Triple O’s Secret Menu Revealed!

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March 30, 2014

You may have heard of the popular Californian burger chain In-N-Out’s “Secret Menu” wherein regular customers order variations on items using cool codewords, but did you know that SFU’s own Triple O’s has one as well? Well it does! While new students may not know about it, SFU’s fast food veterans have long been shaving seconds from their order-times by learning this top-secret item list. We might get in trouble for revealing it but we’re here to serve you, so feel free to order any of these during your next visit! If the cashier looks at you funny, say it again but louder until they listen, that’s all just part of the game!

DOUBLE DOUBLE DOUBLE DOUBLE

One of the more popular secret menu items, the “Double Double Double Double” is a burger with two patties and a Tim Horton’s Double Double coffee in between them.

THE FULL MONTY

“The Full Monty” is simply a Monty Mushroom Burger stripped down to the patty and instead of sliced mushrooms, it has full mushrooms picked from the nearby forest.

QUADRANGLE STYLE

Asking for a burger “Quadrangle Style” means that you want the edges cut off the patty and the bun to be carved into an scale-model replica of the Academic Quadrangle.

EXTRA KETCHUP

This is one of the lesser known secret requests but if you say you want “extra ketchup” and point a gun, the clerk will toss every fifty dollar bill from the register into your bag.

ANIMAL STYLE

While it shares its name with the In-N-Out slang for the addition of pickles, grilled onions and extra spread, at Triple O’s “Animal Style” means your burger will be prepared for you by a raccoon.

Tippy Top Ten: SUB Requests

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EIC

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March 30, 2014

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Here are the Tippy Top Ten Most Ridiculous Student Requests for the New SUB…

10. “Equal water to chocolate fountain ratio”

9. “A beer garden, to grow beer in”

8. “Tennis courts, but no one’s allowed to play on them”

7. “Lettuce, tomatoes, pickles with light mayo”

6. “A lot of Pepsi machines and Pepsi product ads, Pepsi is a great company”

5. “Gender-neutral bath houses”

4. “Free coffee for everyone somehow”

3. “A giant slide, JK, that’s too ridiculous”

2. “Multiple Estonian food options”

1. “Just no EDM please . . . wait, what is this for again?”

Fun in the sun #1

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EIC

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March 30, 2014

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SFPIRG group hosts Pancakes not Pipelines event

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EIC

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March 30, 2014

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The newly launched SFU action group Wild Salmon Creative Action sought to spread environmental activism and awareness last week through a medium everyone could enjoy: pancakes.

The Simon Fraser Public Interest Research Group (SFPIRG) affiliate’s breakfast fundraiser “Pancakes Not Pipelines,” held on March 24, was a collaboration with Nature’s Garden. The Cornerstone cafe has already declared their organic deli farmed salmon free, as has Nester’s Market.

Wild Salmon Creative Action is campaigning to make SFU a farmed salmon free zone — an issue that extends beyond environmental activism to questions of social justice and democracy. Said Mia Nissen of her introduction to environmental activism, “It was like waking up from a naïve slumber.”

Nissen, a member of Wild Salmon Creative Action, went on a seven-day hunger strike last December after hearing of the National Energy Board’s conditional approval of Enbridge’s Northern Gateway pipeline. Shortly after breaking her fast, Nissen attended a Stó:lo First Nation wild salmon ceremony where she was introduced to the wild salmon as a keystone species in terms of ecology, economy and culture.

“It was like waking up from a naïve slumber.”

– Mia Nissen, member of Wild Salmon Creative Action

Nissen admitted that a lot of people are uncomfortable with the term genocide, but said that if oil spills or fish farms compromise the BC coastline, “the people who depend on wild salmon will no longer be able to sustain themselves.” She declared, “If you’re controlling the food supply, you’re controlling the people.”

