Inevitable gimmicks SFU admin will use to distract you from real campus issues

Dr. Petter Magic Mould Eraser™ The Dr. Petter Magic Mould Eraser™ is tough on university-eating fungus. This product is also guaranteed to keep nosy health and...

Butt Plugs that aren’t but should be on the market

By: Justin Stevens The Spring “Jumping your partner’s bones has never been this fun.”   The Feather Duster “Take that french maid fantasy to the next level.”   Mario Raccoon Tail “Hit...

Other stupid holidays white people are bound to advocate for

You may notice that we white people seem to ask for a whole load of stupid holidays. What most people don’t know, however, is...

New line of Dyson products announced

By: Vincent Justin Mitra, Peak Associate Dyson, makers of the iconic ball-based upright vacuums and blade-less electric fans, have recently announced their upcoming products at...

If SFU was more like Hogwarts . . .

Taking the stairs to class would be far more forgiving on your knees. Participation marks would suddenly become the most entertaining part of class. School...

The Crank Files: 2Pac and Kimbo Slice are alive in Cuba

This month we lost legendary MMA fighter Kimbo Slice — or at the very least, that’s what the media wants us to think. This...

The Crank Files: Was Curious George Originally About A Human?

Beneath the veneer of normalcy lies a world of dark shadows and the macabre. Bizarre cults, conspiracies, and creatures abound. One man seeks...

Six ways to get the perfect beach body

Beach season is rapidly approaching, but don’t worry — The Peak has got you covered with the quickest and coolest tricks to get that...

Study reveals most university students only pretend to like vodka

In a recent study conducted on university students across the country, participants answered questions regarding their vodka consumption in boths group and anonymous one-on-one...

Ten reasons your cat thinks you’re an asshole

You may adore your fuzzy feline, but it feels quite the opposite about you. In truth, your cat probably thinks you’re a real ass-hat...