts you to track and field?
LS: It’s a funny sport to like. You get better by working really hard. It’s not always pleasant. I’ve always just loved running [. . .] You’re just constantly pushing. It’s very mental as well. I can’t even tell you why I like it necessarily [laughs]. It’s not even that fun, to be honest, sometimes. [. . .] I just love running. What can I say?
P: Running is a very individual sport, and when you go to training, you’re pretty much only accountable to yourself and that’s similar to studying. How do you find motivation and a support system?
LS: I think, for academics, definitely my family has always really supported me. [. . .] I just want to do the best with the resources I have, the time I have, the abilities I have. I’ve just always been driven to do my best and whatever that looks like I’m okay with.
Track. . . yeah, it’s definitely individual. [. . .] I will say though, even though it’s an individual sport, you have your teammates out there counting on you, your training partners counting on you, and we all kind of keep each other accountable.
P: I know a lot of students get distracted by social media. Do you ever get sucked into that abyss or do you limit yourself?
LS: I definitely limit myself [laughs]. I feel pretty strongly about this actually. I have Facebook but I don’t have Instagram or Twitter or anything. I think that that is a huge obstacle to progress and success. . . kind of all the distractions we face as a generation. And I’m convinced a lot of people might find that if they’re able to put the distractions aside they might have a bit more success in certain areas. But of course I get distracted like everybody else. That’s I think a really important thing though to learn to have that discipline.
P: What are your plans for after you graduate?
LS: I’m not sure yet. I have about two more years. I’ll finish up in about five years. My goal for a very long time now has been med school. [. . .] I’m also considering physiotherapy or research as well but definitely further studies.
P: What interests you about medicine?
LS: Definitely the number one thing that draws me is the ability to just help people. To use your skills and your knowledge is really important, I think. I think having knowledge for the sake of having knowledge is just completely pointless. [. . .] Of course, I love science as well.
P: What do you do to unwind?
LS: [Laughs] A good run. A good run helps me unwind.
I’m a pretty boring person. Even though I don’t listen to “pump-up” music I do love listening to music. I love being with my family, hanging out with my friends, going to the beach, or something like that.
P: Do you have a personal motto or a kind of saying that you live by?
LS: I don’t think I have a single motto that I live by [. . .] No “YOLO.” No “Just Do It.” None of that. I would say, definitely if I have a motto, it would be something biblical. I find a lot of peace and kind of motivation spiritually in the Bible. Definitely there [are] some cool mottos in there, I would say.
Boohoo, Woohoo
Boohoo: Father Time
Father Time, old sport, you need to get off your wrinkly old buttocks and back in the game. You’re the living embodiment of time but you look like you haven’t left the house in centuries. You have Cheetos stains all over your robe and you‘ve developed an unhealthy obsession with The Price is Right. A makeover is definitely in order.
A man of your reputation should not look like a hobo who just raided a Halloween store. Ditch the hourglass, get yourself a new Apple watch, and while you’re at it lose the scythe — you’re a walking liability with that thing at your age. Get yourself down to the barber and clean yourself up.
Ever since Mother Nature left you for the pool boy, you’ve been understandably glum. But that should not become a reason for you to let yourself go. No pun intended, but you need to make up for lost time.
Woohoo: Fathers
Your father may not have gone through the agony of childbirth, but give the man some credit. It’s because of his expert marksmanship that you’re even alive. It was a shot in the dark bringing you into the world (in more ways than one). The least you can do is take a minute to consider all the great things he’s done for you over the years.
When Mom was out of the house, who let you watch R-rated action movies with Arnold Schwarzenegger? When a healthy meal was absolutely out of the question, who opted for fast food instead? Hands down, every time, it was your Dad who made it happen!