Wild Salmon Creative Action opposes pipelines and fish farming as threats to wild salmon habitats and migration routes. Nissen cited a risk assessment conducted by SFU that suggested that there is at least a 90 per cent probability of an oil tanker spill if the Northern Gateway pipeline proceeds. Fish farms can be equally devastating to wild salmon populations, says Nissen, as they can create breeding grounds for sea lice and disease.

Nissen said of government compliance with both oil companies and fish farms: “It’s a continuation of exploiting the land and oppressing indigenous people.”

Partial proceeds from the breakfast will go to Unis’tot’en Camp, a First Nations community located in the middle of the proposed Northern Gateway route that refuses to cede their land to the government or private enterprise. This is the site where, Nissen says, if all other forms of resistance fail, protestors will lock arms against the pipeline.

Despite this, Nissen resents the term “radical.” Wild Salmon Creative Action’s ultimate goal is to normalize resistance and make activism accessible to everyone.

“Our group wants to demonstrate that the culture of resistance is not about being an anarchist or about being radical. It’s about identifying social wrong and taking a critical stance,” said Nissen.

She and Wild Salmon Creative Action hope that events such as their pancake breakfast will increase public awareness and encourage all kinds of involvement. “I have tons of optimism,” said Nissen, “otherwise I wouldn’t be doing this.”

Bueckert triumphs and ACE dominates

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EIC

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March 29, 2014

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Out of one of the most heated SFSS elections in recent history, Chardaye Bueckert has emerged as the next president of the SFSS board of directors. Bueckert ran a tight race against ACE slate presidential candidate Brandon Chapman, winning by just 23 votes.

Despite the success of the Move the Mountain’s (MtM) presidential candidate, it was a near landslide victory for ACE; of the 14 total slate members, nine were elected to the 2014/2015 board of directors, giving those candidates a majority on the 16 member-strong board.

Chief executive officer of the Independent Electoral Commission (IEC), Lorenz Yeung, told those in attendance that this election had the lowest voter turnout in a number of years. Of the approximate 25,000 undergraduate students who attend SFU, only 9.44 per cent cast a ballot.

At the beginning of the night, the mood was tense, but jovial, as the candidates moved from the Highland Pub to one of the MBC conference rooms to hear the election results. Said presidential candidate Alexander Morris, who has been the subject of much electoral controversy, “My stomach feels a little upset because I tried to chug a beer with my friend, Adhar [ . . . ] I hope the people have chosen the best president that will represent them.”

Bueckert had similar words for The Peak. “It’s all up to the voters,” she said. “No matter what happens, there’s no getting rid of me. I’m here for another year — [I] got elected to senate — so that part-time student bursary is my goal before I leave SFU.”

“I hope the people have chosen the best president that will represent them.”

– Alexander Morris,

presidential candidate

“I’m just honestly looking forward to it being done,” said Chapman. “There’s been way too much negativity surrounding this election, and I know that no matter what happens next year, I’m hoping whoever gets elected focuses on the positivity because nothing good will come of [being negative].”

Yeung began by announcing the results of the three referendum questions, two of which concerned extensions to the current Health and Dental Plan. Students voted in favour of increasing the plan’s fee to $255 for the enhanced option; students will still be able to opt out of the plan entirely or choose the $198 basic plan. However, students did not vote to grant the SFSS board the power to increase plan fees by a maximum of five per cent in any given year.

The membership voted “overwhelmingly” in favour of recognizing the Society of Arts and Social Sciences as the official faculty student union. Nonetheless, the motion only exceeded its required voter quota by 12 votes.

Of the six candidates who ran for at-large representative positions, Rebecca Langmead (MtM) and Jeremy Pearce (ACE) clinched the two board spots.

For the three contested faculty rep positions, ACE candidates Shadnam Khan for Business and Katie Bell for Education claimed two of the victories. Deepak Sharma triumphed over his two opponents to be named the Science representative.

“Im sad that that few people voted. That really kills me.”

