Boohoo: Father Time
Father Time, old sport, you need to get off your wrinkly old buttocks and back in the game. You’re the living embodiment of time but you look like you haven’t left the house in centuries. You have Cheetos stains all over your robe and you‘ve developed an unhealthy obsession with The Price is Right. A makeover is definitely in order.
A man of your reputation should not look like a hobo who just raided a Halloween store. Ditch the hourglass, get yourself a new Apple watch, and while you’re at it lose the scythe — you’re a walking liability with that thing at your age. Get yourself down to the barber and clean yourself up.
Ever since Mother Nature left you for the pool boy, you’ve been understandably glum. But that should not become a reason for you to let yourself go. No pun intended, but you need to make up for lost time.
Woohoo: Fathers
Your father may not have gone through the agony of childbirth, but give the man some credit. It’s because of his expert marksmanship that you’re even alive. It was a shot in the dark bringing you into the world (in more ways than one). The least you can do is take a minute to consider all the great things he’s done for you over the years.
When Mom was out of the house, who let you watch R-rated action movies with Arnold Schwarzenegger? When a healthy meal was absolutely out of the question, who opted for fast food instead? Hands down, every time, it was your Dad who made it happen!