– Chardaye Bueckert,

SFSS president-elect

Unopposed candidates Ben Rogers (MtM) for Applied Sciences, Brady Wallace (ACE) for Arts and Social Sciences, Shirin Escarcha (ACE) for Communication, Art, and Technology, Tesicca Truong (ACE) for Environment, and Ayla Kooner for Health Science were all elected.

As the IEC began to announce the winning executive candidates, a hush fell over the crowd, save for a few dramatic “ooohs.” VP University Relations candidate Moe Kopahi won his fourth consecutive SFSS election by 82 votes over opponents Clay Gray (MtM) and Sarah Flodr (ACE). Incoming VP External Relations Darwin Binesh (ACE) won by a similar margin of 89 votes over Kathleen Yang (MtM).

Kayode Fatoba, who made a splash on social media with his campaign rap, beat out both slates’ candidates and another independent for VP Student Life. ACE VP Student Services candidate Zied Masmoudi won his seat on the board by a wide margin of 370 votes.

Nevertheless, it was the VP Finance position that received the most votes cast of any executive spot. Receiving a total of 1,036 votes, Adam Potvin (ACE) won by 538 over opponent Nomin Gantulga (MtM).

With ACE having claimed nine of the 15 spots, it seemed as though the slate’s momentum would carry them to a presidential win. The crowd gathered around Chapman, while Bueckert stood in the wings surrounded by a few close supporters.

Yeung announced, “The next president of the Simon Fraser Student Society: Chardaye Bueckert.”

A shocked and excited Bueckert told The Peak, “I’m honoured to have won, but I’m sad that that few people voted. That really kills me.”

When Bueckert went to shake opponent Chapman’s hand, Chapman refused, saying, “You played a very dirty game Chardaye. You didn’t deserve this.”

Fellow presidential candidate Morris remarked, “I feel that this reflects a lot of what I thought was going to happen.”

He continued, “Chardaye’s got experience, ACE has experience, so it’s a fantastic transition. I foresee an interesting student government.”

These results are unofficial and will be confirmed on Monday, after they are ratified by the current board of directors.

University Briefs

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EIC

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March 29, 2014

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Student loan data of 583,000 Canadians left unsecured, report finds

A report from the interim privacy commissioner Chantal Bernier has found that a lost hard drive containing the names, social security numbers, and personal information of over 583,000 Canadians who took out student loans from 2000 to 2006 was left unencrypted and without password protection.

This revelation has come out of an investigation launched January, 2013, when Human Resources and Skills Development Canada reported the hard drive to have been missing for two months; an HRSDC employee first discovered that the drive was missing on Nov. 5, 2012. According to Bernier’s findings, the hard drive was kept in an often unlocked filing cabinet in an open cubicle.

Currently, there are three pending lawsuits against the federal government over the breach, despite authorities’ claims that the information was not used for fraudulent purposes.

With files from The Ubyssey

U of T students question validity of student union elections

Some U of T students are questioning the results of the recent University of Toronto Student Union (UTSU) elections. Issue has been taken with the use of ballots that included a withdrawn candidate’s name, the addition of an extra voting day at University of Toronto Mississauga, and an additional polling station at the Davis Building at UTM.

One slate, Team Unite, complained that they had not been informed about the extra polling station added at the Davis Building on the extra day of voting. The opposing slate, U of T Voice, was apparently aware of the addition and encouraged voters via Facebook to head to the polling station. According to a source who prefers to remain anonymous, Voice received more than 90 per cent of votes made at the Davis polling station.

Votes have been recounted six times since the elections. Some members of Team Unite are demanding that UTSU either discount any votes gathered at UTM on March 14, or annul the results of the election and order a new election.

With files from The Varsity

U of M students draw attention to homelessness

Four University of Manitoba Asper school of business students camped outside campus for five days participating in the Canada-wide Five Days for the Homeless (5DH) campaign.

The four campers were joined by many other students who collected donations around campus for Resource Assistance for Youth (RaY), a local non-profit organization. A former beneficiary of RaY’s services visited the U of M on the last night of the campaign to share his own experiences with homelessness.

While the campaign has received much support, some students questioned whether a five day simulation is really an accurate reflection of the plight of homeless youth. Sam Davidson, one of the campers, replied, “This isn’t really to simulate homelessness. It’s to create attention.”

With files from The Manitoban

International brief: Course offered on the sociology of Miley Cyrus

This summer, students at Skidmore College in New York may actually be able to use the word twerk in their papers.

Taught by visiting assistant professor Carolyn Chernoff, the course will examine “The Sociology of Miley Cyrus: Race, Class, Gender and Media.” Chernoff says she’ll focus on the 21-year old performer and all her incarnations as a lens through which to examine gender, race, class, fame and power.

The course will examine topics such as the rise of the Disney Princess, gender stratification and the hyper-commodification of childhood, and what happens to Disney stars as they age.

With files from CBC

To Shave and Shave Not

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EIC

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March 28, 2014

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To my Ex-Beard,

I’m not sure how to begin. We had a fabulous four months together, I want you to know that — but I won’t beat around the bush. While I miss you, I simply can’t be with you anymore.

Maybe I’m too impatient. I get bored too easily. With you on my face, my appearance just isn’t malleable enough. I need to be able to grow short, sculptable scruff for sideburns, chin-straps, or cleft tufts to keep myself entertained. And I like being able to clean up quickly, in case of an emergency job interview or the like.

I guess I don’t know why I feel you make me appear unkempt. It’s almost like a beard grown simply for style, not for religion or necessity, is an excuse for laziness. And, no doubt, I would get lazy. With you, I often wouldn’t trim for days; I’d have a mess of random hairs extruding perpendicular from my face, making acquaintances, friends, or onlookers say with their words (or their stares): there goes an apathetic man.

But a beard signifies more than laziness, to say the least. It signifies devotion. It can show respect to our bodies, respect enough to not destroy anything which comes from us — including the hairs we grow. My body became a temple. A hairy, prickly temple.

Of course, my reasons for growing you were less than divine or religious, but I respected the high maintenance you required. You gave me an entirely new body of hair to condition, brush, crimp, and occasionally braid, to keep myself looking, on better days, like more than just a mountain man. I was Ernest Hemingway, Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin, all rolled into one unkempt undergrad.

Beard, I will miss the comments that I received because of you, that were surely meant for you alone, but that I accepted as my own. I will miss the nicknames, the “nice beard, man!” refrains, the pats on the back from fellow scruffy gentlemen (and occasional ladies). Sometimes, I felt a part of something bigger than myself — and that was all because of you.

But was it just sarcasm? You were patchy! You were weak at the cheeks! You grew unevenly and tangled about my visage!

I’m . . . sorry. That’s unfair. I can be patchy, too. And there’s no reason why a beard has to have the same surfeit as Justin Vernon’s or Doug Martsch’s to be legitimate. I admit that I sometimes expected too much from you, and for that, I only have myself to blame.

Maybe I’m really trying to work through why a beard grown purely for style is always viewed as ironic. Beards were once surely grown out of necessity, for warmth. The beard’s current shape on the human, though, appearing almost solely on the lower region of the face, suggests that it has evolved for style — scruff chic. Much like a finch’s feathers, or a butterfly’s wings.

Is this why beards are funny? Do they poke fun at the silly simplicity of attraction? Are they a reminder of the fact that we humans are just animals — and that the concept of being a human is merely a play we put on for each other in an attempt to combat the inevitability of death?

Perhaps an ironic beard is a reminder of the condition of humans striving to understand that which never can be known. Socrates, one of the first and foremost historical beardos, once said “I know that I know nothing” — was his beard a reflection of this paradox?

But I digress. Regardless of any one specific meaning, it seems that a beard is a means to think through what it means to be human.

So why, you might ask, did I bid you adieu? Maybe I’m just tired of my own vanity, of counting the stares and the comments. Maybe desiring that attention became too much a part of my identity.

But having a beard was always something beyond my ego — it was about becoming a part of human history and connecting with every beard in the past, present, and future. It was supposed to be about understanding the human condition, about finding common ground with my fellow human beings.

Maybe I’m just not ready for that kind of responsibility yet.

Let’s not say goodbye. I think of you often. Every time my fingers unconsciously search for you in a moment of deep contemplation only to be met by the stubble scratching my fingers like sandpaper, I’m reminded of you.

I miss you, Beard. And I almost find comfort in that longing, in the empty five o’clock shadow you left in your wake — because I know you’re still with me. And you always will be. But I simply can’t live with you any longer.

Yours truly,

Joel MacKenzie
Former SFU Beard Club Founder and President

You can watch a video of Joel’s scruffy love affair here.

Passions aren’t gendered

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EIC

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March 28, 2014

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As it says in my byline above, I write about sports. And to do so well, to know what the hell I’m talking about, I watch a lot of sports. Maybe too much. I care about sports. If everyone has a “thing,” sports are mine. I think we can all agree that that’s a normal thing for a guy to be into, especially one in his early 20’s.

Ballet, however, is not. I would know; I was a ballet dancer for a large portion of my life, and I’ll be damned if I wasn’t pretty good at it. That’s no secret — there are pictures on Facebook of me during my time with the Royal Winnipeg Ballet — but it’s hardly something I broadcast. Not because I’m embarrassed, but because it’s such a big deal to so many people.

A girl I dated wouldn’t let me bring it up because it wasn’t manly enough. An editor from The Peak from a few generations ago couldn’t believe I was a ballet dancer because I “write about football and stuff,” as if the two were mutually exclusive. As if one was “less straight” than the other.

You can think of me and other male dancers how you will; I’ve been called a “faggot,” enough to not care anymore. But keep your gender roles out of my sports, please and thank you.

Sports, especially team sports, have been defined by their masculinity for so long. How often do you hear “it’s a man’s game” being thrown around during a football broadcast? And then, when one of those football players comes out as gay, there are questions of his masculinity, despite his talent.

University of Missouri star Michael Sam announced to the world that he is gay three months before he was scheduled to enter the NFL Draft. CBS Sports had Sam, fresh off being named a first-team All-American and his conference’s Co-Defensive Player of the Year, ranked as a third-round prospect prior to his announcement. Now, there are questions of how far he’ll fall in the draft, if picked at all.

Women in football have it worse: you’re a sex symbol, whether you’re cheering on the sideline or playing in the Lingerie Bowl. There’s nothing even close to equality in football, and when you break away from the alpha-male stereotype, as Sam did, you don’t belong.

When a woman breaks through to a man’s world, she must either be lesbian or willing to bare skin. It’s too easy to call female hockey players “butch” or “dykes,” and I’m sure those stereotypes are as accurate as those surrounding male dancers. Then there are the Danica Patricks of the world, who I’m sure you all know more for kinda-sorta taking her clothes off for GoDaddy than anything she’s done on the race track.

Too often gender roles define athletes off the court, field, track, or ice. They shouldn’t, because none of it matters. I don’t want to hear about Michael Sam, Gay Football Player’s draft journey. I just want to watch Michael Sam, All-American, play football in the NFL.

Then I’ll go see Romeo + Juliet with my mom.

Tanking is for losers

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EIC

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March 28, 2014

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Despite losing in overtime to the Colorado Avalanche, the Canucks have shown that this late-season resurgence was not just taking advantage of weak teams like Buffalo and Florida. Rather, the Canucks have shown that they can still hold their own against playoff teams.

We have yet to see how the Canucks fare against the hard-to-play Californian teams but at the very least the Canucks are defeating the teams they should beat, and aren’t fodder for the other teams competing for the last two wild card spots. Heck, Colorado is well above the wildcard threshold, and the Canucks still got a point out of that game (and should have had two.)

With how the Canucks are currently playing, they are least as good as Dallas, Phoenix, and Minnesota, if not better. These Canucks would probably have beaten all three of those teams for a spot, for a seventh spot in the playoffs. Despite all the injuries, they have somehow found a new source of energy, at least in part thanks to the call up of rookie Nicklas Jensen.

Unfortunately, it’s a lot easier to lose ground in the playoff race than it is to gain it, and the Canucks gave up plenty in a horrendous January and February. Not to mention that Phoenix, currently the final Western playoff team, is up five points with a game in hand that gives them the possibility to go to seven up.

But the point is that they are winning, and for the most part winning games with scoring, not grinding out 1–0 victories (the 2 – 0 win againast Nashville an exception). The prospects appear to be making strides with Nicklas Jensen, Zack Kassian, and Shaun Matthias all hot right now. Even David Booth, whom I thought was adapting well to a third line role laying hits but seemed to have lost his scoring touch, has scored three goals in this stretch and looks confident with the puck again.

Even if this is a mirage, be it that they are winning because the pressure is off, or that inconsistent performers like Kassian and Booth will revert back to inconsistency, this is a lot better than tanking, as some fans suggest the Canucks do. They are fighting right until the end, providing something exciting hockey, and the younger prospects including Kassian are learning to persevere as a team rather than submit to defeat.

Who wants the Canucks to be known as the team who threw in the towel, anyways? I personally preferred when they were hated, apparently, by everyone outside of Vancouver because they were the best team in the league.

Besides, although it is unlikely, it is still possible for them to make the playoffs. Until they are eliminated, anything is possible.

Campaign Follies

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EIC

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March 28, 2014

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The Independent Electoral Commission (IEC) has been flooded with complaints from both candidates as well as concerned SFU students regarding the current SFSS elections. To date, the IEC has made 24 decisions regarding potential campaign violations. Here are a few that stood out to The Peak.

Alexander Morris distributes unapproved campaign materials

On March 10, printed handbills promoting the candidacy of presidential candidate Alexander Morris were discovered in The Peak newspaper stands, slipped into individual newspapers.

Morris explained to the IEC that he disliked that The Peak described his refusal to submit a statement to their elections article as a failure, and as such wanted to slip his handbills into the papers to “demonstrate his strength as a presidential candidate.”

As the handbills were never sent to the IEC for approval, the IEC decided that Morris had violated the rules of campaigning. Morris was thus prohibited from using printed materials for the remainder of the campaign period.

Chardaye Bueckert campaigns in SFSS space

The IEC penalised presidential candidate Chardaye Bueckert for campaigning in the Rotunda on March 18, as that area of campus is official SFSS space. The IEC bylaws prohibit candidates from campaigning in areas such as the Rotunda, Convocation Mall, and Maggie Benston Centre, to name a few. Upon being questioned, Bueckert acknowledged that she was in the wrong. The incident resulted in a deduction of $6.00 from Bueckert’s remaining campaign budget

Brandon Chapman apologises for defamatory comments

Presidential candidate Brandon Chapman has issued an apology to education rep candidate Gloria Mellesmoen following accusations that Chapman, along with VP Finance candidate Adam Potvin, made defamatory comments about Mellesmoen to students.

A student reported to the IEC that when Potvin and Chapman approached her, “They began to say along the lines that [Mellesmoen] was the worst one to preform [sic] on the team, they don’t even know how she got that position, and she clearly has no idea what she is doing in terms of her position.’”

Upon further investigation, the IEC said that the student who made the accusations did not mean to accuse both Potvin and Chapman, only Chapman. Potvin appealed the accusation and was found not guilty. The IEC penalized Chapman $5.00 and required him to apologise to Mellesmoen for the comments.